Old Cemetery, Watch Your Step

[Shoeless Joe]

I was doing some work in a Civil War era cemetery on Sunday trying to locate a couple graves. It was pretty much in disrepair, stones overturned, the ones that were there were so weather worn you had to get right up on them in order to read them, etc.

When I'm any any cemetery, I am always ultra cautious on where I walk. I go to any lengths not to step squarely on a grave, tip-toeing in between. In the old cemetery Sunday, that was virtually impossible because so many of the graves were no longer clearly marked. Some places you could tell because there were depressions in the ground, but others I knew I was walking across the graves but couldn't help it.

Is it just me, or is anyone else weirded out by walking across graves? I don't like it.

 

[Pilot]

I was doing some work in a Civil War era cemetery on Sunday trying to locate a couple graves. It was pretty much in disrepair, stones overturned, the ones that were there were so weather worn you had to get right up on them in order to read them, etc.

When I'm any any cemetery, I am always ultra cautious on where I walk. I go to any lengths not to step squarely on a grave, tip-toeing in between. In the old cemetery Sunday, that was virtually impossible because so many of the graves were no longer clearly marked. Some places you could tell because there were depressions in the ground, but others I knew I was walking across the graves but couldn't help it.

Is it just me, or is anyone else weirded out by walking across graves? I don't like it.

I'm the same way. I tiptoe around edges.

I find really old cemeteries fascinating, though they do creep me out a bit.

 

[LevinTBlack]

I just don't go to cemeteries. Don't see the need in reminding my self where I will end up. The whole avoidance, don't want to think about it thing. Since I became an adult I have been in a cemetery once which was when my grandmother died.

 

[Brad Guire]

I've been to some cemeteries lately, doing some family tree research. It never occurred to me about stepping on people to check out the headstone for a birthdate or snap a picture for the book.

With some old, weathered headstones, there's no way around getting on the ground to check out the carving to get the information.

 

[Shoeless Joe]

I guess it's whether or not you are into history. I like going to old cemeteries and looking at the dates, wondering what those people's daily lives must have been like. It's especially meaningful if the person is your ancestor. What I was doing Sunday was seeing to the upkeep of graves of Confederate soldiers, one of whom was my great-great-great grandfather.

Through research, I have recently found the location of the grave of my 6x-great grandfather who died in 1806. Yeah, when you're looking at it all you see is a stone with a name and a couple of dates on it, and you know good and well there is absolutely nothing left there except some black dirt and maybe any metal that was buried with the person, but to me the connection is pretty cool that in a way your family DNA is separated by a few inches of soil and a few hundred years.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

I'm the same way at cemeteries. I feel a little strange stepping on them, but sometimes it can't be helped.

I also like looking at the dates, and especially wonder when I see a small gravestone with a child in it. How sad that spot must have been 100 years ago.

 

[Shoeless Joe]

You're right. It's a miracle and total luck that any one of us is here today considering the mortality rate. If you look at some of those stones, the number of children that lived only a matter of days up until two or three is spooky. If it was that bad 150 years ago, think about how bad it must have been 1500 years ago and beyond.

Then, consider the vastness of someone's family tree once you get back even four or five generations. One misstep anywhere along the way and you aren't here today.

It's also strange to note the ages when even the adults died. For example, my great-great-great grandparents: grandmother died in mid 30s and by that time she'd already had seven kids, two of which died before they were three; grandfather made it through the Civil War without a scratch only die of natural causes at the ripe old age of 41.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

I'd read somewhere that the average life expectancy in the mid-to-late 1800s bounced around between 45 and 47. That just blows my mind when you think about today. By 40, you were over the hill.

And if you look up a lot of 19th century ballplayers on baseballreference.com, you see them dying a few years after their careers end. Pretty jarring.

 

[EagleMorph]

I worked as a landscaper at a cemetery for three years. You get over the feeling of stepping on someone's grave when you have to 1) Run a weedwhacker around the headstones or 2) Run a lawnmower over it to cut the grass.

 

[SoCalDude]

I rarely visit my mom because there are side-by-side stones for her and my dad, who is still alive. Weird seeing a stone for him with his birth year and a blank next to it.
But I do remember one occasion taking my daughter to the cemetery. My mom died two years before my daughter was born. We walked around awhile and I saw stones for 3-4 people I knew, who I didn't know had died. That was really freaky.
I saw a stone for a guy I was in school with. When I saw his sister at a reunion a couple of years later, I mentioned this. She said her parents are telling people he died from pneumonia. But she told me he really died from AIDS he got while in prison.
It is thought provoking to do quick mental calculations on how old people were when they died and some of the old upright stones.
I talked with a woman who was visiting her parents nearby where my mom's site is. Interesting, she said her parents were from Canada and when they came to the cemetery to pick their site, they found a single maple tree. So they picked their site under the maple tree.

