Asking The Father's Permission For Marriage: Old and done, or traditional?

[MileHigh]

I did, and while it didn't work out, I'm glad I did.

He was very good to me.

Same thing on this end.

 

[mike311gd]

Again, AB, you should take your fiancee's views into account. It's great that you'd ask for a blessing, but I'd be insulted if you did.

Maybe you just want to give the parents a heads-up, too, and keep them in the loop.

I mean, who's gonna say no? The only way a sane parent is gonna say no is when their kid is marrying a total douche, and that's the kind of guy who would just elope and say "screw your dad/mom," anyway.

I've seen it happen before, Wicked.

 

[sportschick]

Again, AB, you should take your fiancee's views into account. It's great that you'd ask for a blessing, but I'd be insulted if you did.

Maybe you just want to give the parents a heads-up, too, and keep them in the loop.

I mean, who's gonna say no? The only way a sane parent is gonna say no is when their kid is marrying a total douche, and that's the kind of guy who would just elope and say "screw your dad/mom," anyway.

It's my job to keep my parents informed on the state of my relationship, not my partner.

 

[wickedwritah]

Touche, SC, just sayin' ...

 

[D-3 Fan]

I would be rather insulted if my boyfriend asked my father for his permission to propose to me. I'm my own woman, and I don't need my father's OK to get married.

Oh, come off it. Him giving permission, like a blessing, is not saying you have to marry the guy or that you're now his property to clean and cook.

It's common courtesy.

I guess that means I'm discourteous.

...or the makings of a...

between sportschick and IJAG. (hee hee hee!)

 

[sportschick]

Those kittens are far cuter than I.

 

[shockey]

sorry for not reading through the whole thing. my view: i asked my wife first. when she said yes, we then visited her folks and i asked for her father's BLESSING, not PERMISSION.

i don't see this as a negative gesture in any way -- unless you have zero relationship or an awful relationship with the future in-laws.

 

[Chi City 81]

Those kittens are far cuter than I.

Taller, too.

 

[wickedwritah]

Those kittens are far cuter than I.

Taller, too.

Over/under on the "dead. to. me." blast is 10 minutes.

 

[sportschick]

Those kittens are far cuter than I.

Taller, too.

Over/under on the "dead. to. me." blast is 10 minutes.

He's been Dead. To. Me! so many times, it's lost its effect. :P

 

[cougargirl]

I would be rather insulted if my boyfriend asked my father for his permission to propose to me. I'm my own woman, and I don't need my father's OK to get married.

Oh, come off it. Him giving permission, like a blessing, is not saying you have to marry the guy or that you're now his property to clean and cook.

It's common courtesy.

I concur, IJAG, and add that asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage is a sign of respect for not only her but for her family.

The gesture is not about property or ownership, it's about the privilege of becoming part of a family.

 

[Fenian_Bastard]

sorry for not reading through the whole thing. my view: i asked my wife first. when she said yes, we then visited her folks and i asked for her father's BLESSING, not PERMISSION.

i don't see this as a negative gesture in any way -- unless you have zero relationship or an awful relationship with the future in-laws.

Did you marry one of Tevye's daughters?
(There's a great scene in Fiddler where the groom -- Perchik, I think -- refuses to ask for permission but asks for a blessing.)

 

[Rough Mix]

I would be rather insulted if my boyfriend asked my father for his permission to propose to me. I'm my own woman, and I don't need my father's OK to get married.

Oh, come off it. Him giving permission, like a blessing, is not saying you have to marry the guy or that you're now his property to clean and cook.

It's common courtesy.

I concur, IJAG, and add that asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage is a sign of respect for not only her but for her family.

The gesture is not about property or ownership, it's about the privilege of becoming part of a family.

I'm with IJAG and C_G. I called my FIL half a world away to ask.

 

[Jim Tom Pinch]

Add me to the read the situation suggestors.

If you think you're wife to be will like it and her dad will appreciate it, go for it.

If there are circumstances that make it a bad idea, don't.

If you don't know your prospective fiance well enough to know which way to go, maybe it's not time to propose yet.

When I'm ready to propose to my current girlfriend, I'm going to do it. My sister's fiance didn't ask my dad and nobody minded.

 

[JR]

OK, riddle me this.

If you're a couple in their late 20's who have been living together for a couple of years, does the guy ask? If so, why?

Sorry, the whole thing strikes me as anachronistic.

 

[Gold]

I did it in 1993 because my wife said it was a tradition in Mexico. She said the tradition was also that my parents go over to their house, but my parents weren't about to make two 2,000-mile trips within four months. I asked in my limited in Spanish. It was kind of nice and it was a formality and another excuse for a big meal - not that my Mexican in-laws ever need much of an excuse.

 

[Rough Mix]

OK, riddle me this.

If you're a couple in their late 20's who have been living together for a couple of years, does the guy ask? If so, why?

Sorry, the whole thing strikes me as anachronistic.

Yes.

Same reasons as my last post.

 

[imjustagirl2]

OK, riddle me this.

If you're a couple in their late 20's who have been living together for a couple of years, does the guy ask? If so, why?

Sorry, the whole thing strikes me as anachronistic.

IF he wants to. If she wants to, ask.

There's nothing anachronistic. There's respectful and there's wanting to get married. If someone doesn't ask, I'm pretty sure the father's not going to boycott the ceremony. If the woman asks (hi Idaho!), I'm pretty sure the marriage will still be legal.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

It's a classy thing to do and unless your girlfriend has a bad relationship with her parents, you should do it...

A few tips...

Ask both parents... I don't even want to imagine what would have happened to me if I had asked my father-in-law and not my mother-in-law...

Also, you're asking for their blessing, not their permission...

Here's the biggest reason to do it... I have a friend who asked for the blessing of his soon to be in-laws. During the lunch, the future mother in law gave him a two-carat rock that had been in the family for years for the engagement ring. He returned the one he had bought, and only had to spring for the setting... Instead of spending almost $10K, he was off the hook for about a grand.

 

[Ace]

It's a classy thing to do and unless your girlfriend has a bad relationship with her parents, you should do it...

A few tips...

Ask both parents... I don't even want to imagine what would have happened to me if I had asked my father-in-law and not my mother-in-law...

Also, you're asking for their blessing, not their permission...

Here's the biggest reason to do it... I have a friend who asked for the blessing of his soon to be in-laws. During the lunch, the future mother in law gave him a two-carat rock that had been in the family for years for the engagement ring. He returned the one he had bought, and only had to spring for the setting... Instead of spending almost $10K, he was off the hook for about a grand.

A grand for the setting?