Hug your loved ones

[KYSportsWriter]

Last night, my father was in a bad motorcycle wreck. He was on his way home from visiting one of my uncles, when a deer darted out into the road. He couldn't avoid the deer, which I've been told was a pretty decent sized doe.

He was airlifted to one of the hospitals in Louisville, and I feared the worst as I called one of my sisters and said "Don't freak out, but ..."

That was the longest car ride I think I've ever had, even though it took us about 35 minutes to get there. They initially were worried about spinal issues, and he had back surgery about 15 years ago to correct some issues. His back has bothered him ever since that surgery, but he's always been too stubborn to get it looked at because he didn't think his insurance would cover it.

They had him in the ER for a few hours while they checked him over and did a few scans. Around 11, they told us they didn't see anything wrong with his back -- other than it hurt like a son of a *****, of course -- and that was a big relief. He did, however, have three to four broken ribs and a collapsed lung. He was finally taken to a room around midnight, and they started him on morphine shortly thereafter.

They've monitored him throughout the day and his heart rate is getting back to where they'd like it, but his oxygen levels are still in flux. They're worried about pneumonia setting in, but if that doesn't happen and his oxygen levels get better, they've said he can come home tomorrow or Wednesday.

Sitting at work almost 24 hours later, it amazes me how lucky and blessed he is. He was wearing his helmet, which he always does, and wasn't speeding on his bike. Turns out a few of my friends saw the wreck and were there to help him as they waited for EMTs to arrive. I'm thankful for those folks, and I'm thankful my dad is going to be OK.

Hug your loved ones, folks. I know I'm glad I still have that opportunity with my dad.

 

[Dyno]

Glad to hear your dad is recovering.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

Hoping for the best for your dad. Keep us updated.

 

[KYSportsWriter]

Sorry to hear that, DW.

I knew my dad was going to be OK when he started laughing about everything, from the way the deer was "dancing" on the side of the road to if the deer meat was salvaged to making Bambi jokes. He always has been like that, able to lighten the mood even if it's him who's laid up in a hospital bed with a neck brace on and cuts, scrapes and bruises all over.

 

[Buck]

Two years ago, my father was in reasonably good health for a guy in his mid-80s.
In 48 hours, he went from fine to not feeling well to pneumonia to dead.
Two-year anniversary of his death coming up in a couple weeks.
He wasn't much of a hugger, but I would've liked to have seen him once more.

Glad your father will be OK. Enjoy him.

 

[da man]

I just called my parents after reading this thread. Thanks.

 

[outofplace]

It is amazing how quickly things can turn. My mother had battled health issues for years, primarily in her legs. It is complicated to explain, but basically she did not heal properly. She was about 67 when she started having to use a walker to get around. By the end, she barely left her apartment and she was constantly fighting off infections.

That said, none of it was ever considered life threatening. Worst case scenario, they might have to amputate part of one leg, which would mean putting her in a nursing home. Then one of the infections got out of control. She collapsed and probably only made it to the hospital because someone was there. She seemed to get better, but suddenly she was non responsive the morning of her third day in intensive care. Within a week after her collapse, she was gone.

My father, on the other hand, died about six months after a terminal cancer diagnosis, pretty much as the doctor predicted. That was nearly 17 years ago and my mother's death was in June, so hers is certainly more raw for me, but I can tell you that sudden or drawn out, it is all awful. It just isn't something you can truly prepare for.

KY, I'm glad your father is recovering and I'm glad you shared the story here. We could all use a reminder about appreciating the people we care about most, spending time with them or connecting with them any way we can. I've been reconnecting with old friends and talking more often with family since my mother passed. I should have done this a long time ago.

 

[ChrisLong]

One of the post poignant comments I can remember. My dad reached 96 and two months later, my brother and I took him to Vegas, our annual ritual. The night before, I went to his house. He had been ordered by the doctor to use his walker at all times, the cane wasn't sufficient. He had fallen a couple of times and had to have help to get up. When I was at his house, he got up to go to the bathroom and used the wall for support the whole way. I got into him and told him he had to use the walker. He said he usually does. I called bull**** and said, "Dad, do you know what will happen if you fall down again?" I was expecting him to say that he would probably hurt himself. He said, "Yeah, I go to the hospital and never come out." I was stunned to hear him say that. We got to Vegas and back. Two weeks later, I got the call that he had fallen and was taken to the ER. Broken sacrum. Five days later, he died in the hospital.

