The Creation Science Fair

[WaylonJennings]

Someone sent me this link. It's old, but still pretty funny (and scary that it's real):

http://objectiveministries.org/creation/sciencefair.html

Elementary School Level

Cassidy Turnbull and her uncle, Steve, who is not a monkey according to Cassidy's research. 1st Place: "My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)"
Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey.

 

[WaylonJennings]

2nd Place: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"

Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.

 

[Big Circus]

Honorable mention, elementary school division: "Pokemon Prove Evolutionism Is False" - Paul Sanborn (grade 4)

I weep for the future.

 

[Gomer]

Wow. I thought Waylon's post was a joke until I clicked on that link.

 

[Big Circus]

That Pokemon one reminds me of a comparison that would most likely be anathema to most creationists: PCU. "You can major in Game Boy if you know how to bull****."

 

[Big Circus]

Someone sent me this link. It's old, but still pretty funny (and scary that it's real):

http://objectiveministries.org/creation/sciencefair.html

Elementary School Level

Cassidy Turnbull and her uncle, Steve, who is not a monkey according to Cassidy's research. 1st Place: "My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)"
Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey.

Here's the picture of her uncle Steve. You can, in fact, clearly see that he is no monkey. Creationism wins!

 

[beardpuller]

Please, someone, tell me this is an elaborate spoof.
Please?

 

[Diabeetus]

Sweet jeebus.

 

[Pulitzer Wannabe]

"... physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets ..."

;D

 

[Twoback]

Wow. I thought Waylon's post was a joke until I clicked on that link.

Ditto.
Egads.
But this fair was in 2001. I'm sure they've come quite far since then.

 

[Batman]

Someone sent me this link. It's old, but still pretty funny (and scary that it's real):

http://objectiveministries.org/creation/sciencefair.html

Elementary School Level

Cassidy Turnbull and her uncle, Steve, who is not a monkey according to Cassidy's research. 1st Place: "My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)"
Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey.

Here's the picture of her uncle Steve. You can, in fact, clearly see that he is no monkey. Creationism wins!

No, certainly not a monkey. He does, however, look like a jackass.

 

[Grimace]

You're all a bunch of bigoted anti-Christian, haters. I'll say a prayer tonight for all of you non-monkeys.

 

[Mystery_Meat]

I'll wager my weight in doughnuts that it's a satire site. They seem pretty obsessed with Landover Baptist (another satire site), as though they're in competition. I'd bet my life on it, but then I figured I'd put something of worth on the line.

 

[Batman]

A couple of these projects show the kids are on their way to enjoying a long, happy, well-adjusted life:

"Mousetrap Reduced To Pile Of Functionless Parts" - Kevin Parker (grade 7)
Mousetrap, meet hammer. Hammer, mousetrap.

"Thermodynamics Of Hell Fire" - Tom Williamson (grade 12)
"Son, why did you set fire to the cat?"
"Science fair, dad."

Patricia Lewis (grade 8) did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.
Hey Patricia, there's a reason your "experiment" didn't create life. Something miraculous DID happen. It's a ****ing miracle this ridiculously lazy idea was allowed. This isn't a science experiment, it's three things people have laying under their refrigerator. Try it there and you'll have a different outcome. Those things turn into mold and roaches, you dumb *****.

 

[93Devil]

God bless them.

Everyone can think what they want to think, and I hope when they get sick, they pray really hard for a cure at home and never set foot in a hospital.

Be open to other possibilities, like Uncle Steve being E.T., and if you do not believe what others believe, you sit quietly, learn about what they believe and understand it.

Learning about some thing is not believing in it.

 

[JR]

If it's a hoax, it's pretty elaborate. They even have "Dinosaur & Man" coffee mugs

 

[Philosopher]

This has to be fake. Check out this page:

http://objectiveministries.org/creation/pterosaurs.html

Moses's brazen pterosaur-scaring device? Come on.

 

[93Devil]

Wow

Those Civil War soldiers were great shots shooting that Thunderbird down.

That is a crazy site, but I am reading it, understanding it (?) but still not believing it.

 

[JR]

This has to be fake. Check out this page:

http://objectiveministries.org/creation/pterosaurs.html

Moses's brazen pterosaur-scaring device? Come on.

Awful lot work for a joke.

Here's the sad part. It's hard to tell these days between the fake and the real when it comes to this stuff.

 

[Buck]

2nd Place: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"

Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.

Sometimes a thing can be funny AND true.