slappy4428
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2009 SportsJournalists.com College Football Poll -- 11/9/09 Page 19
Nov. 9, 2008
I've Got The World On A String,
and I'm Stringing You Along
By SLAPPY4428
Accused Stoolie
History tells us of several evil men who would stop at nothing to get what they want. And they tell us of their sidekicks who would do whatever their master bids to curry favor.
Mr. Burns and Smithers. Pinky and The Brain. Doug and Dinsdale Pirahna. Blackadder and Baldrick. Sir Rodney and that King from the Wizard of Id. In 2009, we have a new anti-hero and faithful chum who, together, plot to take over college football as we know it from their office overseeing a vacant lot in downtown Magic City.
They are known as Slimy Mike and Bloomin Chuckie.
Chapter 10: Oh, there’s nothing halfway about the Iowa way we cheat you
BC: Slimy Mike! Did you see what happened to Iowa! They lost to an inferior opponent, just like you said they would.
SM: Of course they did, Bloomie. It’s all part of my cunning plan to have our two teams in the BCS Championship.
BC: I have a cunning plan too. First you take a doggie, two parts fulminate of Mercury…
SM: Enough. The last time you had a cunning plan, the World Series was played during the day. Now, my cunning plan is so cunning that people will forget James Cunning as the father of cunning plans and name them after me – Slimy Plans.
BC: Are we still trying to sweep the Heisman and National Championships in the same year?
SM: Of course we are. We know one of these two teams is going to lose. But we just have to convince the lemmings in the Harris Poll and the sheep in the coaches poll that America needs two teams from our conference in the BCS title game.
Look at how it’s going. Another undefeated team lost on Saturday and that takes the number down to six. Jim Delany thinks he’s all that and a bag of nuts because of his network. HAH! We’re like Rupert Murdoch and Fox. If we can’t beat the media, we’ll buy them out. Soon, they’ll fall into our control.
BC: How do we do that? They can be so pigheaded and… you know… independent thinking.
SM: We’ll sway them to our side. Look around you. We’ll just blow a Little Ray of Sunshine up their ass and any wisdom they’ll have will disappear faster than George Solomon at an ESPN Office Party. The sheep…
BC: But your excellency. People are already talking. They think…
SM: … What I tell them to think.
There’s already talk of not one, but two Heisman candidates from our realm. One is perfect, everyone loves him. ESPN can’t get enough of him. Sometimes, Gary Danielson forgets to rinse.
BC: But the other one has a daddy in jail.
SM: We’ll just tell people not to talk about that. We can do it for our coaches.
BC: But Sire. You can’t tell people who to talk about and what not to talk about. That’s against the Constitution.
SM: The only Constitution around here is me. What do they expect for their $4 million contracts? They’re selling their soul to the company store. So some of our friendlier officials overlook things like easy penalities, eye gouges, and divots the size of a beaver pelt from a defensive back dragging his toe inbounds on an interception.
BC: Narf! Linda Cohn what?
SM: Look, the Peasants are Revolting. The only thing that matters is getting these two teams of ours into the Rose Bowl. Do you realize one of them has the words “remember the Rose Bowl” in its fight song and hasn’t been there since the Coolidge Administration?
We have to be subtle about this – especially with Texas. If they all lose now, they’ll have a chance to creep back in the picture. Think about it, Boise and TCU are media darlings. But only TCU will have a chance to go to a BCS bowl because at least it used to be a member of the Southwest Conference. Boise’s not going. America isn’t going to send a bunch of potato farmers to the Fiesta… oops, Rose Bowl.
BC: I remember the SWC. That’s the only organization in sports other than the NCAA that played favorites more than we did.
SM: Right. Cincinnati? We’ll just plant a few well-placed rumors about the Big Least and the media on our side will eat it up faster than grits and jowls. And that leaves Texas, which is due to have one bad game, and Colt McCoy, who is due to have a bad game…. Know what I mean squire?
BC: Oooooh. How are you going to fix that? Have one of our officials work their game and ruin a fair contest? Overlook a helmet to helmet tackle? Bring in that female soccer player from New Mexico to run the replay booth? Throw in an unnecessary unsportsmanlike conduct call? They’re pretty good at that, you know.
