Starting Over ...

[Big Buckin' agate_monkey]

My folks are going through this process too. Mom filed papers earlier this summer after 20-some years.

I'm not sure that I have any advice for you in terms of how to approach your daughter about it, but if you wanna share stories/talk, PM me.

 

[Diabeetus]

Everyone above me has said it perfectly. Just know we're here for ya.

 

[Lieslntx]

Thank you everyone for the kind words and advice. Right now I am just going to concentrate on literally putting on foot in front of the other and making it through another hour. And then another day.

The issue with the niece and nephew is their ages. She is 12 and he is 5. They live next door to us and seeing them with the frequency I do now really won't be an option once I move away. But you all are right in that I know I will still be able to see and visit with them, if in a different way.

As for the house situation, I am definitely renting. The only reason I'm looking to rent a house over an apartment is because if I got an apartment, I would also have to rent some type of office warehouse space. Renting a house will save me a lot of money in the long run. Besides, there is no bank out there that would loan me money to buy a house. I have almost no verifiable income in my name. As it is, my agent and I will have to do a little flashing of our baby-blues just to get me into a lease.

 

[jps]

lies, drop me a line if you wanna just vent. seriously. I'm a solid receiver.

(and I don't mean to pry at all ... but why the hell isn't he looking for a new house? seems to be the thing a man would do, even in that type of situation.)

 

[forever_town]

(and I don't mean to pry at all ... but why the hell isn't he looking for a new house? seems to be the thing a man would do, even in that type of situation.)

When my mother and father separated, it was she who moved out of the apartment first. My father moved a few months later if I remember correctly.

They had joint custody of me from when I was about 13 until just after I turned 16 and my mother moved out of state.

 

[Angola!]

Another thing to think about as far as living situations go: In Texas, everything is owned jointly. So, unless you signed a prenup, which I'm guessing you didn't considering how long you've been married, then he has to buy out your half of the house if he is going to keep it. So, find out how much the property is worth and he owes you half of the worth or has to sell the house and give you half of the money, that's what me and my ex-wife did.

Also, everything, cars included are half yours.

Getting a lawyer is the best advice. I didn't do that and I came out of my divorce with some credit card debt and no money and few possessions. She had a lawyer and I thought she'd be nice. In hindsight, that was dumb, because she got everything of value and I was left with a 1995 Chevy Lumina and the credit card debt.

 

[outofplace]

lies, drop me a line if you wanna just vent. seriously. I'm a solid receiver.

(and I don't mean to pry at all ... but why the hell isn't he looking for a new house? seems to be the thing a man would do, even in that type of situation.)

I was wondering about that as well. More accurately, I wondering if there is some legal division of assets and possibly alimony at this point. There should be. If she was only working on their business together and now he has cut her off, there should be some legal remedy.

I know it is distasteful and probably very painful, but Liesl I do hope you are fighting for your part of what you and your ex built together. He has no right, morally or in the law, to just cut you off.

Edit: Listen to Angola. On this topic, he knows what he's talking about.

(Sorry to hear how yours went, Angola. That sucks)

 

[westcoastvol]

When I went through it, I found that visualization helps.

Visualize yourself in a better place two weeks from now, a month from now, even six months from now and keep walking with your feet in that direction. Time creates space from heartbreak.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

Best of luck Liesl. Just take everything one day at a time.

 

[Colton]

Liesl, as a product of a split home myself, don't worry -- your daughter, niece and nephew will realize your love for them has not changed a bit.

Best of luck...

 

[SixToe]

A friend in Texas is going through a divorce.

Her slimy husband immediately signed over the kids, but then started taking things piecemeal he knew were hers from her family or something that had been given to the kids just to **** in the punch.

Sorry to hear about this, Liesl. Best of luck and God bless.

 

[Lugnuts]

Liesl, I'm about to get really mean with you.

Why are YOU moving out?

You are talking about rents and real estate agents when you should be talking to a lawyer.

If you supported your husband's business, you are entitled to have your husband pay your rent as well as spousal support BEFORE the divorce is final.

Now put that one foot in front of the other and walk to the phone.

Call the state bar association. Tell the person you need a recommendation for a divorce lawyer in your area. Make an appointment with that person.

You think you're in hell now?

You don't know the meaning of SCREWED if you don't get legal representation NOW.

DO IT.

 

[Big Buckin' agate_monkey]

Liesl, I'm about to get really mean with you.

Why are YOU moving out?

You are talking about rents and real estate agents when you should be talking to a lawyer.

If you supported your husband's business, you are entitled to have your husband pay your rent as well as spousal support BEFORE the divorce is final.

Now put that one foot in front of the other and walk to the phone.

Call the state bar association. Tell the person you need a recommendation for a divorce lawyer in your area. Make an appointment with that person.

You think you're in hell now?

You don't know the meaning of SCREWED if you don't get legal representation NOW.

DO IT.

Whoa. I'm not gettin' in Lugs way.

 

[21]

I got the impression there was excessive damage to Liesl's property during Ike, which may have something to do with the moving. Still, if there's insurance, that should help to relocate.

We probably don't have enough details to see the whole picture here.

