Why Am I Friends With This Guy?

[Pete Incaviglia]

So, I have a friend who lives about 45 minutes from me. He's in one city, I'm in another. We met in college. We have a lot in common. He stood in my wedding. I'm in his. But my God, he pisses me off.

Friday, we were to go to an MLB game together. We hadn't bought tickets, but made plans (i.e. my wife was picking up our daughter after work, I was leaving work early, things like that).

He bails at 3 p.m. in an email. Game time was 7 p.m.

About a month ago, he said he'd ride with me to New York to see a Mets game in August. We were going to meet up with another friend from college.

So, Sunday night, the other friend books the hotel. Today, the same friend who bailed on Friday's game bailed on NYC in an email - exactly a month before before we're to leave.

**** like this pisses me off.

Anyone else have friends like this? How do you handle it? Am I just overreacting? Maybe, but man, don't make plans — especially ones that involve planning and money of this magnitude — if you aren't going to follow through.

Rant over.

Thanks.

 

[old_tony]

The night before his wedding, email him and tell him you can't make it.

 

[imjustagirl]

Anyone else have friends like this? How do you handle it? Am I just overreacting? Maybe, but man, don't make plans — especially ones that involve planning and money of this magnitude — if you aren't going to follow through.

I went through something SOMEWHAT similar -- friend was coming to visit, I'd turned down other plans, said friend bailed two weeks out -- but it didn't cost me any money, so that's good.

Best I can offer is to always remember that. Get his money up front for any event. ALWAYS have a backup plan. Make sure he knows when he agrees to go, if he cancels, he will owe his percentage of anything.

 

[Pete Incaviglia]

The night before his wedding, email him and tell him you can't make it.

That's awesome.

I'll email him a couple days before.

 

[JakeandElwood]

Make him do the reservations from now on so he's the one getting stuck with the bill if this stuff keeps happening.

 

[TheSportsPredictor]

He's just not that into you.

 

[zebracoy]

A friend of mine whom I went to high school with always does this stuff. When he'll be in the area - he lives six hours away now - he'll give me a call or send an e-mail and say, "What are you doing on this day? I'll be in town, let's catch a ballgame" or something of the sort.

I'll say sure, try to keep my options open, etc., but when the days get closer, that goes out the window. If he's even made the trip at all, he'll find some reason to cancel.

In short, I keep the date in the back of my mind when he asks, but practically, I just go about my business. And if I schedule something over that day and he's actually around, it doesn't hurt as much to cancel on him.

 

[Dyno]

I have the same issue with a friend who lives near where I grew up. When I go home to visit my mom, I sometimes try to make plans with him, because I have fun hanging out with him and he's one of the few still single friends I have up there. More times than not, though, he totally flakes on me and either bails at the last minute or just stops returning my calls/emails when it comes to finalizing plans. The funny (?) thing about it is that he seems completely oblivious that he does it. The last time I saw him, he was bitterly complaining about another friend of his who bailed at the last minute and was going on about how rude it was. I just chuckled and didn't say anything.

 

[RedSmithClone]

Funny how you just posted this. I was going to post something similar.

My best friend from college came back east from the west coast on his furlough. We talk via cell and e-mail at least once a week. So he tells me in May that he's coming home the last two weeks of July, and to get as much time off as I can so we can catch a few ballgames and spend time at some clubs in Boston. Well he left this morning and I saw him for four hours in one day on his visit. That day I brought him on a radio show as a guest cohost with me and then we did lunch. At lunch I say so what games you want to go to? I can get Sox tickets, or tix to any of their minor league teams. He says I don't want to make plans. "I JUST WANT TO WING IT." So then he has this to do and that to do.

I took a full weeks worth of vaction and holiday days and had my sister rework her schedule so I didn't have to babysit my niece only to have him basically diss me. Those are days I can't get back now.

 

[shockey]

He's just not that into you.

perfecto! ;D ;D ;D

 

[RedSmithClone]

Well Pete, as you can see from myself and a few others, you are not alone.


And yes, the "he's just not into you" post was damn good!

