Asking The Father's Permission For Marriage: Old and done, or traditional?

[cougargirl]

It's a classy thing to do and unless your girlfriend has a bad relationship with her parents, you should do it...

A few tips...

Ask both parents... I don't even want to imagine what would have happened to me if I had asked my father-in-law and not my mother-in-law...

Also, you're asking for their blessing, not their permission...

Here's the biggest reason to do it... I have a friend who asked for the blessing of his soon to be in-laws. During the lunch, the future mother in law gave him a two-carat rock that had been in the family for years for the engagement ring. He returned the one he had bought, and only had to spring for the setting... Instead of spending almost $10K, he was off the hook for about a grand.

A grand for the setting?

That sounds about right. It depends on the precious metal that's used. With rings it's not the metal that gets you, it's the rocks that cost a fortune.

 

[Pastor]

Just a thought here...

As I have already stated to be someone that wouldn't ask a parent's permission, I partly think that (aside from already being married) I would never have to do so anyway.

People that actually care about such a thing are more likely to want to marry someone that would also care about such a thing.

If I were to find a girl that needed me to ask her father because she is so big on tradition, it is likely that she is big on other traditions that I would also think are outdated.

The women here that feel as though they want this to happy would more likely find a man that would fulfill such a request.

 

[Frank_Ridgeway]

If you're a couple in their late 20's who have been living together for a couple of years, does the guy ask?

We were older than that and had lived together for five years.

If so, why?

Because she said so. Aren't you married?

Sorry, the whole thing strikes me as anachronistic.

So is the ceremony, so is the wedding dress, so is inviting people you don't really like to a reception, I could go on ...

 

[i look at pictures]

My little sister just got engaged this summer. Her fiance, not necessarily being a traditionalist but because he was too giddy to keep it in before actually proposing to her, asked me and my mom for blessing/permission/whatev at dinner one night. I thought that was hella cool, and was very honored that he included me, too.

I think it's cool to get others in on the plan, so to speak, and I like that situation. But that feels different than asking for my hand in marriage.

 

[Clever username]

It probably all depends on the father and the girl, if you care how they feel about it. A former friend was really traditional about that sort of thing and she wanted her ****stick boyfriend to ask her dad for permission, which he did. It would have been a real problem for her if he hadn't. But that was her. I have never heard of anyone else doing that recently and it seems like everyone I know these days is getting hitched, the poor souls.

 

[Clever username]

So is the ceremony, so is the wedding dress, so is inviting people you don't really like to a reception, I could go on ...

That one I'll never understand. Can someone please explain that one to me.

 

[User 1019]

I asked.

 

[old_tony]

I would have to think it so much depends on the woman's relationship with her parents/father and your relationship with them. And, as was pointed out, age, too.

All that being said, the one time I was close to marrying, I got along great with her parents and definitely would have spoken to them beforehand. Sadly, it didn't get to that point.

 

[Gold]

I also think it is a good idea for this reason: The parents might help you out with things - where to find a good place, etc. There may also be family considerations - for example, my uncle was dying of cancer and my cousin moved up her wedding so they could get married before my uncle died.

 

[Piotr Rasputin]

I asked.

The wife and I discussed it, and she said her dad might appreciate it. She didn't care either way.

I thought it was important to show respect, and my desire to forge a long-lasting relationship with her family, as I wanted her to forge with mine.

He was very happy, and very flattered. And that gesture from us, done when we still weren't sure how happy her parents were about our relationship (religious reasons), helped build a great respect that continues. Deliberately doing things that you know will **** off your parents or your significant other's parents might be necessary sometimes, but it is no badge of honor.

If you don't really desire a good relationship, it's still a good thing to do, to give them one less thing to ***** about when referring to you in conversation.

As for those who are pulling out the whole "It makes her PROPERTY!!!!!" idea . . . . not at all. Once in a while, it's important to do a nice, simple gesture for family and potential family. And doing the whole "Obviously, I plan to marry your daughter, but I am here seeking your blessing" is a nice thing to do as far as the father-in-law is concerned, even though it likely won't matter a bit to your plans if he says no.

And if there is a woman whose father would be insulted by a man asking for his daughter's hand . . . I know I wouldn't want to marry the woman he raised.

 

[JR]

So, my question is: after you've asked permission is that when you negotiate the number of sheep, pigs and goats? :)

 

[sportschick]

I also think it is a good idea for this reason: The parents might help you out with things - where to find a good place, etc. There may also be family considerations - for example, my uncle was dying of cancer and my cousin moved up her wedding so they could get married before my uncle died.

This makes no sense. All of that is stuff you would discuss with your parents, regardless of whether or not your future husband asked your father for your hand in marriage.

 

[outofplace]

So, my question is: after you've asked permission is that when you negotiate the number of sheep, pigs and goats? :)

Ah...JR and his wonderful reading skills...way to stick to the surface of the debate there, Canucklehead.

 

[Herbert Anchovy]

I've asked two fathers.

Receiving the acceptable answer, I proceeded to get blithered with two fathers.

And this father will be consulted someday as well or there WILL be hell to pay.

 

[Write-brained]

My wife and I were in our mid and late 20s when I proposed to her. I called her dad the night before to let him know what I was going to do and if I had his blessing. He said, 'yes.'

We found out a month later she was pregnant so it's a good thing he did. :D

The wife was thrilled when I proposed, and she was especially touched to hear that I asked her dad - who raised her.

To each his own, but it worked in my case.

 

[JR]

Hey, it must be a cultural thing.

Couples I know in their mid 30's are quite often paying for their own wedding. They're economically independent and probably neither one has lived with their parents for ten or fifteen years.

I think the idea of being respectful is to advise your future in laws that you are marrying their daughter and hope that you have their blessing.

Permission is either the wrong word or the wrong approach, IMO,

 

[Write-brained]

Permission is either the wrong word or the wrong approach, IMO,

I wouldn't call it permission. I'd call it a courtesy.

 

[outofplace]

Hey, it must be a cultural thing.

Couples I know in their mid 30's are quite often paying for their own wedding. They're economically independent and probably neither one has lived with their parents for ten or fifteen years.

I think the idea of being respectful is to advise your future in laws that you are marrying their daughter and hope that you have their blessing.

Permission is either the wrong word or the wrong approach, IMO,

And if you had read the responses, you would realize none of us is actually asking permission. It is more asking for the father's blessing. None of us had said we would have considered not asking even if he said no.