Weird Question for the Board

[Mighty_Wingman]

Oh, and don't eat out your wife if she breastfeeds. It'll taste like metal down there. You might as well lick a waffle iron for all the fun it'll be.

Awesome. Totally awesome.

Yep.

 

[Lone_Star_Speed]

When I knocked up a preacher's daughter ten years ago she bought a home pregnancy test. It came back positive. I'm not sure which particular test she purchased...but it came with two tests. She took the other one a couple of weeks later and it came back negative. So my experience is that they're 50% accurate. Just ask my little *******!

 

[User 1019]

How accurate are home pregnancy tests?

Me and the Mrs. are batting two-for-two.

We've used two different brands and scored a positive on each.

It's funny. We're both kinda like "naahhh....really? you think?"

Oh, yeah. You're preggers. I didn't put much stock in what I described as a 15-cent piece of cardboard made by the lowest bidder in Bangladesh, either. Until those lines were as dark as they could be.

I've also read independent literature that says they're 99 percent correct.

Congratulations, man. Hop on in the boat. We're 10 weeks in and lookin' good.

The part that sucks is, in four days, I'll leave her at the airport and won't see her again for five months. I hope you get to enjoy more of it than I will.

 

[Lone_Star_Speed]

Classic movie scene involving a pregnancy test is in Singles.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Well, we've always been right. The few times Mrs. Slydell took one and it said she wasn;t pregnant, she wasn't.

Then in January, BOOYAH! (sorry for the Stuart Scott lingo).

The first time it said she was, she was. The little rugrat is due in early October.
Congrats BTW.

 

[EE94]

How accurate are home pregnancy tests?

Me and the Mrs. are batting two-for-two.

We've used two different brands and scored a positive on each.

It's funny. We're both kinda like "naahhh....really? you think?"

Make sure you have insurance. Then go to the doctor. They usually won't make a declaration until the second month. Which was good for us with our first because we had no maternity insurance (on a private policy) for two years. Just like that, her company got insurance. Saved our ass.

Canada, for all its problems, at least doesn't cost you for having a baby, national health policy and all.

 

[Big Buckin' agate_monkey]

THIS MESSAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE CAMPAIGN FOR HONESTY IN FATHERHOOD:

Way to throw it to your wife, Sue. Planted that seed like it was a touchdown spike.

A little more than nine months from now, the greatest day of your life.

Then a lot of **** for, like, three months.

Then a mix of **** and joy for, like, six months.

Then a lot of joy, straight up.

Oh, and soon you'll cry over anything. I used to think "Wires" by Athlete was just a good song. Now I hear it, and I'm driving off the road through a curtain of tears.

And I would give anything for ten hours of sleep... Anything but my baby boy, that is.

It's amazing how you'd die in a finger snap to protect what is essentially a smiling, featherless turkey.

Oh, and don't eat out your wife if she breastfeeds. It'll taste like metal down there. You might as well lick a waffle iron for all the fun it'll be.

What were we talking about again?

Oh, and don't eat out your wife if she breastfeeds. It'll taste like metal down there. You might as well lick a waffle iron for all the fun it'll be.

Awesome. Totally awesome.

I preferred the smiling turkey line, myself.

Never fail to amuse, Jones.

I struggled to pick which was my favorite. I'm going with co-winners.

 

[21]

Oh, and don't eat out your wife if she breastfeeds. It'll taste like metal down there. You might as well lick a waffle iron for all the fun it'll be.

Awesome. Totally awesome.

She's having the baby....licking a waffle iron is the least any man can do.

 

[novelist_wannabe]

THIS MESSAGE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE CAMPAIGN FOR HONESTY IN FATHERHOOD:

Way to throw it to your wife, Sue. Planted that seed like it was a touchdown spike.

A little more than nine months from now, the greatest day of your life.

Then a lot of **** for, like, three months.

Then a mix of **** and joy for, like, six months.

Then a lot of joy, straight up.

Oh, and soon you'll cry over anything. I used to think "Wires" by Athlete was just a good song. Now I hear it, and I'm driving off the road through a curtain of tears.

And I would give anything for ten hours of sleep... Anything but my baby boy, that is.

It's amazing how you'd die in a finger snap to protect what is essentially a smiling, featherless turkey.

Oh, and don't eat out your wife if she breastfeeds. It'll taste like metal down there. You might as well lick a waffle iron for all the fun it'll be.

What were we talking about again?

If I posted something like this about my wife, a waffle iron is what I'd get upside the head. That said, Jones, this is pure spun gold. There's a Ted Nugent song in there somewhere ...

Thanks everyone. Here's hoping both were right. Now we have to find a doctor in this third world country.

If by third world country you mean Alabama, Slappy might be able to help ...

OK, enough with the rimshots. Congrats SSM. If this is your first, it will be unlike any other experience you ever have.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Classic movie scene involving a pregnancy test is in Singles.

Steve, don't cum yet.
You dare to rip the X man.

 

[Ashy Larry]

Congrats SSM!! Getting ready for a fun and eventful trip!

 

[Bob Slydell]

While we're on the subject, the wife and I are doing birthing classes.

For those who have done them, is itbetter to do it all in one day, or take 5 two hour classes? I'd rather do one day, but I may get outvtoted 1-1 by Mrs. Slydell.

Thought?

 

[Big Buckin' agate_monkey]

You're whipped. ;D

 

[Bob Slydell]

You're whipped. ;D

Well, I know that. Tell me something I can use!
And it's not whipped, it's scary pregnant woman hormones in full effect.

 

[Perry White]

What do you want to do, bring back the rabbit test?

 

[Songbird]

Oh, and don't eat out your wife if she breastfeeds. It'll taste like metal down there. You might as well lick a waffle iron for all the fun it'll be.

Awesome. Totally awesome.

She's having the baby....licking a waffle iron is the least any man can do.

Is that like licking the twatwaffle iron?

 

[SoSueMe]

A doctor made the news official this afternoon.

Thanks for all the congrats folks.

 

[Tom Petty]

congrats sue.

one word of advice: the changing table was the second-best piece of furnature we bought for the heartbreakers right behind the crib. ... both despised the $400 rocking chair.

 

[Lone_Star_Speed]

Make sure to get a stroller that has a pop-out carrier. Bonus if it also works as a car seat. Makes it a lot easier to move a sleeping infant around without waking it up. Handle design should be looked at. Some of those carriers are a pain due to how the handle is designed.