LDRs

[PhilaYank36]

I just got into this relationship with a really amazing girl, but there's one teensy little problem: I'm nearby NYC and she just moved to San Diego. Bit of a problem there, which isn't helped by the fact that neither of us have much money. Have any of you been in a long-distance relationship (LDR) before? How do you cope in such a situation? Any help you kind sirs & madames can offer would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Inky_Wretch]

Dude, there are LDRs that are workable and then there's an NYC-San Diego one. If you aren't close enough to drive it every few weeks, or afford to fly it, then it won't work.

 

[Write-brained]

Be friends for now. Maybe circumstances later on will allow you to be more.

 

[kleeda]

Chase her. Chase her hard.

 

[CapeCodder]

I've been involved in one, but nothing like New York to San Diego. My sympathies--that's tough, dude. One thing we did when I was in a LDR was that we met at the halfway point as often as possible ... which, in your case, would be like, what ... Chicago?

 

[Ace]

I'd recommend phone sex, but you better get a really good calling plan.

 

[GB-Hack]

I'd recommend phone sex, but you better get a really good calling plan.

Or get VOIP, so it'd be all covered on a flat rate.

 

[Ace]

I'd recommend phone sex, but you better get a really good calling plan.

Or get VOIP, so it'd be all covered on a flat rate.

Good idea. I think the phone company still charges a full minute for a call that may last only 8 seconds.

 

[GB-Hack]

I'd recommend phone sex, but you better get a really good calling plan.

Or get VOIP, so it'd be all covered on a flat rate.

Good idea. I think the phone company still charges a full minute for a call that may last only 8 seconds.

Well that would work for one board member......

 

[slappy4428]

I've had them before; some worked, some didn't.
The last one I had, I was sick of only seeing each other four to six times a year. When I got the job opp to be closer to her, I took it. The paper folded and I've been doing freelance work since, but we're together.
With a long-term relationship, you have to look at long-term prospects.
If all you want is to see each other once or twice a year and have stoob-like sex, as long as you're both cool with it fine.
If you can only see each other once or twice a year and you want more out of life, well, you need to think long about what you are getting into...

 

[Buck]

Ask her to think about you when she has sex with other men.

 

[Ace]

Ask her to think about you when she has sex with other men.

 

[MertWindu]

Not to throw cold water on the thing, you Boston Hater, but I've never felt confident about relationships that start off as LDRs. It's one thing if you guys had been together for a few months, and gotten really close, and only now are you separating. But if this thing's just starting and you're that far apart, I'm afraid it's going to be a lot of heartache and longing. Basically, I can see three possibilities here:

A. One of you tires of not having the other around physically (not just sex), and decides they've had enough.

B. Neither person cheats or leaves the thing, but one (or both) of you starts to resent it, and maybe even the other person.

C. Against incredibly long odds, it somehow works out.

I only see C happening if one of you makes a move, and soon. Sorry man.

 

[PhilaYank36]

Hey, I appreciate the honesty. We've both talked about the practicality of this and we've agreed to try and see where this goes, but if it just doesn't work, there won't be any hard feelings and we'll stay friends.

 

[MertWindu]

Hey, I appreciate the honesty. We've both talked about the practicality of this and we've agreed to try and see where this goes, but if it just doesn't work, there won't be any hard feelings and we'll stay friends.

Best way to go at it.

 

[Flying Headbutt]

I've done more than my fair share. You gotta be certifiably insane to keep trying, which I suppose is what the pursuit of love can do to a guy. And it's probably why no matter how dumb I tell myself I am, I'm staring stupidity in the eye again, or at least trying to.

 

[imjustagirl2]

Good lord, I don't remember the last NON-LDR relationship I had. One, I was able to see the person once a month. One, it was every couple months. This one, it's about four times a year, depending on our schedules. But this is the one that's working.

Who knows how, or why, these things work? Would I like to see him more often? Absolutely. Do our schedules (and finances) allow it? Hell no. So we talk when we can, we send text messages to let the other know we're thinking of them, and we look forward until we can be next to each other again. It's not easy...but it's easier than not having him in my life. Simply not an option to me.

 

[slappy4428]

Good lord, I don't remember the last NON-LDR relationship I had. One, I was able to see the person once a month. One, it was every couple months. This one, it's about four times a year, depending on our schedules. But this is the one that's working.

Court orders have a funny way of making that happen...

 

[21]

You gotta be certifiably insane to keep trying

Or, you know you'll go certifiably insane if you stop trying.

Either way, I'm almost 5 years into this certifiable insanity. The LDR (at first glance I thought this thread was about Mormons, sorry), can work for the right combo of people, as long as you have the same vision and goals and commitment to the relationship. But I think it would be especially hard without some financial freedom to plan a lot of getaways and time together.

And of course all your friends and family will tell you you're crazy and it will never work, but if it's working for you, it's not their business.

ps, maybe Boom can put you on our phone plan.

 

[Perry White]

Not to throw cold water on the thing, you Boston Hater, but I've never felt confident about relationships that start off as LDRs. It's one thing if you guys had been together for a few months, and gotten really close, and only now are you separating. But if this thing's just starting and you're that far apart, I'm afraid it's going to be a lot of heartache and longing.

I learned that lesson from experience. I'm going to be starting a LDR soon, but I've already gotten to know her (I'm moving) so it should hopefully work better.