 

[NoOneLikesUs]

I dealt with this a few weeks ago. Made plans to take a friend to see an MLS game and he backed out at the last minute. This was after bailing on me a few weeks before. I didn't get stuck with a ticket or anything like that, but it pisses me off when you make it a point to say you want to go to a game with me and never follow through.

Another group of people I associate with (wouldn't call them friends) begged me to come to a party a few weeks ago. Of course, I told them I was working that evening, but I said I would make an attempt to come after work. I did just that, but they shut down the party and went to a club before I got there. Since I was not dressed to go to any club, I went home, alone and angry. They were apologetic, but it didn't make me feel any better.

 

[expendable]

Maybe he found out that going to see an MLS game meant he was going to a soccer match.

 

[Rhody31]

A buddy of mine was out on the west coast for work and met up with one of our close college buddies for drinks - nothing too crazy because he had to work early the next day. The west coast kid was a notorious cheap-ass in college - his dad gave him a credit card for gas and other stuff, then he'd ask us for gas money if he drove and we'd tell him to give us his parents address so we could send the five bucks.
They meet for drinks and the visiting buddy opens a tab. The west coast kid decides its open bar night for him and starts ordering jager bombs and drinks for random girls. At the end of the night, the tab was nearly $300. The west coast kid chipped in nothing.
It wasn't the first time he did this. Another friend was out there for work and he brought a date for dinner. He didn't throw in a penny.
He fits a certain stereotype to a T.

 

[Bad Guy Zero]

I had a friend like Pete's. She did similar crap like your friend has. Cancelled plans last minute or just flat out forgot that we had made plans. Or something like she did on New Years Eve last year. We were going to meet up at a nearby bar to ring in the new year. I got there and couldn't find her. I called her and she says she decided not to go out but for me to come over. I get to her place a few minutes later and there's no sign that she's home. Lights are off. No response to my knocking on the door. And I put up with the shenanigans because every now and then a night of drinking would lead to bedroom debauchery. A couple of months ago I just got fed up with all of it. So now she's dead to me. First person that I've ever said that about and meant it. I think she's stalking me now.

 

[expendable]

I had a friend like Pete's. She did similar crap like your friend has. Cancelled plans last minute or just flat out forgot that we had made plans. Or something like she did on New Years Eve last year. We were going to meet up at a nearby bar to ring in the new year. I got there and couldn't find her. I called her and she says she decided not to go out but for me to come over. I get to her place a few minutes later and there's no sign that she's home. Lights are off. No response to my knocking on the door. And I put up with the shenanigans because every now and then a night of drinking would lead to bedroom debauchery. A couple of months ago I just got fed up with all of it. So now she's dead to me. First person that I've ever said that about and meant it. I think she's stalking me now.

Canceling plans at the last minute is one thing, but leading you on to think you might get some Happy New Year's treats is another.

 

[Football_Bat]

Defriend him.


Too ****ing easy.

 

[qtlaw]

Had a tennis partner do that on my Sunday mornings and after a couple of times I had to just tell him, sorry. This was the only time I could get off since we had two young boys and he really made me waste my only free time for the week.

I think these "flakers" have more free time than you do and they do not realize/care that they are killing yours while keeping their options open. Very inconsiderate.

 

[ArnoldBabar]

I had a friend like Pete's. She did similar crap like your friend has. Cancelled plans last minute or just flat out forgot that we had made plans. Or something like she did on New Years Eve last year. We were going to meet up at a nearby bar to ring in the new year. I got there and couldn't find her. I called her and she says she decided not to go out but for me to come over. I get to her place a few minutes later and there's no sign that she's home. Lights are off. No response to my knocking on the door. And I put up with the shenanigans because every now and then a night of drinking would lead to bedroom debauchery. A couple of months ago I just got fed up with all of it. So now she's dead to me. First person that I've ever said that about and meant it. I think she's stalking me now.

I had a friend pull some flaky **** that ended up with me being alone on New Year's once, when I could have done any number of other things. Man, I was furious.

 

[dreunc1542]

A bunch of my friends from home are flaky and it bothers me to no end. If you make plans to do something then follow through. And if you say yes to playing a round of golf but decide to cancel, do it days, not hours, before so I can find a replacement.

It's one of the main reasons I'm perfectly happy that I'll have a new home in about a month.