RIP and Why Oh You

[slappy4428]

Bear with me for a second.
I've been guilty of this on this board on many occasions just as well. . But the Kennedy thread got me wondering... (and it just happens to be the example)
You know there's no member of the Kennedys reading this board, But everyone is offering the thoughts and prayers because of his brain tumor. And a lot of it seems, well, offhand lbecause of its what you're supposed to say. Not ripping the people who mean it, but it just seems sometimes what you're supposed to say.
Same goes to threads where someone dies and you post something that ends in "RIP".
Now, you probably dont know the family specifically and they aren't reading this thread.
So why do you say something like "good man. RIP" that says nothing about a personal memory of that person or someone in the family.
Isn't it rather perfunctory? I can understand offering it to someone in the family or a close friend. But the RIP or We'll miss him angle seems so, oh, forced and phony. If something bad happens to someone here, I can understand it. You might not know the person personally, but you share this place as the bond.
I'm guilty too, but wanted to see why others do it.

 

[Write-brained]

I thought it was a way to postpad, like 'Only in Detroit.'

 

[slappy4428]

I thought it was a way to postpad, like 'Only in North Charleston.'

Fixed...

But seriously, postpadding on a thread like RIP or tragedy is different... it's a solemn tone and sometimes, the solemnity comes across as mechanical instead of genuine.
Posting it, then coming up with a personal ancedote or memory is a little more honest...

 

[Write-brained]

I thought it was a way to postpad, like 'Only in North Charleston.'

Fixed...

But seriously, postpadding on a thread like RIP or tragedy is different... it's a solemn tone and sometimes, the solemnity comes across as mechanical instead of genuine.
Posting it, then coming up with a personal ancedote or memory is a little more honest...

I never understood it, either. Never done it. I just thought it was a way for people to appear sympathetic and nice ... while post-padding.

 

[slappy4428]

You said what I'm getting at... appear sympathetic. I do it too, but the Kennedy thread got me thinking a different way...
Of course we hope someone rests in peace (Jelenic not withstanding). But are your thoughts and prayers r-e-a-l-l-y with the Kennedys or any other celebrity's family?
Someone here is different. It's personal -- or first generation personal.

 

[Diabeetus]

I usually don't post on those threads cause I do, for the most part, feel insincere when I do. The only one I've posted on (that I can remember) where I never actually met the person was the Heath Ledger thread. As I shared there, I felt a special connection to him and his death was personally significant.

 

[Cadet]

I understand where you're coming from, but I don't see it as gratuitous or post-padding. I think it's 1) people reacting to the news of the day in the most appropriate way they know how (what are you going to say? "Wow, I bet Kennedy's got a big ol' ****in' tumor! TTIUWOP!") and 2) expressing what they would say if it was a personal situation for them. This is what you would say to an acquaintance or co-worker who revealed the same news about his or her family. With the nature of news coverage and the cult(ure) of celebrity in our world today, we almost do feel as if we know these people on a personal level, and I think this is an understandable reaction.

 

[ArnoldBabar]

I understand where you're coming from, but I don't see it as gratuitous or post-padding. I think it's 1) people reacting to the news of the day in the most appropriate way they know how (what are you going to say? "Wow, I bet Kennedy's got a big ol' ****in' tumor! TTIUWOP!") and 2) expressing what they would say if it was a personal situation for them. This is what you would say to an acquaintance or co-worker who revealed the same news about his or her family. With the nature of news coverage and the cult(ure) of celebrity in our world today, we almost do feel as if we know these people on a personal level, and I think this is an understandable reaction.

I agree. It's just a natural reaction to want to offer condolences. And the odd dynamic of fame leads us to have that reaction even for people we don't actually know.

 

[Smasher_Sloan]

Bear with me for a second.
I've been guilty of this on this board on many occasions just as well. . But the Kennedy thread got me wondering... (and it just happens to be the example)
You know there's no member of the Kennedys reading this board, But everyone is offering the thoughts and prayers because of his brain tumor.

I know for a fact that Caroline reads and loves SportsJournalists.com.

 

[KJIM]

I don't understand it, either, but then, I've never understood all the flowers left, for example, after Diana's death, leaving teddy bears in front of houses that have burned down with six children inside or trinkets at graves and memorials.

