Cancer

[pallister]

Sory I can't offer a more uplifting thread, but I was wondering if anyone out there has any experience with a relative in failing health being diagnosed with cancer. If chemo's not feasible, are there any options? I haven't dealt with anything like this so I really have no idea. Any information would be appreciated.

 

[BYH]

Ugh. That sucks.

Best wishes to you and your family members, Pallister.

 

[melock]

There's never a good way to deal with cancer. Just pray they caught it early enough. It happened to someone close to me seven years ago and they caught it early and it was still hell on them. Best wishes to you.

 

[EStreetJoe]

Sory I can't offer a more uplifting thread, but I was wondering if anyone out there has any experience with a relative in failing health being diagnosed with cancer. If chemo's not feasible, are there any options? I haven't dealt with anything like this so I really have no idea. Any information would be appreciated.

Depending on where the cancer is, if chemo's not feasible there are no other options. You, the doctors and whatever health care team you assemble (hospice or visiting nurses and/or home health care workers) have to make sure your relative is as comfortable as possible and try to keep that relatives spirits up. I speak from experience as in July 2000 I was told my father has just 6-8 months to live because the melanoma had metaticized and spread to his lungs and it was too late to do anything - chemo could prolong his life a month or two, but not cure him. He died in Jan. 2001, the morning Bush was inaugurated.

 

[pallister]

That's what I thought. ****. It's my 77-year-old dad and it's lung cancer. He's been in and out of the hospital for almost 25 years with health problems, mostly heart-related. He's really gone downhill the last 4-5 years, though. Won't know for a day or two how bad it is or what the course of action will be, but there's no way he survives chemo. Thanks for the info.

 

[SixToe]

I'm truly sorry to hear about your situation.

I hate to be so blunt but have dealt with this a few times.

If chemo is not an option, and there are no other options for medication and improvement, then you or your family will have to decide where to spend the remaining time - hospital or maybe a hospice situation at home. Home may provide more comfort and less sterility, while the hospital would be less soothing but possibly more conveninent for medical assistance.

It won't be easy or pleasant, obviously. You may need to also discuss any "do not resuscitate" measures, which is incredibly difficult to have to deal with if it occurs.

Also, ask your physician to explain everything and don't be afraid to ask questions. Last time I went through this, the physician was dicking around about the remaing days and I had to buttonhole him in the hospital hallway. I said about two weeks, he said maybe less. It was 10 days, but I was able to prepare my relatives a little better.

It's tough to experience this with anyone, especially a loved one. Bank on your faith and family and friends.

 

[EStreetJoe]

In the case of my dad, he was basically in good health in his early 60s. His father had lived into his late 90s and his mother had lived into her 80s, so he figured he had a nice long life ahead of him. Passes his annual physical regularly with no problems. Then he gets this cough that lasts for months, keeps insisting its a cold and that its nothing. He finally caves in to the demands of my brother and I to get to the doctor about it. Doctor finds a melanoma on the skin, does a biopsy of the lymph node, x-rays of the lungs and they discover that its already spread to the lungs and its so aggressive that its too late to save him.

 

[pallister]

My dad's the kind of guy who lived his life like he would die young, and he'll probably take whatever the final diagnosis is in stride. Luckily for him (and my mom), my four older brothers and older sister all live within 20 minutes of my parents' place. I, however, live 1,200 miles away, an issue I'll have to deal with sooner or later. Hopefully later.

 

[Freelance Hack]

Pallister,

Go to the American Cancer Society's Web page (if you haven't already). There's a lot of good info there for those diagnosed and their loved ones. Also, check to see if you have a local chapter in your area that may provide access to services for you and your family.

Lastly, do you have United Way 2-1-1 in your area? If so, call it and you'll get access to even more services and help.

My prayers are with you and your family at this time. Peace.

 

[imjustagirl2]

pallister, I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish I could offer some help, or some information, but I've been relatively lucky in this facet.

The only thing I could offer was saying you might want to PM DocTalk.

My thoughts are with you and your father.

 

[alleyallen]

Pallister, so sorry to hear this. Just to back up what people are saying, try to find a support group or system if you can, a group of people who can tell you what to expect, not only for your dad, but for yourself and the rest of your family.

 

[Sxysprtswrtr]

The Big C is a scary thing. I'm sorry to hear pallister and Estreetjoe of your situations. I'm not sure too many of us nowadays can say we don't know someone who has or had cancer. Luckily, there are lots of folks walking around in every-day life who are in remission.

Prayers are with all of ya'll.

 

[CapeCodder]

My dad's the kind of guy who lived his life like he would die young, and he'll probably take whatever the final diagnosis is in stride. Luckily for him (and my mom), my four older brothers and older sister all live within 20 minutes of my parents' place. I, however, live 1,200 miles away, an issue I'll have to deal with sooner or later. Hopefully later.

Pallister, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. The only real words of wisdom I can give you is to make sure your father enjoys his time. My brother died in December of 2003 from cancer, and while he was receiving treatments, he made a point to keep doing the things he loved, like photography. If your Dad loves baseball, try and make sure he gets to as many games (or sees as many games) as possible. If he loves music, make sure he gets as many CDs as possible. Just make sure he spends his days doing what he really loves.

