Computer and TV rules at your house

[Pringle]

We have a computer cut-off rule: 7 o'clock. After that, no Internet or laptop usage (non-work related).

(Obviously there are some nights when I don't get home until later than that, if I'm covering a game or something, but my wife enforces when I'm not there).

Kids are young, so they largely accept the protocol for now. I imagine that will change somewhat when the IM'ing, texting, Facebooking, etc., etc. really starts to pick up. Then the battles will begin.

Wondering what kind of rules other people enforce in their homes? Is it too draconian to have a no Internet/no TV rule during the week? Will I make my children social outcasts that way?

I would just like to raise children with attention spans - as well as preserving ours at the same time.

 

[Brian]

That will be tough if your kids are sports fans.

 

[Pringle]

Oh, and FWIW, I'm not so much concerned about the whole Internet predators thing as I am about the distraction, effect on grades, effect on relationships, effect on quality family time, effect on physical fitness, etc., etc.

 

[SixToe]

Our kids stay busy with schoolwork and after-school activities, so there isn't a lot of time for mind-melting computer stuff. We usually watch television shows together, the few that we do watch.

They get on the laptop a little bit to check Facebook and look at a few sites, mostly related to schoolwork, a television show or something we have discussed (like an upcoming vacation site). The laptop is on our kitchen breakfast counter by the den, so we monitor things and ask what they're looking at.

They don't have personal laptops in their rooms. We talk and discuss things. Kids take advantage of parents who let them, and we understand that kids will be curious about things. But we keep a fairly close eye on things and talk. Communication is important.

 

[mustangj17]

No Facebook when I was in high school, but if I ever had a spare minute after multiple sports practices I would be on Napster, or AOL. That was rare though. Usually there was no time.

 

[LongTimeListener]

We do our computer/TV rule in reverse: none before school, none after school until they have all their homework and everything else done for the day. It works better for us as an incentive. We have also found that they tend to turn their brains off for good once the electronics come on. Our biggest homework battles were always at the end of the night after they'd watched some TV.

 

[cranberry]

1. No porn before 10 p.m.
2. Report any income to the IRS
3. No you can't use my credit card

 

[Mizzougrad96]

One of my friends has a kid in seventh grade. He has something installed on the computer that record everything that is typed, so he can monitor things and make sure he's not being bullied, talking with pervs or anything like that. It has a Big Brother feel to it, but you do what you have to to protect your kids.

My friend sends me weekly updates of his son's google searches that are usually hilarious. They usually involve the words "Boobs" and then some young actress or singer.

My buddy never busts him for any of it.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

My kids are still too young to use the Internet.

I think there are a few rules that should seem obvious.

No Internet use alone in your room.
Any camera on the computer should be disabled.
All parental controls should be on and you should know exactly which sites your kid is visiting and which people he/she is emailing/chatting with...

This has nothing to do with trusting your kid. It has everything to do with NOT trusting the sickos out there.

 

[Captain_Kirk]

Don't know how old your kids are, but as they get older it will become impossible for them to do homework without using the computer/internet.

Our boys are teens now and both have computers in their room. Has not caused issues with compromised family time or eroded personal values. Yes, we've run across the occassional inappropriate search, but we've used that as an education and learning experience (and no, not as a learning experience for dad to know what new sites to look at).

And Facebook and texting is such an integral part of the teenage communication process, I don't know how you can try to limit that.

I'm mentioned this before somewhere on the site, but it does finally go overboard when I got a text from my son from the back seat of the car we were both riding in.

 

[shockey]

the shockey boys (soon-to-be 21, 18, 16) all managed/are managing to get by just fine without their own laptops through h.s.; eldest son got one as a graduation gift, knowing it's a requirement for college; middle son will get one when he graduate in june, youngest son will continue to get by for two more years without one.

they have the upstairs to themselves (3 bedrooms, a nice-sized 'common area,' which has the 39-inch flat screen hdtv they bought with their christmas/birthday money and requisite video games and all that jazz. major schoolwork projects are done on the family computer downstaira. there's only so much policing mrs. shockey and i do at this stage; they know their responsibilities and what is expected of them (re: minimal chores, maintaining grades) if they want to maintain the trust. the standards/expectations set by eldest son has had the expected trickle-down effect; the boys compete with each other, in effect, so enforcing 'rules' has sort of taken care of itself in recent years.

the sooner boundaries, standards and expectations are set, the better; it's possible for kids to come to the early conclusion that there is plenty of time for fun once their 'work' is done. it's been a pleasure and quite reqarding to see those ideals and tools continue to thrive for eldest shockey, now a junior, who has seen his gpa increase every semester (3.83 most recently) as he sets his sights on law school. the friends he has made at school, many of whom share a house with him now, have the same priorities , it seems. they are all clearly enjoying every aspect of their college experience while also buckling down when it's time to, and often helping each other with feedback and study groups.

my point: to show how the 'tough love' set by parents when their kids are young does have a rewarding payoff. keep that in mind when wonder if you're being too rigid, especially when you get the, 'b-b-b-but john's parents let him...' arguments.

