Top-five things chicks don't get about us
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SixToe
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My things:
-- I blow up, yell, vent and then I get over it almost immediately. It's the way I deal with things. If you immediately ask me with questions like "Why are you acting this way?" or "Don't you think that's not a good way to act?" then don't be surprised when I lose it again. I don't smile and say "Golly gee, that was bad" like in Pleasantville. **** happens.
-- Yes, I could eat pizza or Chinese buffet every day. Pulled pork barbecue, too. Every. Single. Day.
-- Yes, I know you don't understand that I could be a near-reclusive hermit. Not Unibomber-hermit, but a cabin in the mountains away from everything or little spot near the beach (not on, but near) would be fine.
-- Don't bother me when I'm reading unless something is seriously important, like blood spurting from an open wound. If you interrupt me to mention something stupid about American Idol or Jan's cute dress at work, don't get upset when I ignore you. I don't care. Ever. Talk about that **** with your friends at work.
-- No, I don't think American Idol, America's Talented Idiots, The Singing Bee, The Voice, anything on HGTV, Runway Weirdos, Design New Crappy Clothing or any kind of "reality" show like that is cool, interesting, fun to watch or great family time.
-- Yes, I very easily can watch football on Saturday from 11 a.m. to the Hawaii game at 1 a.m. I like watching golf, too.
-- When I give you a gift and you say "How much was this?" or I tell you the clothes are nice and you say "Oh, I'm fat" or something like that, then I will quit giving you compliments. I did not marry you for your idiotic neuroses or insecurities.
-- Wearing socks and underwear in summer is optional. It just is.
-- It may seem crazy to spend a day or weekend with my friends and not ask about their lives, but we don't do that. We're playing golf or going to the football game. We're not together to "catch up" on our feelings.
And these things, stolen from others:
2. When you say, "I saw so and so today," and we ask, "Oh yeah? How is so-and-so?" we don't want the 50-minute version of so-and-so's life, coupled with a few tangents. We want, "So-and-so is good. So-and-so says hi." We really don't care. If we do, we'll ask follow-ups.
5. If we're thoughtful enough to give you a compliment, we want you to take it gracefully. Don't put down our compliment by saying "No, it doesn't look good," or "You're just saying that." If that's going to be your reaction to every compliment, there's no reason for us to compliment you in the future.
3.) We think about sex a lot. Even unintentionally. So, when I cuddle over to your side of the bed in the middle of the night and try to get some, it's not because I'm conscientiously trying to get some, it's because I'm a horn dog and, at that very moment, I'm thinking of banging either you or someone else in the dream I'm currently having.
1. I don't want to be "fixed" or "figured out" and am not interested in assisting in any efforts to do so.
-- I blow up, yell, vent and then I get over it almost immediately. It's the way I deal with things. If you immediately ask me with questions like "Why are you acting this way?" or "Don't you think that's not a good way to act?" then don't be surprised when I lose it again. I don't smile and say "Golly gee, that was bad" like in Pleasantville. **** happens.
-- Yes, I could eat pizza or Chinese buffet every day. Pulled pork barbecue, too. Every. Single. Day.
-- Yes, I know you don't understand that I could be a near-reclusive hermit. Not Unibomber-hermit, but a cabin in the mountains away from everything or little spot near the beach (not on, but near) would be fine.
-- Don't bother me when I'm reading unless something is seriously important, like blood spurting from an open wound. If you interrupt me to mention something stupid about American Idol or Jan's cute dress at work, don't get upset when I ignore you. I don't care. Ever. Talk about that **** with your friends at work.
-- No, I don't think American Idol, America's Talented Idiots, The Singing Bee, The Voice, anything on HGTV, Runway Weirdos, Design New Crappy Clothing or any kind of "reality" show like that is cool, interesting, fun to watch or great family time.
-- Yes, I very easily can watch football on Saturday from 11 a.m. to the Hawaii game at 1 a.m. I like watching golf, too.
-- When I give you a gift and you say "How much was this?" or I tell you the clothes are nice and you say "Oh, I'm fat" or something like that, then I will quit giving you compliments. I did not marry you for your idiotic neuroses or insecurities.
-- Wearing socks and underwear in summer is optional. It just is.
-- It may seem crazy to spend a day or weekend with my friends and not ask about their lives, but we don't do that. We're playing golf or going to the football game. We're not together to "catch up" on our feelings.
And these things, stolen from others:
2. When you say, "I saw so and so today," and we ask, "Oh yeah? How is so-and-so?" we don't want the 50-minute version of so-and-so's life, coupled with a few tangents. We want, "So-and-so is good. So-and-so says hi." We really don't care. If we do, we'll ask follow-ups.
5. If we're thoughtful enough to give you a compliment, we want you to take it gracefully. Don't put down our compliment by saying "No, it doesn't look good," or "You're just saying that." If that's going to be your reaction to every compliment, there's no reason for us to compliment you in the future.
3.) We think about sex a lot. Even unintentionally. So, when I cuddle over to your side of the bed in the middle of the night and try to get some, it's not because I'm conscientiously trying to get some, it's because I'm a horn dog and, at that very moment, I'm thinking of banging either you or someone else in the dream I'm currently having.
1. I don't want to be "fixed" or "figured out" and am not interested in assisting in any efforts to do so.
JackReacher
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Buck said:
Good question. I mean, what other kind of acceptable shorts are there?
