There are no words - parenting edition

[YankeeFan]

For the record, she's a wonderful woman. The absolute best. She just gets convinced that "other women" are monitoring her every move, and worries about measuring up. Hell, maybe they are. I don't care about any of this stuff, because I have no interest in being BMOC of the suburbs. (This comes and goes. She can go for months without mentioning this stuff.)

Her mom, my mother-in-law, is extremely, extremely dowdy, and I know that kind of looms over some of her insecurities.

But more generally, it can be really hard to be a parent today, if you let it be. If you get into all the outside noise.

Oh, I've never gotten the impression that you thought otherwise.

But, I still think it's a funny premise.

There's always been some aspect of this. Some parent got ponies or a bouncy house for a birthday party, and every other parent felt under pressure.

But, now it's so much worse. There's the social media aspect of it. More women are working, so they have to have great careers, be great moms, all while hitting the top new restaurant, and looking fabulous in this season's fashion.

It's insane.

And, then you have to worry about eating organic. And/or gluten free. And, how much "screen time" should your kid get? And vaccines! Oh, the vaccines.

 

[RecoveringJournalist]

For the record, she's a wonderful woman. The absolute best. She just gets convinced that "other women" are monitoring her every move, and worries about measuring up. Hell, maybe they are. I don't care about any of this stuff, because I have no interest in being BMOC of the suburbs. (This comes and goes. She can go for months without mentioning this stuff.)

Her mom, my mother-in-law, is extremely, extremely dowdy, and I know that kind of looms over some of her insecurities.

But more generally, it can be really hard to be a parent today, if you let it be. If you get into all the outside noise.

In a lot of cases, people stop caring about that stuff shortly after the kids start school. That was the case with my wife. I think once they get into regular school, you meet other like-minded people who you can make fun of the parents who send invites with a registry or notes listing all of the food their kid is allowed to eat.

 

[zagoshe]

I got a good taste of weirdo parents this weekend because my younger brother is new to the whole youth sports scene as his two are still under ten.

So Saturday I go to his son's U-8 soccer game, you know to watch my nephew play.

Mind you, this is a COMMUNITY REC-LEAGUE game, not even a travel game, school game or a cup game.

It is basically 7 and 8 year olds who are playing for exercise and fun and maybe a few of them will figure out they like soccer, get good at it and move up and start playing at a higher level. I'm quite sure the best and most competitive kids are playing at a higher level by that point as I didn't see many kids that struck me as "wow that kid is a good athlete" running around there.

At any rate, the parents all bring their folding chairs and it seems like that has become a status symbol as they all have to have the latest and newest in folding chairs and they line them up along the field. Like, right on the sidelines so if the ball goes out on that side of the field it rolls under the chairs.

The two coaches were actually relatively normal and had the thing in perspective but some of these parents were screaming and yelling like it was the World Cup Final and acting like little Joey was headed for Team USA. And of course there were two dads down behind the goal who were "coaching" all of the kids - are they even allowed behind the goal?

Even my brother, who actually played sports his whole life and played Division III baseball, was acting like an idiot and when my nephew scored a goal - one of what seemed like 12 or 13 that were scored in the game he lost his mind.

And then he talked about his son's talent and how he'd score so many goals if the coach just let him play on the wing the whole game (she does a nice job of switching everyone around so every player gets to play offense, defense and even goaltender).

I didn't have the heart to tell him that as much as I love my nephew, I'm quite sure scoring a goal in a U-8 rec league game does not equate to "I'm the next Landon Donovan" though I could be wrong.....

But then there was "snack and drink" time after the game and my sister in law bitching because the woman who brought the snack brought cupcakes instead of something healthy and my nephew got the grape juice box and he wanted the apple juice box but wasn't in front of the line and one guy bitching at the coach -- who looks like she is like a 20-year old college kid who plays or played soccer and is just volunteering her time -- that the game was too physical because his little precious jewel hurt his ankle.....

Good lord, if this is what goes on at rec league games, I would be mortified to find out what goes on at the more competitive leagues these days.

Like I said, I am glad I don't have to deal with this nonsense any more because it seems to get worse every year.

 

[Dick Whitman]

In a lot of cases, people stop caring about that stuff shortly after the kids start school. That was the case with my wife. I think once they get into regular school, you meet other like-minded people who you can make fun of the parents who send invites with a registry or notes listing all of the food their kid is allowed to eat.

Right.

What she told me yesterday is that she's just itching to meet that "one friend" in town she can relate to.

 

[Songbird]

I can't wait for the Whitman family Disney World trip thread...

Seriously, there are few things I hate more than doing anything in response to being shamed by family members or neighbors or anything like that. I could give a **** how big your house is, how new your bike is, how recently you went to Disney World, how much your shoes cost, etc.

I get so nauseated by comments like, "Billy said his basketball shoes cost $150." It makes you want to say, "Well, since Billy is 9 and doesn't play basketball, his parents are pretty ****ing stupid."

This is at the heart and soul of the Facebookification of culture, for the person who writes a thesis on the point in time we lost our minds.

 

[RecoveringJournalist]

At my 7-year-old's birthday party last year, one of the moms came in and wanted to know what we were serving for food. I said, "Oh, does he have allergies?" and was told he did not.

I said, "Well, we have nachos for a snack, and cake and ice cream."

"Well, tell him not to eat anything until I pick him up."

The kid ate four servings of nachos and two servings of cake.

We made sure he served himself so we could preserve plausible deniability.

 

[zagoshe]

Wait - people send notes to tell you what not to feed their kid?

If there is an allergy I can understand, but that is kind of ballsy isn't it?

People do this?

 

[RecoveringJournalist]

If you feel shamed by what someone puts on Facebook, that's on you, not them... I'm as competitive as you get about certain things, but I could give a **** if a neighbor has a better house, better car, takes more vacations or whatever...