 

[micropolitan guy]

I have a friend who lived near Forest Lawn Cemetary in Buffalo, He took me running through it a couple times (it's huge), and it was a fantastic place. Of course, I didn't know anyone there, so that part didn't creep me out, and we stayed on the roads.

I've been to Arlington, to Hoillywood Cemetary in Richmond, to the national cemetaries at Gettysburg and Little Big Horn, to my hometown cemetary and the Portville, N.Y. cemetary where my grandparents and uncles/aunts are buried ... they're all pretty interesting, fascinating, peaceful places.

 

[holy bull]

The road race we sponsor winds right through a very old, historic cemetery. It's a good thing there were no freshly dug plots last year, because I was so out of shape I would've been tempted to jump right in.

 

[Shoeless Joe]

I have a friend who lived near Forest Lawn Cemetary in Buffalo, He took me running through it a couple times (it's huge), and it was a fantastic place. Of course, I didn't know anyone there, so that part didn't creep me out, and we stayed on the roads.

I've been to Arlington, to Hoillywood Cemetary in Richmond, to the national cemetaries at Gettysburg and Little Big Horn, to my hometown cemetary and the Portville, N.Y. cemetary where my grandparents and uncles/aunts are buried ... they're all pretty interesting, fascinating, peaceful places.

Any time you visit a battlefield cemetary, it's a powerful thing. I walk through and say out loud as many names and where they were from as I can. It's my own way to honor those who fell.

 

[dreunc1542]

I'd read somewhere that the average life expectancy in the mid-to-late 1800s bounced around between 45 and 47. That just blows my mind when you think about today. By 40, you were over the hill.

One thing to remember with life expectancies from the 1800s and earlier is that the main reason they're so low is that infant/young child mortality rates were so much higher then and it skews things. Once people got past that stage, their lives, on average, weren't all that much shorter than they are now.

 

[Captain_Kirk]

Was at Gettysburg a couple years back and ran across a headstone of a navy man who died on December 7, 1941.

 

[imjustagirl]

I went to Oakland Cemetery today. My salon is right across the street. It's so peaceful and beautiful and amazing.

http://www.oaklandcemetery.com/

I stay on the walkways mostly, but some of the confederate graves face away from the walkways, so I try to tiptoe between and walk right behind the back of the next row to allow room for the actual graves.

 

[KYSportsWriter]

I live right next door to an old pauper's cemetery. Some of the graves date back to the 1800s. The oldest grave I remember seeing -- before all the markers were either destroyed by a pretty bad storm we had a few years ago, or were just weather-worn -- was one of a guy who was born in 1803 or 1804. He died in 1864, and his wife is buried right next to him.

There used to be white crosses on every grave, but only a few are left after that storm. I've always wanted to take the ones that are still legible and make new ones, but never had a chance. One grave is surrounded by a small cement brick wall -- a military veteran, I'm sure, because his funeral had a 21-gun salute and his granddaughter (or whomever she was) was given an American flag. I watched that funeral from our back porch when I was 6 or 7.

I occasionally talk to the lady when she comes to visit the graveyard -- which isn't very often. Last time I saw her was, IIRC, before the Fourth in 2004 or 2005. She brought a new American flag to put near the grave and a wreath to put on the headstone.

All the graves were sunk in, and I'm pretty sure I remember seeing the top of one of the coffins in one of them. My step-dad and I filled in all the graves a few years ago so they're not as bad. And the guy that was supposed to take care of the place quit because he turned into a gigantic asshole after my step-dad politely asked him not to drive his van through our yard. He could drive his mower up our hill, just not his van.

To make a long story short, guy got pissed and went to the police. They said we were in the right since he drove on our property (which is directly to the front and side of the graveyard) without permission. So, we started taking care of it and have been for about seven or eight years now.

I used to get really creeped out about that graveyard, especially around Halloween, when I was younger. But it was also pretty neat to read some of the inscriptions on the crosses and learn something about the people who were in those graves.

I visit my grandpa's grave every now and then. When he was buried, his was the only grave in that area. Now, though, he's surrounded by five or six others, and they're all pretty close to each other. Used to I'd walk right up to his headstone, but I can't stand to do that now because of the other graves around his. I hate stepping on someone's grave -- especially someone I know -- when I go there.

 

[Shoeless Joe]

I guess the whole intentionally stepping directly on the gave thing - at least for me - is a two-pronged deal of respect and ingrained superstition. If you are doing maintenance or paying respects it's OK, but to just go randomly trodding across someone is bad ju-ju!

We have a national cemetery in town, my mom helped spearhead a deal a few years ago to get Wreaths Across America to come each Christmas to put wreaths on all the graves. That's pretty cool.