Esquire's Why we cheat

[proudpittsburgher]

"Lack of character"?

That's just the thing that allows cheating. What drives people to cheat is biological.

And it's only "lack of character" if you try to impose 2000 years of social architecture on 2,000,000 years of human evolution.

Two thousand years of social architecture have changed our behavior in other areas. Yet not this? Bull.

The "baby, I can't help it, it's biological" defense is just an attempt at avoiding personal responsibility.

Yep.

 

[Azrael]

Interesting that to some here "explanation" is the same as "rationalization."

"Understanding" isn't "endorsement."

 

[WaylonJennings]

I thought the Esquire article was an interesting topic done very poorly. All sizzle, no steak. More like a laundry list of his exploits instead of any psychological insight.

 

[RickStain]

I thought the Esquire article was an interesting topic done very poorly. All sizzle, no steak. More like a laundry list of his exploits instead of any psychological insight.

It should have been titled "Why One Guy Tells Himself He Cheats."

 

[JayFarrar]

"Lack of character" is far too simple.
Some people believe that relationships only go one way, they end.
So if you view everything as temporary in the first place, stepping out while with someone else is just a way to start something with someone new and ending the previous.

 

[dooley_womack1]

People who are great parents, give to charity, work hard and ethically, are surely among the ranks of the cheaters. Saying a cheater has no character is simplistic

 

[Inky_Wretch]

People who are great parents, give to charity, work hard and ethically, are surely among the ranks of the cheaters. Saying a cheater has no character is simplistic

You can't be a great parent when you cheat on the child's other parent.

 

[playthrough]

People who are great parents, give to charity, work hard and ethically, are surely among the ranks of the cheaters. Saying a cheater has no character is simplistic

You can't be a great parent when you cheat on the child's other parent.

What's worse in terms of being a parent, divorce or staying married and living as a cheater?

I don't know if the two roles, spouse and parent, can be mixed in this discussion. Tiger Woods, I'm sure, is a fantastic parent in terms of loving and providing for his children.

 

[RickStain]

What's worse in terms of being a parent, divorce or staying married and living as a cheater?

False choice.

 

[WaylonJennings]

People who are great parents, give to charity, work hard and ethically, are surely among the ranks of the cheaters. Saying a cheater has no character is simplistic

You can't be a great parent when you cheat on the child's other parent.

What's worse in terms of being a parent, divorce or staying married and living as a cheater?

I don't know if the two roles, spouse and parent, can be mixed in this discussion. Tiger Woods, I'm sure, is a fantastic parent in terms of loving and providing for his children.

Bill and Chelsea Clinton seem to have a good relationship. But I see Inky's point. I just think that "can't" should probably be "you face a steep uphill climb."

 

[JC]

People who are great parents, give to charity, work hard and ethically, are surely among the ranks of the cheaters. Saying a cheater has no character is simplistic

You can't be a great parent when you cheat on the child's other parent.

I'm not so sure it's that black and white.

 

[cranberry]

Essentially good people do lots of different things for lots of different reasons and their relationships can mean as many different things. I'm not prepared to judge peoples' actions inside or outside their marriages.

 

[Inky_Wretch]

People who are great parents, give to charity, work hard and ethically, are surely among the ranks of the cheaters. Saying a cheater has no character is simplistic

You can't be a great parent when you cheat on the child's other parent.

What's worse in terms of being a parent, divorce or staying married and living as a cheater?

I don't know if the two roles, spouse and parent, can be mixed in this discussion. Tiger Woods, I'm sure, is a fantastic parent in terms of loving and providing for his children.

Bill and Chelsea Clinton seem to have a good relationship. But I see Inky's point. I just think that "can't" should probably be "you face a steep uphill climb."

True. Perhaps "can't" was overselling it.

When you cheat, you're disrespecting your spouse. You're disrespecting the child's mother. I don't think that's good parenting. I don't think teaching a child, by example, that it's OK to ignore a commitment, hurt somebody you profess to love and, well, cheat at anything.

 

[DanOregon]

Had a discussion about this about this the other day - a friend of mine has two parents who have been married about six or seven times between them, leaving her with countless step-siblings, ex-step-siblings. I don't understand the idea behind that many marriages. Is it a religious thing?

 

[TrooperBari]

Had a discussion about this about this the other day - a friend of mine has two parents who have been married about six or seven times between them, leaving her with countless step-siblings, ex-step-siblings. I don't understand the idea behind that many marriages. Is it a religious thing?

Maybe they don't like the prospect of living alone.

 

[cwilson3]

And no, I've never cheated on anyone because 1. I would be very hurt if my wife cheated on me and 2. I'm afraid to get caught and embarrassed.

Pretty much sums it up for me, too.

 

[Buck]

Biologically, we're not programmed for monogamy.
Monogamy is a meme (not in the lame, Internet definition but the real definition) that might have outlived its utility.

 

[RickStain]

Biologically, we're not programmed for monogamy.
Monogamy is a meme (not in the lame, Internet definition but the real definition) that might have outlived its utility.

There's a ton of biological urges we get. Doesn't mean it's a good idea to act on them.

 

[WaylonJennings]

I'm surprised married men find women to cheat with, honestly. Just seems like so many pieces have to fall into place for an affair to occur: (1) Willing man; (2) Has to figure out that a woman is interested. That was tough enough when we were all on the market. I couldn't even imagine it with the obstacle of having to explain away your status; (3) Both have to then get past their inhibitions and act on it, which would seem to be an enormous step to take for each person, since each knows it's wrong, even if they privately were excited by the idea.

Give me my "boring" life any day.

 

[Buck]

Biologically, we're not programmed for monogamy.
Monogamy is a meme (not in the lame, Internet definition but the real definition) that might have outlived its utility.

There's a ton of biological urges we get. Doesn't mean it's a good idea to act on them.

I'm not saying infidelity is a good or bad idea. I'm addressing the question: Why?