 

[Songbird]

Guilt ... it's a helluva drug.

 

[Ace]

I got a good taste of weirdo parents this weekend because my younger brother is new to the whole youth sports scene as his two are still under ten.

So Saturday I go to his son's U-8 soccer game, you know to watch my nephew play.

Mind you, this is a COMMUNITY REC-LEAGUE game, not even a travel game, school game or a cup game.

It is basically 7 and 8 year olds who are playing for exercise and fun and maybe a few of them will figure out they like soccer, get good at it and move up and start playing at a higher level. I'm quite sure the best and most competitive kids are playing at a higher level by that point as I didn't see many kids that struck me as "wow that kid is a good athlete" running around there.

At any rate, the parents all bring their folding chairs and it seems like that has become a status symbol as they all have to have the latest and newest in folding chairs and they line them up along the field. Like, right on the sidelines so if the ball goes out on that side of the field it rolls under the chairs.

The two coaches were actually relatively normal and had the thing in perspective but some of these parents were screaming and yelling like it was the World Cup Final and acting like little Joey was headed for Team USA. And of course there were two dads down behind the goal who were "coaching" all of the kids - are they even allowed behind the goal?

Even my brother, who actually played sports his whole life and played Division III baseball, was acting like an idiot and when my nephew scored a goal - one of what seemed like 12 or 13 that were scored in the game he lost his mind.

And then he talked about his son's talent and how he'd score so many goals if the coach just let him play on the wing the whole game (she does a nice job of switching everyone around so every player gets to play offense, defense and even goaltender).

I didn't have the heart to tell him that as much as I love my nephew, I'm quite sure scoring a goal in a U-8 rec league game does not equate to "I'm the next Landon Donovan" though I could be wrong.....

But then there was "snack and drink" time after the game and my sister in law bitching because the woman who brought the snack brought cupcakes instead of something healthy and my nephew got the grape juice box and he wanted the apple juice box but wasn't in front of the line and one guy bitching at the coach -- who looks like she is like a 20-year old college kid who plays or played soccer and is just volunteering her time -- that the game was too physical because his little precious jewel hurt his ankle.....

Good lord, if this is what goes on at rec league games, I would be mortified to find out what goes on at the more competitive leagues these days.

Like I said, I am glad I don't have to deal with this nonsense any more because it seems to get worse every year.

I have always found that the younger the kids are in sports (especially baseball for some reason) the crazier the parents are.

Hey, I am coaching the team, and I will live win or lose. No need to threaten the 15-year-old umpire or protest to the league director.

Once they get older, parents get a better grip on reality.

 

[YankeeFan]

Guilt ... it's a helluva drug.

And you're not even a religious Jew.

 

[Dick Whitman]

If you feel shamed by what someone puts on Facebook, that's on you, not them... I'm as competitive as you get about certain things, but I could give a **** if a neighbor has a better house, better car, takes more vacations or whatever...

With someone like my wife, I don't think she is interested in "competing" for these things, necessarily. She's not materialistic.

It's that she sees what others are doing and thinks, "Are we doing this wrong?"

She said she was "embarrassed" that someone in our town or the moms at the school where she teaches will find out she has never been to Disney World, because it will expose her working-class background.

That's one difference between her and I. I'm proud to tell people that my dad stocked shelves at Wal-Mart and sold Christmas trees seasonally after he lost his factory job. This is who I am. Take it or leave it.

 

[RecoveringJournalist]

Wait - people send notes to tell you what not to feed their kid?

If there is an allergy I can understand, but that is kind of ballsy isn't it?

People do this?

One had a gluten allergy. I actually ran to the store to buy something he could eat and then found out from another parent that the kid does not have an allergy but that's what the mom tells people.

One was not allowed to eat anything other than fruit. This was the kid who swiped a box of Cheez-Its from our pantry and ate the entire box in the bathroom.

One was not allowed to eat anything with corn syrup in it.

 

[Songbird]

And you're not even a religious Jew.

Hey, I photographed Seder the last 2 Pesachs! I'm good in Elijah's eyes.

 

[RecoveringJournalist]

The first birthday party we had for my oldest, I joked that we were serving "Mountain Dew and Pixie stix" as snacks. About half the parents thought that was hilarious and got that I was joking. The other half looked at me like I should be shot.

Sometimes you learn the hard way that some can't take a joke.

 

[MisterCreosote]

My wife and I luckily don't care what anyone, including my own mother, thinks of our parenting unless we specifically ask.

You know, opinions are like assholes...

 

[bigpern23]

The first birthday party we had for my oldest, I joked that we were serving "Mountain Dew and Pixie stix" as snacks. About half the parents thought that was hilarious and got that I was joking. The other half looked at me like I should be shot.

Sometimes you learn the hard way that some can't take a joke.

So you served that half the Pixie Sticks and Mountain Dew, right?

 

[zagoshe]

Healthy food birthday parties?

What the ****, I am getting really old, I fear.

I thought the whole point of birthday parties was to get a bunch of kids all sugared up and pizzad up and caked up have them run around and be loud for a few hours and then leave a present and go home.

Am I wrong on this?

 

[RecoveringJournalist]

It's funny with parties... Serving soda is the one thing I've never seen a parent do. There may be candy, cake and ice cream all over the place, but I don't think my kids have been to a party where they serve soda. It's always Gatorade or Caprisuns or Kool-Aid.

 

[RecoveringJournalist]

Healthy food birthday parties?

What the ****, I am getting really old, I fear.

I thought the whole point of birthday parties was to get a bunch of kids all sugared up and pizzad up and caked up have them run around and be loud for a few hours and then leave a present and go home.

Am I wrong on this?

We've always served nachos or pizza with Gatorade.