Esquire's Why we cheat

[JayFarrar]

http://www.esquire.com/features/reasons-why-men-cheat-0410

So, the girlfriend read this over the weekend in the print issue and was less than pleased.

And it sparked a conversation. "Why do men cheat?"
I thought long and hard and, for a time, I was going to give a cutesy answer but them my mind changed.
"Because we can." For the same reason that women cheat on their spouses, because they can.

Not all men cheat, of course, and neither do all women. But I still maintain that people do things for two reasons: Profit and fear of punishment.

 

[Small Town Guy]

That was an interesting read. In comparison to James Franco's short story in the same issue, which made me want to cheat with GQ.

 

[novelist_wannabe]

I thought it was interesting that the Why We Cheat piece was placed in the mag right before the story about Usain Bolt, in which it's laid out that he'll never be able to prove he doesn't cheat.

 

[Twoback]

Some people cheat do so because they don't want to be happy.
They believe happy is boring.
Some men who cheat do so because they devalue all women except their mothers and daughters.
People don't cheat simply because "they can." That's no reason. Consider the many instances of guys cheating with women so obviously inferior to their spouses (Christie B.'s ex), or so obviously inferior to what they could land (Clinton/Monica). In that case, "I can" doesn't mean much. You can nail a woman that's below your station? What's so special about that?

 

[novelist_wannabe]

Why do people cheat? This is psych 101 ... Because their needs aren't being met. Maybe they need the thrill of risk and the focus required to mute it. Maybe they need intimacy. Maybe they want to take copulation-style retribution. And I'd posit they're not happy to begin with. And I've known guys who cheated just because they could.

 

[JayFarrar]

I've cheated*, just because I could.
I did it because I no longer feared the punishment of getting caught.

*I wasn't then and still not married. It was a former girlfriend and I was banging an ex, who was married, at the time. Funny thing about sex with a married person, it feels much like sex with a single person -- pretty damn good.

 

[mustangj17]

I've cheated*, just because I could.
I did it because I no longer feared the punishment of getting caught.

*I wasn't then and still not married. It was a former girlfriend and I was banging an ex, who was married, at the time. Funny thing about sex with a married person, it feels much like sex with a single person -- pretty damn good.

I wouldn't know as I've never tagged a married lady, but I would assume you are correct.

 

[Flying Headbutt]

I've cheated on one girlfriend, years ago. Two separate instances, once toward the beginning and once toward the end, and both times were generally for the same reason. The first I was just drunk. The second, I knew what I was doing, knew it was wrong, and went ahead and did so anyway because it was an escape of sorts I needed. The girl I cheated with was in a similar situation and we both found solace in each other for a little bit. She eventually got back with her boyfriend and now they're married with a newborn. I know why I did it that time, and in a twisted and perverse way, it was sort of what I needed. But I also know it was still wrong, and the smarter move is to make sure I'm never in such a similar position again in another relationship. And I've been good about that since then.

 

[cranberry]

Has anyone answered: Because it gets boring having sex with the same person (man or woman) after about the 600th time?

 

[Azrael]

Pieces like this are why I don't subscribe.

Men cheat because DNA's one function is to reproduce. That's it. Genetic imperative. Largest possible biological pool.

Save the lowercase Cheever for that summer at Yaddo.

 

[novelist_wannabe]

Pieces like this are why I don't subscribe.

Men cheat because DNA's one function is to reproduce. That's it. Genetic imperative. Largest possible biological pool.

Yeah, that too.

 

[dooley_womack1]

Has anyone answered: Because it gets boring having sex with the same person (man or woman) after about the 600th time?

Your wife did right after waking up.

 

[playthrough]

This might be "sports" to some, but nonetheless...moving it to AG.

 

[DanOregon]

I think it's opportunity - on both parts. Men like to know women are still attracted to them not just bound by a marriage certificate, and women get a little thrill being the one they cheat with. I imagine it's the same for women, but I do know men and women are wired differently.

 

[Inky_Wretch]

Why do men (or women) cheat? Lack of character.

Everything else posted here are just rationalizations and attempts to cover that up.

 

[Azrael]

"Lack of character"?

That's just the thing that allows cheating. What drives people to cheat is biological.

And it's only "lack of character" if you try to impose 2000 years of social architecture on 2,000,000 years of human evolution.

 

[britwrit]

This is the first article to make me think that sex addiction actually exists. I always supposed it was New Agey nonsense but if you need this much screwing to maintain your daily equilibrium, something is wrong.

 

[Inky_Wretch]

"Lack of character"?

That's just the thing that allows cheating. What drives people to cheat is biological.

And it's only "lack of character" if you try to impose 2000 years of social architecture on 2,000,000 years of human evolution.

Two thousand years of social architecture have changed our behavior in other areas. Yet not this? Bull.

The "baby, I can't help it, it's biological" defense is just an attempt at avoiding personal responsibility.

 

[WaylonJennings]

"Lack of character"?

That's just the thing that allows cheating. What drives people to cheat is biological.

And it's only "lack of character" if you try to impose 2000 years of social architecture on 2,000,000 years of human evolution.

Two thousand years of social architecture have changed our behavior in other areas. Yet not this? Bull.

The "baby, I can't help it, it's biological" defense is just an attempt at avoiding personal responsibility.

It seems uninteresting to me to simply dismiss it all as "lack of character." Everything everyone is explaining on here is a "lack of character." That's a given. The question is why that lack of character is expressed in this way instead of, say, by embezzling from the company or siphoning off your neighbor's wireless Internet. The question is why the impulse even exists to begin with, and why some people follow through. I don't think that's rationalization or justification or endorsement, but behavioral psychology.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

Why do people cheat?

Maybe because we're just plain horny and sex is fun and it feels good.

And no, I've never cheated on anyone because 1. I would be very hurt if my wife cheated on me and 2. I'm afraid to get caught and embarrassed.