 

[Captain_Kirk]

I know quite a few people who let their kids create Facebook accounts at as young an age as 10. I don't have kids, but I can damn sure tell you that, if I did, they wouldn't be allowed on Facebook until they at least get to high school. The Internet is one giant cesspool, and IMO kids should not be allowed to swim in the **** until they know better.

If you're friends with your kids on Facebook, it can give some insights into what's going on in their life, with their friends, etc. you might not otherwise get.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

Don't know how old your kids are, but as they get older it will become impossible for them to do homework without using the computer/internet.

Our boys are teens now and both have computers in their room. Has not caused issues with compromised family time or eroded personal values. Yes, we've run across the occassional inappropriate search, but we've used that as an education and learning experience (and no, not as a learning experience for dad to know what new sites to look at).

And Facebook and texting is such an integral part of the teenage communication process, I don't know how you can try to limit that.

I'm mentioned this before somewhere on the site, but it does finally go overboard when I got a text from my son from the back seat of the car we were both riding in.

Well said. You're clearly monitoring things and know what's going on. You're a good parent. I doubt most parents are as diligent as you are.

As far as the "inappropriate google search" goes, I think that's today's equivalent of having a Playboy under your mattress. No harm, no foul as long as the search isn't for something too over the top.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

I know quite a few people who let their kids create Facebook accounts at as young an age as 10. I don't have kids, but I can damn sure tell you that, if I did, they wouldn't be allowed on Facebook until they at least get to high school. The Internet is one giant cesspool, and IMO kids should not be allowed to swim in the **** until they know better.

If you're friends with your kids on Facebook, it can give some insights into what's going on in their life, with their friends, etc. you might not otherwise get.

Of course, they can friend you and then block you from seeing certain things...

 

[Captain_Kirk]

Don't know how old your kids are, but as they get older it will become impossible for them to do homework without using the computer/internet.

Our boys are teens now and both have computers in their room. Has not caused issues with compromised family time or eroded personal values. Yes, we've run across the occassional inappropriate search, but we've used that as an education and learning experience (and no, not as a learning experience for dad to know what new sites to look at).

And Facebook and texting is such an integral part of the teenage communication process, I don't know how you can try to limit that.

I'm mentioned this before somewhere on the site, but it does finally go overboard when I got a text from my son from the back seat of the car we were both riding in.

Well said. You're clearly monitoring things and know what's going on. You're a good parent. I doubt most parents are as diligent as you are.

As far as the "inappropriate google search" goes, I think that's today's equivalent of having a Playboy under your mattress. No harm, no foul as long as the search isn't for something too over the top.

Almost typed the Playboy reference in my post.

 

[LongTimeListener]

Have to disagree with the Playboy part. There, at the most you're going to see some boob, and if you really scored and got a Penthouse you'd see the downstairs. That doesn't come close to comparing to the vileness -- and video -- available within five minutes on the Internet.

 

[novelist_wannabe]

Yes. Yes they do.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

That's why parental controls are available. It might not block everything, but it at least makes it harder to find.

 

[LongTimeListener]

That's why parental controls are available. It might not block everything, but it at least makes it harder to find.

No argument there. Just that often when we're talking parenting we compare it to something we experienced growing up -- riding your bike, playing hoops at the park instead of in an organized league, etc. -- but the whole porn/Internet thing has an intensity and a jarring effect like nothing most of us experienced.

 

[Wenders]

Don't know how old your kids are, but as they get older it will become impossible for them to do homework without using the computer/internet.

Yup. I finally had to tell my parents (through writing a persuasive paper for my writing class, in which I actually called up the three dial-up companies in my town, got pricing and got pricing for a computer that could handle the Internet) right before I started high school that it was going to be impossible for me to get through high school without the Internet at home. Every year, I had at least one major (if not two or three) research projects to do, all of which did not involve in-class work.

As for the diminished family values, my mom and her 50+ hours a week work schedule, plus my insane extra-curricular activities schedule meant that we ate one meal a week together if we were lucky.

The TV thing...I didn't get a TV in my room until I was in seventh grade (and that's mostly because my grandma died, so I got the TV out of her nursing home room) and have basically had one in there ever since. When I was in high school, I would turn it on and set a sleep timer because I slept in a basement and it was dark and I liked falling asleep with a little bit of noise.

I very rarely tested the limits with my parents as far as the TV and Internet went, but they also disciplined me properly when I was a little kid (by taking away my books) and I was home so little during high school that I really didn't have any desire (or energy) to see how far I could push it.