 

[I Should Coco]

KY, thank you for sharing your dad's story, and I'm glad he seems to be on the mend.

 

[KYSportsWriter]

Trying get this back on topic, and I'm gonna tell a story a lot of folks here don't know. If we're friends on Facebook, you've probably read my posts about my dad over the last few months.

We had what I would classify as a bumpy relationship when I was a kid, and it was largely because of my mother's inability to let go of the hatred and disdain she felt for him after they divorced when I was 3. I saw my dad every weekend, per the custody arrangement my parents agreed to, and that lasted until I was 8.

My dad dropped me off at my grandparents one Sunday afternoon and said "I'll see you next week." He told me he loved me and drove off. "Next week" turned into 10 years before I saw him again. He had sent me a letter when I was in sixth or seventh grade and I spoke to him on the phone once after telling my teacher about him. We spoke for 10 minutes, during class, and that would be the last I'd hear from him for a few more years.

When I was 16 or 17, my sister and step-sister each wrote me a letter and mailed it to me. My mom opened the letters before I got home and read them, thinking they were from my dad. A big fight ensued and I wound up leaving the house and going to my church and staying with my pastor for a few hours. This was before cell phones, so my mom had no way to know where I was. She eventually called the church and talked to our pastor, and I had him tell her I was fine but that I didn't want to talk to her right then. I left the church around 10 that night after my pastor and I talked for several hours and just hung out together. He got my mind off things, and then encouraged me to go home and talk with my mom.

That was the last I heard from any of them until I was 20, when I decided to look my sister up on MySpace one night when I lived in Lexington. I got a cell phone number that she told me was our dad's, but she told me she'd grab the phone each time she saw my number pop up. We talked for at least 3 hours each night for a week or so. One night after work, I called ... and he answered. "Hello, Joshua" was the first thing he said. I froze. Didn't know what to say, couldn't find the words. What the hell could I say to the man who more or less abandoned me? I felt so much anger that first night, but I didn't say much to him.

I asked how he knew my sister and I had been talking, and he said she told him about it -- and then told him I'd be calling around 8 that night, which was our ritual then. She was still in high school at the time, but we stayed on the phone until 11 or later each night just catching up. I asked about dad a time or two, but my sister knew it would be a touchy subject.

That first night talking to him, I heard his side of things -- how he let his hatred for my mom create the chasm between the two of us, how he regretted everything that happened, and how sorry he was. I still said nothing. He asked if I was still there a few times, and all I said was "Mhmm," and he kept talking. He mentioned the times people from my church saw him out and about in public with my sisters and his wife, and I told him I had heard all the stories. One of my pastors saw him at a weekend retreat in my neck of the woods and told me it took everything he had to not walk up to him and wring his neck.

Eventually, I said something to my dad that night -- something I'll never forget: "I hated you for so long." His response: "I know." We wound up talking till well after 1 a.m. that night, and he had to be up for work by 5. I still didn't say much, just let him do most of the talking because I still didn't exactly know what to say or how to say it.

The next night, something changed. I called him and I could tell he had been crying. My sister told me he stayed up after we got off the phone and was in the living room of his house praying that I would be able to forgive him someday for everything that happened.

When I heard that, all the feelings I had felt the night before washed away. My dad was seeing the error of his ways, and i would have been overjoyed at that fact if this would have been 5 years earlier. I really did hate the man, and wanted nothing to do with him. But like I said, something changed. I had to forgive him -- that's what I've always been taught by my grandparents. Forgiving him certainly wasn't easy, but it had to be done. And at that point, I realized just how much my mom went out of her way to keep me from my dad. So I didn't tell her about reconnecting with my dad and sister. It took a few years for me to get to that point, just because I was afraid of and knew exactly how she would react.

Now, 11 years later, our relationship is stronger than it's ever been. We don't talk every night, and I don't get to see my sisters and niece and nephews as much as I'd like, but our bond will not be broken. And after Sunday night, I'm thankful I still have my dad here.

 

[Mr. Sunshine]

Good post and good luck, KY.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

Trying get this back on topic, and I'm gonna tell a story a lot of folks here don't know. If we're friends on Facebook, you've probably read my posts about my dad over the last few months.