Baron Scicluna
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6. Please stop asking of that outfit makes you look fat. You are putting me in a bad position. Say no, and you don't believe me. Say yes, and, well, that floor in the garage looks comfortable to sleep on. Honey, you've gained fifty pounds since I met you, 40 of them since we were married. You are fat. There, I said it. And I love you anyways, and I love wrapping my arms around your belly. So stop being a pain in the ass.
Buck
Well-Known Member
The appropriate answer is:
It's not the clothing that makes a person look fat.
It's not the clothing that makes a person look fat.
playthrough said:
Bingo.
Also:
2. I really don't want to know why Jeanie was at Claire's house, just tell me what's the problem.
3. The bathroom is a sanctuary
4. The opening scene of Top Gun, no not the volleyball in long pants
5. why our mothers are perfect.
spikechiquet
Well-Known Member
I'm so glad Mrs. Chiquet:
- drinks Guinness and knows what doublebocks, IPAs and Hefewizens are by taste alone
- watches more football and baseball than I do (since I work at night, kinda busy...she keeps me informed)...and knows more about tennis and NASCAR than I ever will
- never asks me: "does this look alright?"...because she doesn't give a **** what I think...and she looks damn fine anyway
- understands that I am low man on the totem pole at work and will have to work over the holiday weekend, meaning she has to make her own plans
- loves Vegas because she can gamble and drink and make bets non-stop. Not because she could go shopping
- Doesn't care about me looking at porn...as long as I don't get a virus on the computer
- she'll randomly text me topless pics
But yeah...she still doesn't get me on many other things...but I'd glad for the ones she does get.
- drinks Guinness and knows what doublebocks, IPAs and Hefewizens are by taste alone
- watches more football and baseball than I do (since I work at night, kinda busy...she keeps me informed)...and knows more about tennis and NASCAR than I ever will
- never asks me: "does this look alright?"...because she doesn't give a **** what I think...and she looks damn fine anyway
- understands that I am low man on the totem pole at work and will have to work over the holiday weekend, meaning she has to make her own plans
- loves Vegas because she can gamble and drink and make bets non-stop. Not because she could go shopping
- Doesn't care about me looking at porn...as long as I don't get a virus on the computer
- she'll randomly text me topless pics
But yeah...she still doesn't get me on many other things...but I'd glad for the ones she does get.
1. My love of cars, the faster, the better. My wife asked me why I need more horsepower. I replied "I enjoy anything that has enough horsepower that gives me the ability to do something really stupid." I just like cars with power that are fun to drive. That means steering with road feel. That means a stick shift. That means pricey brakes with awesome stopping powers.
2. Big, dumb action movies. The only one the wife enjoyed was "The Expendables." I like to watch things go bang and laugh at corny lines. It's no different for men vis-a-vis Twilight for women.
3. Our love of video games. It's an escape. A welcome escape. It's a nice, cheap time-waster. You gripe that the new game we bought costs $50-$60, but we get more use of it than you'd think.
2. Big, dumb action movies. The only one the wife enjoyed was "The Expendables." I like to watch things go bang and laugh at corny lines. It's no different for men vis-a-vis Twilight for women.
3. Our love of video games. It's an escape. A welcome escape. It's a nice, cheap time-waster. You gripe that the new game we bought costs $50-$60, but we get more use of it than you'd think.
JackReacher
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heyabbott said:
ShiptoShore
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JackReacher said:
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novelist_wannabe
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Mrs. Novelist doesn't get
1. My taste in moves. Specifically, Shawshank Redemption and A River Runs Through It. (To be fair, I don't get hers, either. C'est la vie)
2. My total lack of need to accessorize. If it's not useful, I don't want or need it.
3. My never-ending quest to watch baseball. I secretly think she believes I love it more than I love her. Were she to ask about this, my reply would be, "honey, I've known baseball since I was eight. I've known you since I was 24. You've still got 16 years worth of catching up to do."
4. My fairly unrefined palate. Look, I was in the military. I've subsisted for weeks on MREs. One becomes a little less picky.
5. My disdain for America's Next Top Model. In the same way that alcohol kills brain cells, this show kills testicle tissue. We're only using, what, 10 percent of our brains? So apparently we have brains to spare. I've never met a man who felt he could live without his testicles.
1. My taste in moves. Specifically, Shawshank Redemption and A River Runs Through It. (To be fair, I don't get hers, either. C'est la vie)
2. My total lack of need to accessorize. If it's not useful, I don't want or need it.
3. My never-ending quest to watch baseball. I secretly think she believes I love it more than I love her. Were she to ask about this, my reply would be, "honey, I've known baseball since I was eight. I've known you since I was 24. You've still got 16 years worth of catching up to do."
4. My fairly unrefined palate. Look, I was in the military. I've subsisted for weeks on MREs. One becomes a little less picky.
5. My disdain for America's Next Top Model. In the same way that alcohol kills brain cells, this show kills testicle tissue. We're only using, what, 10 percent of our brains? So apparently we have brains to spare. I've never met a man who felt he could live without his testicles.
Buck
Well-Known Member
I've often felt I only use 10 percent of my testicles.
That I don't really care what color the rug/wall/chair is.
bigpern23
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An addendum: That walking from store to store with nothing specific in mind to purchase is pure torture. TORTURE. If you don't know what you are shopping for, then whatever you find is going to be pure junk that will only add to the clutter.
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