SM: No, Bloomie. Better than that. We’ll encourage Mack Brown to hire his brother, Watson. Nothing spells Division 1 fail like Watson Brown.
SportsJournalists.com COLLEGE FOOTBALL POLL
11/9/2009
RK. TEAM (1st) PTS Last
1. Florida (14) 773 1
2. Texas (9) 764 2
3. Alabama (7) 752 3
4. TCU (2) 689 6
5. Cincinnati 669 5
6. Boise State 666 4
7. Georgia Tech 590 10
8. Pitt 476 14
9. Ohio State 459 16
10. LSU 453 9
11. Utah 444 12
12. Miami (Fla.) 429 17
13. Houston 424 15
14. USC 422 13
15. Iowa 399 7
16. Oregon 392 8
17. Oklahoma St. 275 18
18. Arizona 263 19
19. Penn State 226 11
20. Virginia Tech 169 24
21. Brigham Young 154 23
T22. Wisconsin 115 NR
T22. South Florida 115 25
24. West Virginia 48 NR
25. Clemson 40 NR
Also receiving votes: Auburn 33, Oregon State 32, Stanford 31, Navy 25, Mississippi 14, Texas Tech 14, Rutgers 12, Troy 10, Nebraska 8, Temple 6, North Carolina 4, Central Michigan 3, Notre Dame 2.
The SportsJournalists.com college football poll committee: Slappy4428 (chairman), 2muchcoffeeman, Agate Page, Azom, Bubbler BYH, Della9250, Dparker85, Elliotte Friedman, GB-Hack, Hammer Pants, Hank Scorpio, Huggy, Ishouldcoco, Jesus Muscatel, Joe Schmoe, KYsportswriter, Madhavok, Matt1735, Orville Redenbacher, Oz, Piotr Rasputin, Popedirkbenedict, Precious Roy, Rumpleforeskin, spnited, Starman, Stormsurge, Sxysptswrtr,Trooper Bari, WS, Songbird. Not voting: Diabeetus, Layman, Red Smith Clone, Rockbottom.
Nov. 9, 2008
I've Got The World On A String,
and I'm Stringing You Along
By SLAPPY4428
Accused Stoolie
History tells us of several evil men who would stop at nothing to get what they want. And they tell us of their sidekicks who would do whatever their master bids to curry favor.
Mr. Burns and Smithers. Pinky and The Brain. Doug and Dinsdale Pirahna. Blackadder and Baldrick. Sir Rodney and that King from the Wizard of Id. In 2009, we have a new anti-hero and faithful chum who, together, plot to take over college football as we know it from their office overseeing a vacant lot in downtown Magic City.
They are known as Slimy Mike and Bloomin Chuckie.
Chapter 10: Oh, there’s nothing halfway about the Iowa way we cheat you
BC: Slimy Mike! Did you see what happened to Iowa! They lost to an inferior opponent, just like you said they would.
SM: Of course they did, Bloomie. It’s all part of my cunning plan to have our two teams in the BCS Championship.
BC: I have a cunning plan too. First you take a doggie, two parts fulminate of Mercury…
SM: Enough. The last time you had a cunning plan, the World Series was played during the day. Now, my cunning plan is so cunning that people will forget James Cunning as the father of cunning plans and name them after me – Slimy Plans.
BC: Are we still trying to sweep the Heisman and National Championships in the same year?
SM: Of course we are. We know one of these two teams is going to lose. But we just have to convince the lemmings in the Harris Poll and the sheep in the coaches poll that America needs two teams from our conference in the BCS title game.
Look at how it’s going. Another undefeated team lost on Saturday and that takes the number down to six. Jim Delany thinks he’s all that and a bag of nuts because of his network. HAH! We’re like Rupert Murdoch and Fox. If we can’t beat the media, we’ll buy them out. Soon, they’ll fall into our control.
BC: How do we do that? They can be so pigheaded and… you know… independent thinking.
SM: We’ll sway them to our side. Look around you. We’ll just blow a Little Ray of Sunshine up their ass and any wisdom they’ll have will disappear faster than George Solomon at an ESPN Office Party. The sheep…
BC: But your excellency. People are already talking. They think…
SM: … What I tell them to think.