We had what I would classify as a bumpy relationship when I was a kid, and it was largely because of my mother's inability to let go of the hatred and disdain she felt for him after they divorced when I was 3. I saw my dad every weekend, per the custody arrangement my parents agreed to, and that lasted until I was 8.

My dad dropped me off at my grandparents one Sunday afternoon and said "I'll see you next week." He told me he loved me and drove off. "Next week" turned into 10 years before I saw him again. He had sent me a letter when I was in sixth or seventh grade and I spoke to him on the phone once after telling my teacher about him. We spoke for 10 minutes, during class, and that would be the last I'd hear from him for a few more years.

When I was 16 or 17, my sister and step-sister each wrote me a letter and mailed it to me. My mom opened the letters before I got home and read them, thinking they were from my dad. A big fight ensued and I wound up leaving the house and going to my church and staying with my pastor for a few hours. This was before cell phones, so my mom had no way to know where I was. She eventually called the church and talked to our pastor, and I had him tell her I was fine but that I didn't want to talk to her right then. I left the church around 10 that night after my pastor and I talked for several hours and just hung out together. He got my mind off things, and then encouraged me to go home and talk with my mom.

That was the last I heard from any of them until I was 20, when I decided to look my sister up on MySpace one night when I lived in Lexington. I got a cell phone number that she told me was our dad's, but she told me she'd grab the phone each time she saw my number pop up. We talked for at least 3 hours each night for a week or so. One night after work, I called ... and he answered. "Hello, Joshua" was the first thing he said. I froze. Didn't know what to say, couldn't find the words. What the hell could I say to the man who more or less abandoned me? I felt so much anger that first night, but I didn't say much to him.

I asked how he knew my sister and I had been talking, and he said she told him about it -- and then told him I'd be calling around 8 that night, which was our ritual then. She was still in high school at the time, but we stayed on the phone until 11 or later each night just catching up. I asked about dad a time or two, but my sister knew it would be a touchy subject.

That first night talking to him, I heard his side of things -- how he let his hatred for my mom create the chasm between the two of us, how he regretted everything that happened, and how sorry he was. I still said nothing. He asked if I was still there a few times, and all I said was "Mhmm," and he kept talking. He mentioned the times people from my church saw him out and about in public with my sisters and his wife, and I told him I had heard all the stories. One of my pastors saw him at a weekend retreat in my neck of the woods and told me it took everything he had to not walk up to him and wring his neck.

Eventually, I said something to my dad that night -- something I'll never forget: "I hated you for so long." His response: "I know." We wound up talking till well after 1 a.m. that night, and he had to be up for work by 5. I still didn't say much, just let him do most of the talking because I still didn't exactly know what to say or how to say it.

The next night, something changed. I called him and I could tell he had been crying. My sister told me he stayed up after we got off the phone and was in the living room of his house praying that I would be able to forgive him someday for everything that happened.

When I heard that, all the feelings I had felt the night before washed away. My dad was seeing the error of his ways, and i would have been overjoyed at that fact if this would have been 5 years earlier. I really did hate the man, and wanted nothing to do with him. But like I said, something changed. I had to forgive him -- that's what I've always been taught by my grandparents. Forgiving him certainly wasn't easy, but it had to be done. And at that point, I realized just how much my mom went out of her way to keep me from my dad. So I didn't tell her about reconnecting with my dad and sister. It took a few years for me to get to that point, just because I was afraid of and knew exactly how she would react.

Now, 11 years later, our relationship is stronger than it's ever been. We don't talk every night, and I don't get to see my sisters and niece and nephews as much as I'd like, but our bond will not be broken. And after Sunday night, I'm thankful I still have my dad here.

Thank you for sharing. Hope you have many more years with your dad.

 

[KYSportsWriter]

He is on his way home as I type this.

His oxygen levels are exactly where his doctors and nurses wanted them, and they were able to get him up and walk around the nurse's station earlier this morning.

One thing the nurses told my sister is that he needs to start taking better care of his blood sugar. They said his sugar has been over 200 for the last three months, which to me is just mind boggling. Gotta get that in check.

Thanks for all the well-wishes and comments.

 

[qtlaw]

Glad to hear about your dad; hope you guys continue to share happy memories going forward.

 

[WriteThinking]

Those were awesome posts, KY. Thanks for sharing them.

Your relationship will probably be stronger, and more appreciated, than ever now.