 

[User 1019]

Pallister, I am truly, truly sorry about your news. In 2003, cancer killed my father on July 8 after he was diagnosed on February 23. He was 45.

Spend as much time with your father in these last days as you can. If he feels like it, take him out for a cup of coffee or a ballgame. Make him happy.

 

[dawgpounddiehard]

It sure seems like everyone has been involved with cancer one way or the other. Last summer, my mom found out she had breast cancer. She got a masectomy July 5, had chemo in the fall and now her energy level is coming back, as is the hair. Tomorrow she's getting her port out.

She's on the right track and her spirits are at the highest since this all started.

I only say this, not to rub it in, but to show that people can overcome this horrific circumstance.

Of course, when she was getting chemo, it did not limit her calls to me in the fall, bitching about "those ****ing Browns."

Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with everyone here. Pallister, I'm very sorry to hear what you're going through and hopefully by people sharing their stories or concerns with you, it gives you a few moments in the day you feel slightly better.

 

[GuessWho]

A very close member of my immediate family is fighting it. She's relatively young (early 50s). It's like two steps forward, one step back, or, unfortunately, vice versa. Everyone's keeping up a brave front, but in private moments I can't help but wonder when or if the day's going to come when we all have to come to grips with the knowledge that it's going to be a losing battle. No matter how busy you are or what you're doing, it's always on your mind. Always. So I can appreciate what you're dealing with, pallister. I know it's no consolation, but a lot of us on here have had to deal with this. Cancer is one mother****ing *****.

 

[Duane Postum]

In the case of my dad, he was basically in good health in his early 60s. His father had lived into his late 90s and his mother had lived into her 80s, so he figured he had a nice long life ahead of him. Passes his annual physical regularly with no problems. Then he gets this cough that lasts for months, keeps insisting its a cold and that its nothing. He finally caves in to the demands of my brother and I to get to the doctor about it. Doctor finds a melanoma on the skin, does a biopsy of the lymph node, x-rays of the lungs and they discover that its already spread to the lungs and its so aggressive that its too late to save him.

Got a similar story with my dad, who died at 63 ... had a pain in his upper back, they found a spot on his lung, he started treatment in January of '89, died at the end of February. Merciless.

 

[outofplace]

My sympathies, Pallister. I lost my father to cancer eight years ago. My father-in-law died from cancer two years ago. I hope your father and your family are far more fortunate.

I don't know what the doctors are saying in this case, but I do have one positive story. Not long after I met the woman who is now my wife, I brought my best friend and his girlfriend over to meet her. We all had dinner and rented a movie together.

I walk them out and when I return, I find her in tears. The doctors had found a lump in her breast and she had to wait a few days to find out if it was cancer. To her, it seemed like a death sentence if it was.

I told her if that was true, my best friend would have never been able to visit. He was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer when he was in middle school, but he beat it. (By the way, now in his mid-30s, he is still cancer-free). That seemed to calm her a bit and it turned out the lump was not cancerous.

Doctors told my father he had five months and he lasted six. They told my father-in-law the same thing and he was gone four months later. They told my best friend his chances were not good, but he's as healthy as ever 20 years later. He even has a daughter even though they told him there was no way he would be able to father a child due to the radiation therapy.

The point being, ask a lot of questions. Inform yourself. Be there for your father and try to help him enjoy every minute he has left. Don't tear yourself up over what will be. Deal with what is happening now and helping your family through it.

 

[buckweaver]

Been through cancer twice now with very dear relatives. You can't predict how long you have to prepare. My advice is to start now.

Your thoughts will be dominated by your dad, and rightfully so. But I can't stress it enough how important it is to take care of yourself, too. Whatever helps you prepare, whatever helps you grieve, whatever helps you accept -- you need to do that for yourself.

Your own peace of mind is of utmost importance.

When it's time, your dad will be gone but he will be at peace. Putting yours off and having it slap you in the face when he's gone makes death -- such an inevitability of life -- even harder to deal with. It doesn't have to be.

Cherish the moments you have left, make him happy, do whatever he wants, and appreciate all the time you can spend with him.

But do so with the knowledge that he won't always be there, and the peace of mind that you can accept that. Good luck, and my thoughts go out to you and yours, Pall.

 

[outofplace]

Been through cancer twice now with very dear relatives. You can't predict how long you have to prepare. My advice is to start now.

Your thoughts will be dominated by your dad, and rightfully so. But I can't stress it enough how important it is to take care of yourself, too. Whatever helps you prepare, whatever helps you grieve, whatever helps you accept -- you need to do that for yourself.

Your own peace of mind is of utmost importance.

When it's time, your dad will be gone but he will be at peace. Putting yours off and having it slap you in the face when he's gone makes death -- such an inevitability of life -- even harder to deal with. It doesn't have to be.

Cherish the moments you have left, make him happy, do whatever he wants, and appreciate all the time you can spend with him.

But do so with the knowledge that he won't always be there, and the peace of mind that you can accept that. Good luck, and my thoughts go out to you and yours, Pall.

Excellent advice. I managed ok when my father passed. It wasn't easy, but I got through it. My wife, however, was a wreck when she lost her dad. She just wasn't ready and it took her a long time to recover.