Top-five things chicks don't get about us

[hondo]

I was inspired by a couple of off-the-cuff comments by the wife in the course of a casual evening in front of the tube: what don't women get about us?

My top-5

1. Pulp Fiction.

2. Thursday night football ("you've got Saturday, Sunday and Monday ... why do you need Thursday?" asked Mrs. Hondo).

3. The Sopranos.

4. Cargo shorts.

5. Emergency nines ("You play 18 holes ... why do you need nine more?")

Weigh in guys ...

 

[spikechiquet]

1. It's the wallet that says "Bad Mother****er on it"

2. Why was Oprah on 5 days a week?

3. ***Never seen an episode, can't even be a smart ass on this one***

4. Because my stone-washed cutoffs got too tight in the junk-holder

5. That's just the excuse we use go we can drink for 2 hours after.

 

[waterytart]

Love Pulp Fiction. And football. And The Sopranos.

No one looks good in cargo shorts. If they're your version of "fat clothes", wear them at home, not out.

I'm meh about golf, but if it's fun for you, enjoy.

(For the record, I'm very happily married.)

 

[YGBFKM]

I look great in cargo shorts.

 

[playthrough]

What my wife has never understood about golf is how after I've spent those 4-5 hours with my buddies, maybe for the first time in several months, I have gleaned no information about kids, jobs, relationships, nothing. "What do you talk about the entire time?" "Golf."

 

[waterytart]

I look great in cargo shorts.

This post is useless without ...

 

[spikechiquet]

What my wife has never understood about golf is how after I've spent those 4-5 hours with my buddies, maybe for the first time in several months, I have gleaned no information about kids, jobs, relationships, nothing. "What do you talk about the entire time?" "Golf."

Amen!

I'm a reporter (well, was at one point) and I ask questions for a living...I don't put on that hat away from work.

My wife knows most of my friends pretty well...she can ask her own queries.

 

[imjustagirl]

Why would any man be with a woman who doesn't get Pulp Fiction? ****, I've never met anyone who didn't love PF.

 

[Frank_Ridgeway]

Wife bought me the only pair of cargo shorts I have, and I ****ing hate them. I keep them not only because she bought them but because they are baggy and dark brown and might be useful when I become old and lose control of my bowels.

Remember when Esquire had a monthly feature called "Ten Things You Don't Know About Women?" Wife said they should rename it, "Ten MORE Things You Don't Know About Women." True, but women don't understand men very well, either.

 

[HejiraHenry]

My list of things that my wife doesn't get about me:
1. Why The Three Stooges unfailingly make me laugh.
2. Why at age 54 I still have a couple big boxes of comic books.
3. My fascination with seeing female stars -- or, hell, female non-stars -- naked in movies. (And why I'm severely pissed that Sarah Jessica Parker never got naked.)
4. My love of bad sci-fi movies. Especially if they have naked chicks.
5. Tom Clancy novels.

 

[DanOregon]

1. I don't want to be "fixed" or "figured out" and am not interested in assisting in any efforts to do so.
2. A lot of times when we do stuff, we don't put a lot of thought into it - so you shouldn't either.
3. We aren't as complicated as you might wish we would be.
4. We wear cargo shorts because we don't carry purses.
5. We watch the NBA and NFL drafts for the same reasons you watch The Bachelor or American Idol.

 

[dooley_womack1]

1. We really prefer Chardonnay to beer.
2. We enjoy a good cry as much as a woman.
3. We're mourning the demise of soap operas.
4. We prefer cuddling to sex.
5. We dress to impress other guys.

[/buck]

 

[schiezainc]

1.) I don't enjoy being on the phone and when you call me on your work break, I appreciate it but am not going to be the best conversationalist because I'm either busy myself or, if I'm not busy and doing nothing, all I want to do is nothing.

2.) I watch stupid action movies with excessive violence because I'm a guy and we like to watch s*it blow up.

3.) We think about sex a lot. Even unintentionally. So, when I cuddle over to your side of the bed in the middle of the night and try to get some, it's not because I'm conscientiously trying to get some, it's because I'm a horn dog and, at that very moment, I'm thinking of banging either you or someone else in the dream I'm currently having.

4.) It may appear that we don't care about certain people because we don't ask how they're doing or how whatever personal crisis they're having is affecting them but, in actuality, this is how we care. We care by not caring.

5.) We watch sports and root for certain teams not so much because of the athletic contests themselves but because if our team wins, it proves we're better than people who root for other teams. And, if our team loses, it's because that other team cheated.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

Stuff my wife doesn't understand:

1. Why it's fun to watch spring training baseball. "The games don't even count!" she says.

2. She has this old fleece sweatshirt from when we first started dating. It's looking a little ratty now, and she rarely wears it. Yet, it always takes me back to when we first met and were in total puppy love, and she doesn't understand why I still am totally turned on when she wears it. To her, it's just this old sweatshirt that she keeps trying to lose.

3. Why I like pro wrestling. "It's violent and stupid!" she says. Then I remind her of the violence and stupidity of her Lifetime movies.

4. Why stuffing clean laundry into drawers is good enough for us. It's just going to get taken out and worn again. Why bother wasting time folding it neatly?

5. Why I'm on here. Because for many years as a journalist, I worked a schedule opposite the rest of the world, and thus, had little time to make friends.

 

[Piotr Rasputin]

1.

2.

3.

4.

(as opposed to

)

5.

 

[HanSenSE]

My list of things that my wife doesn't get about me:
1. Why The Three Stooges unfailingly make me laugh.

I fail to understand why anything else was on the list ... with any woman!

 

[playthrough]

1.

2.

3.

4.

(as opposed to

)

5.

Yeah, chicks don't get how you could like IU Football. Or how you found a photo of a full Memorial Stadium (Buckeye game?)

 

[bigpern23]

1. We don't care if you almost fell in because we left the seat up. We think you should have glanced at the toilet before you sat your ass down.

2. When you say, "I saw so and so today," and we ask, "Oh yeah? How is so-and-so?" we don't want the 50-minute version of so-and-so's life, coupled with a few tangents. We want, "So-and-so is good. So-and-so says hi." We really don't care. If we do, we'll ask follow-ups.

3. We masturbated long before we ever met you. A lot. Old habits are hard to break.

4. The Joker's line in "The Dark Knight" describes most of our actions: We're like dogs chasing cars, we wouldn't know what to do if we caught them. Don't overthink what we do, because we certainly don't.

5. If we're thoughtful enough to give you a compliment, we want you to take it gracefully. Don't put down our compliment by saying "No, it doesn't look good," or "You're just saying that." If that's going to be your reaction to every compliment, there's no reason for us to compliment you in the future.

 

[Buck]

What is impetus behind the growing backlash against cargo shorts over the past few years?

 

[Huggy]

What is impetus behind the growing backlash against cargo shorts over the past few years?

I don't get that either. I love them.

Anyway, I will add three off the toip of my head, i am sure there will be more:

1. Farting

2. Lengthy discussions about the cinematic careers of Kay Parker, Ginger Lynn, Aunt Peg, Nina Hartley, Ron Jeremy, Peter North, Randy West, Herschel Savage and others.

3. Monty Python