 

[outofplace]

I got the impression there was excessive damage to Liesl's property during Ike, which may have something to do with the moving. Still, if there's insurance, that should help to relocate.

We probably don't have enough details to see the whole picture here.

Agreed, which is why I have toned down my comments/questions regarding legal representation and the division of marital assets.

But I think quite a few of us are concerned that she is doing everything she can to protect her own interests, which isn't always easy to do in such a difficult situation.

 

[Lugnuts]

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but this stuff makes me crazy. I come from a family of lawyers, and one does divorce. She has represented A LOT of women who put everything into their families and have "no marketable skills." So many of these women somehow think that they have to "start over with nothing" when actually, it is the breadwinner's legal responsibility to pay spousal support. These women often end up making bad decisions without legal counsel-- decisions that become very hard to undo. One of those decisions can in some cases be -- being the one to move out. You know the old "possession is nine tenths" deal? It's actually true.

Women tend to be very hard on themselves and carry a lot of guilt. But liesel has RIGHTS. So does the daughter.

I'm just trying to play bad cop to y'all's good cop and give her a bit of a kick in the pants.

What if the husband freezes the credit cards and the bank accounts and leaves her without any cash?

She'd be so much better off with a lawyer in her corner right now.

 

[Lieslntx]

Things are really complicated for us and not quite as clear cut as normal. First, the property property was willed to me which makes it an exception to the 50/50 laws in the state of Texas. However, since so many improvements have been done to the property by my husband, he is actually entitled to half. However, the value of the property pales in comparison to the value of the business. And yes, I am entitled to half of it.

We have a lot of financial things that need to be worked out over the next fews months before we can begin the transition of phasing out the work I currently do for the business. Currently, yes, I will be completely supported by him and he is not at all bulking that. Or continuing to support my daughter and keep her in school. The long term plan is for me to receive a monthly income from him over a period of probably three or four years. I have asked for that to cover me while I go back to school and for a time to help me get on my feet financially. So basically, he will be buying my half of things over that course of time.

As for the property and why I'm leaving it and not him. It's my choice, really. We have 6 acres that now have three houses plus the warehouse that houses both our businesses. The houses are occupied by his family and it's really just not a place I will feel comfortable staying. Also, I really have no desire at all to own or live on that much land. I'm perfectly fine leaving and getting my own place. Besides, it is in my best interest for his business to keep running very smoothly and continue to make money.

So, no, we do not yet have attorneys. We will eventually. I realize that anything could happen but I will still be involved in the running of the business for a time and have no doubts about being able to look out for myself.

On the personal side of things, I must admit that our marriage has not been that great or strong for quite a few years. As painful and difficult as this is going to be for both of us, it is the best thing. We are both going to come out of this, eventually, as happier people. Ever since the decision was made, we have been getting along great in the office. Kind of like normal people again.

 

[Dirk Legume]

You are waaaay stronger, then I think I would be in the same situation.

Amazing. You are amazing.

 

[OTD]

Liesl (or is it Lies . . . I'm not sure):

I'm so sorry to hear about this. You do have friends here, so vent whenever you feel like it. Also, keep in mind that this might not be as big a shock to your daughter as you think . . . kids often sense what's going on pretty early.

So, no, we do not yet have attorneys. We will eventually. I realize that anything could happen but I will still be involved in the running of the business for a time and have no doubts about being able to look out for myself.

I would urge you (as others have) to get a lawyer ASAP. I realize that you're getting along all right now, but the time could come when you're not. Also, you mentioned there are other members of his family right there. If one of them puts a bug in Hubby's ear, he might start playing around with business assets. Please make sure you're covered.

Good luck to you.

 

[Angola!]

So, no, we do not yet have attorneys. We will eventually. I realize that anything could happen but I will still be involved in the running of the business for a time and have no doubts about being able to look out for myself.

I would urge you (as others have) to get a lawyer ASAP. I realize that you're getting along all right now, but the time could come when you're not. Also, you mentioned there are other members of his family right there. If one of them puts a bug in Hubby's ear, he might start playing around with business assets. Please make sure you're covered.

Good luck to you.

I can not reiterate this point enough.

My ex-wife played nice for awhile, but then her family (who never really liked me, by the way I hope they burn in hell. wait, what?) started saying I was trying to screw her over. So, her and her lawyer went after me.

The only thing that helped - since I couldn't afford a lawyer - was my reading comprehension skills and my refusal to sign the first draft of papers. I faxed copies of the paper to multiple of my family members to have them looked over by many different eyes.

And I still got screwed.

Anyway, listen to OTD. Get a lawyer. By getting one, you are not necessarily going into attack mode or ratcheting the pressure, but you are just making sure everything is on the up and up for YOU. You are the most important thing in a divorce -- obviously, your daughter is as well, but you know what I am saying.

I just wouldn't count on your soon-to-be ex-husband being as trustworthy as he is right now. Right now, everyone is relieved. The elephant in the corner has been addressed, so it is easy to get along right now. That could all change real quick the next time you guys have a disagreement at work.

Anywhoo, I'm not trying to be mean, I just believe in good preparation after what I went through.

I hope you have a good weekend. Go Razorbacks! :)