I sort of parallel them -- people want to show sympathy, but don't know how. I have no doubt the people leaving the well-wishes are sincere.

But to me, it makes more sense if you feel the need to do something, write a check and donate to something that might help prevent such deaths in the future.

But I'm a heartless *****, so what do I know?

 

[Football_Bat]

I knew I thought this thread looked familiar.

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/threads/55277/

(Sorry.)

 

[slappy4428]

I knew I thought this thread looked familiar.

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/threads/55277/

(Sorry.)

Maybe it exists, maybe it doesn't

 

[Captain_Kirk]

Bear with me for a second.
I've been guilty of this on this board on many occasions just as well. . But the Kennedy thread got me wondering... (and it just happens to be the example)
You know there's no member of the Kennedys reading this board, But everyone is offering the thoughts and prayers because of his brain tumor.

I know for a fact that Caroline reads and loves SportsJournalists.com.

What's her screen name?

 

[Baron Scicluna]

I don't understand it, either, but then, I've never understood all the flowers left, for example, after Diana's death, leaving teddy bears in front of houses that have burned down with six children inside or trinkets at graves and memorials.

I sort of parallel them -- people want to show sympathy, but don't know how. I have no doubt the people leaving the well-wishes are sincere.

But to me, it makes more sense if you feel the need to do something, write a check and donate to something that might help prevent such deaths in the future.

But I'm a heartless *****, so what do I know?

Sometimes, people can't always afford to write a big check to help. They feel that doing a small gesture, such as giving a teddy bear, or posting their condolences on a web site, is at least something they can do.

 

[Chef]

Bear with me for a second.
I've been guilty of this on this board on many occasions just as well. . But the Kennedy thread got me wondering... (and it just happens to be the example)
You know there's no member of the Kennedys reading this board, But everyone is offering the thoughts and prayers because of his brain tumor.

I know for a fact that Caroline reads and loves SportsJournalists.com.

What's her screen name?

Uh-oh.

This could get funny.

 

[alleyallen]

I know I try to offer condolences because when you're on the receiving end of them, knowing that people are acknowledging your loss sometimes helps. And if even one person offers something touching, or even appropriately humorous, as a result, then so much the better. And I try to return the acknowledgement that others have shared with me.

There's a saying that "shared pain is reduced, shared joy is increased." Even if an RIP is all you have to offer, you may be taking away a tiny bit of sadness associated with that death.

 

[Steak Snabler]

Don't forget "thoughts and prayers."

 

[funky_mountain]

it's acknowledgement we all share the joys and pain of living and dying. we didn't ask to be brought into the world, and we don't always leave on our terms either. i don't see it as forced or phony (not directed at you slappy) to wish the deceased eternal peace. i also understand this can be a jaded group.

 

[slappy4428]

it's acknowledgement we all share the joys and pain of living and dying. we didn't ask to be brought into the world, and we don't always leave on our terms either. i don't see it as forced or phony (not directed at you slappy) to wish the deceased eternal peace. i also understand this can be a jaded group.

I didn't take it that way. But it seems forced and phony to write our "thoughts and prayers" are with a distant someone we have no connection to.
As I said, if it's someone you know and has affected you, and I offer my thoughts, that's one one thing.There's a personal connection because I know you.
But I've never met Ted Kennedy. Has he done a lot for the country? Of course. But for me to write my thoughts and prayers are with him and his family in a place that will never see me offer my thoughts and prayers seems.. I dunno, forced and contrived. It seems like it's out there, not for hios family, but so everyone else in our little group can see me do it.
I'm not being bitter and jaded about this. It's something that just hit me in the last two days -- existential condolences.
If one of the Kennedy kids posted here, yeah, we'd be all over it. They would be a member of our extended, dysfunctional family (like they need another one).
if you don't know the person and have no personal connection to him , who cares if your thoughts and prayers are with them or you wish them to RIP...
The more I post on this, the more I find the habit odd and self-serving.

Again, it's only started bothering me the last few days and I'm not trying to be a ****. Am just trying to understand why people -- including myself -- do it/have done it.

I agreee with Alley, you offer because you want to let people directly involved know you care. But if those people will never see it, it comes across as forced and phony.

 

[beardpuller]

I don't want to "out" her, but I thought everyone here knew Caroline Kennedy was Yawn ...