There’s already talk of not one, but two Heisman candidates from our realm. One is perfect, everyone loves him. ESPN can’t get enough of him. Sometimes, Gary Danielson forgets to rinse.
BC: But the other one has a daddy in jail.
SM: We’ll just tell people not to talk about that. We can do it for our coaches.
BC: But Sire. You can’t tell people who to talk about and what not to talk about. That’s against the Constitution.
SM: The only Constitution around here is me. What do they expect for their $4 million contracts? They’re selling their soul to the company store. So some of our friendlier officials overlook things like easy penalities, eye gouges, and divots the size of a beaver pelt from a defensive back dragging his toe inbounds on an interception.
BC: Narf! Linda Cohn what?
SM: Look, the Peasants are Revolting. The only thing that matters is getting these two teams of ours into the Rose Bowl. Do you realize one of them has the words “remember the Rose Bowl” in its fight song and hasn’t been there since the Coolidge Administration?
We have to be subtle about this – especially with Texas. If they all lose now, they’ll have a chance to creep back in the picture. Think about it, Boise and TCU are media darlings. But only TCU will have a chance to go to a BCS bowl because at least it used to be a member of the Southwest Conference. Boise’s not going. America isn’t going to send a bunch of potato farmers to the Fiesta… oops, Rose Bowl.
BC: I remember the SWC. That’s the only organization in sports other than the NCAA that played favorites more than we did.
SM: Right. Cincinnati? We’ll just plant a few well-placed rumors about the Big Least and the media on our side will eat it up faster than grits and jowls. And that leaves Texas, which is due to have one bad game, and Colt McCoy, who is due to have a bad game…. Know what I mean squire?
BC: Oooooh. How are you going to fix that? Have one of our officials work their game and ruin a fair contest? Overlook a helmet to helmet tackle? Bring in that female soccer player from New Mexico to run the replay booth? Throw in an unnecessary unsportsmanlike conduct call? They’re pretty good at that, you know.
SM: No, Bloomie. Better than that. We’ll encourage Mack Brown to hire his brother, Watson. Nothing spells Division 1 fail like Watson Brown.
SportsJournalists.com COLLEGE FOOTBALL POLL
11/9/2009
RK. TEAM (1st) PTS Last
1. Florida (14) 773 1
2. Texas (9) 764 2
3. Alabama (7) 752 3
4. TCU (2) 689 6
5. Cincinnati 669 5
6. Boise State 666 4
7. Georgia Tech 590 10
8. Pitt 476 14
9. Ohio State 459 16
10. LSU 453 9
11. Utah 444 12
12. Miami (Fla.) 429 17
13. Houston 424 15
14. USC 422 13
15. Iowa 399 7
16. Oregon 392 8
17. Oklahoma St. 275 18
18. Arizona 263 19
19. Penn State 226 11
20. Virginia Tech 169 24
21. Brigham Young 154 23
T22. Wisconsin 115 NR
T22. South Florida 115 25
24. West Virginia 48 NR
25. Clemson 40 NR
Also receiving votes: Auburn 33, Oregon State 32, Stanford 31, Navy 25, Mississippi 14, Texas Tech 14, Rutgers 12, Troy 10, Nebraska 8, Temple 6, North Carolina 4, Central Michigan 3, Notre Dame 2.
The SportsJournalists.com college football poll committee: Slappy4428 (chairman), 2muchcoffeeman, Agate Page, Azom, Bubbler BYH, Della9250, Dparker85, Elliotte Friedman, GB-Hack, Hammer Pants, Hank Scorpio, Huggy, Ishouldcoco, Jesus Muscatel, Joe Schmoe, KYsportswriter, Madhavok, Matt1735, Orville Redenbacher, Oz, Piotr Rasputin, Popedirkbenedict, Precious Roy, Rumpleforeskin, spnited, Starman, Stormsurge, Sxysptswrtr,Trooper Bari, WS, Songbird. Not voting: Diabeetus, Layman, Red Smith Clone, Rockbottom.
