Dad pulls gun on 7-year old's FB coach!

[mike311gd]

And shut up. Yes, they should do more than just "up."

 

[slappy4428]

Parents suck; and that nutjob judge swallows... a committee to pick the team that doesn't include the coach? Jeebus H Keerist on a stick...
The eunuchs on the school board need to back their employees...

 

[Gehrig38]

I guess this dad did not get a chance to read Joe Ehrman's book yet.

 

[Bob Slydell]

There are lunat

My best guess Modaho is Yahoo does very little editing.

And I agree, get your kids into track and/or swimming... inidividual sports, more fun, less pressure, fewer lunatic parents

Trust me...there are lunatic parents in swimming.

So, is there a caucus to see who gets subbed in and when?

There are lunatic parents in every sport. Seen it all, heard it all. Heard parents cursing at opposing players at a baseball game numerous times. When I was in high school, we had some opposing parents call our cheerleaders sluts. Now, I'm not sure how that news spread across the state so fast, but that was pretty uncalled for. Had parents curse at us as we walked off the field. And I've seen way worse since I've covered sports.

Friday Night Lights (the book) is pretty accurate about how psycho some people are about high school sports. The show isn't too far off, either.

 

[Idaho]

Hi, coffeedude!

 

[Captain_Kirk]

Leave the coach. Take the canoli.

 

[Bob Cook]

OK, the dad was wrong. Wronger than wrong. But as a parent, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHERE HE'S COMING FROM.

I would bet the coach he confronted was some budding Belichick who parceled out playing time only to those who immediately appeared to be the next Tom Brady. At the six- and seven-year-old level, as a parent you expect that playing time will be parceled out fairly equally because the object -- which leagues TELL YOU -- is development, not winning. (As I've mentioned before, the reason these leagues often do no-score is not to hurt the kids' feelings, but to make clear to coaches and parents that the object is for kids to learn the game in a competitive setting.) When I coached basketball at that age group, I worried about two things -- teaching the game, and keeping track of playing time. It was a no-score league, and I wouldn't have cared about the score anyway.

And I'm not ashamed to say that a few times, I have confronted coaches about playing time. However, I didn't bring a gun. In each case, I asked the coach if there was some problem with my child. I made sure not to sound accusatory or insane, although as a parent that's each to do. I made sure to put the onus on my child in case there was really something they did to earn a spot on the bench. (For example, I did bench one of my basketball players for a short stretch because he refused to pass the ball. But that was maybe one time out of his rotation in a whole season. I also explained why I did it to his father before he could confront me, but it turned out he completely understood why I did what I did.)

In one case, the coach apologized profusely and said that because he didn't have an assistant that day, he had trouble keeping track of playing time, and he apologized. (Hey, that happens.) In another case, I didn't buy the explanation the coach gave (I won't go into details), but I said thank you and seethed. I also told my child that he got screwed, but that another lesson here is that if you want to make sure to get your time, you also have to work to guarantee your coach can't forget about you.

Anyway, back to the guy with the gun -- we don't know anything about the coach, the dad, the team situation, etc. But I will say most parents I know at the 10-and-under level are willing to cut a lot of slack to coaches, and only start getting upset when it's clear the coach is violating the spirit of the league when it comes to playing time. After all, you understand when it's upfront that playing time is parceled out based on perceived ability. You don't understand when you're told over and over that it's a developmental league and everyone gets to play. Especially when you realize you've spent a lot of money in league fees to sit in cold weather to watch your kid watch a game.

 

[poindexter]

LOL, good one Bob Cook.

 

[zeke12]

Bob --

Just let the kid play. If he comes to you about playing time, then maybe you can get into it. But this sentence:

Especially when you realize you've spent a lot of money in league fees to sit in cold weather to watch your kid watch a game.

...Sounds like you're talking about you and not your kid. Some kids just want to be on the team. I've had pee wee kids beg out of games. Hell, I've had JV kids -- where we play everyone as equally as possible provided they attend practice and put forth a modicum of effort -- beg out of games.

I've gotten chewed out by the dad of a player who was among my best early in the season for not playing his kid as much as the other kids. I calmly explained that while JV was a developmental league, I tried to give the kids a good chance to win, and since the game in question was against one of our weaker opponents, I tried to play the bottom of the roster more JUST IN CASE I had to shorten my bench a bit in special teams situations against a tougher team. I ended up not having to, but I also got the fringe benefit of not running up the score on a hapless team.

Also once got chewed out by a dad who demanded to know why his kid wasn't playing. It was, quite simply, because he wasn't coming to practice while calling and telling us he was sick. His dad no idea. That guy ended up pretty embarassed.

From your example, it sounds like in the two cases you had one good coach and one not so good coach. Sounds about par for the course, in my experience. The best thing you can do is remember that youth sports are bigger than any one kid, including your son, and try to help out the good coaches as much as possible.

But please don't condone disrespecting any coach to your son. A heartwarming tale our coaching director -- who also happens to be the local college football coach -- always tells at our preseason meetings.

The football coach knows little about hockey, but was distressed to see his squirt son seemingly out of position while playing defense (in our town, all kids play all positions at that level). After some cajoling, the little guy turned to dad, a division I head guy, and said, "Dad, that's where my coach told me to play, and that's where I'm going to play!"

He was very proud of the little guy. And he, by the way, volunteers to take all the calls from parents complaining about coaches during the year. Since he took the job, those complaints have dropped tenfold.

 

[Bob Cook]

Zeke:

I could tell in each case my kids were fidgeting on the sideline and getting long faces wondering why they weren't getting in the game. And afterward, they said were pretty upset. So I wasn't doing this for no reason, like I was ****-your-pants cold on the sideline. Also, I must not live where you live, because I've NEVER seen a kid beg out of a game. Only beg in. Profusely.

My point was, I don't think there's anything wrong with a parent reasonably asking a coach if there's a problem. It's very easy as a parent to jump in half-cocked and be all demanding. As I mentioned, I tried to be civil and ask the coach if there was a problem with my kid, to make sure I knew everything there was to know before I called the coach a jackass. (Which I haven't!) I would never argue strategy with a coach -- at my kids' age, it's all about playing and development.

And I guess I don't have a problem "condoning disrespect" on a coach, as you put it. (I believe I learned that from my father, who pulled my brother and I off our Little League team because the coach was a son-favoring moron who hated girls on his team. Fairly progressive thinking for a rock-ribbed Republican in the early 1980s). But I didn't tell my son the coach was an idiot (as my dad was not shy about saying in colorful terms). I acknowledged my son's hurt feelings, and said the coach tried his best but that he makes mistakes, too. That's where I added the part about making sure you impress your coaches so they have no excuse to forget about you.

* footnote to baseball story. My brother and I were on another team in the same league a year later, one with a nice-guy coach who kept things loose. We won the league title. Idiot, son-favoring, girl-hating coach finished last.

 

[outofplace]

Spnited,

I know the headline is accurate and maybe it was initially written for a non-American reader, but the folks at Yahoo should be able to rewrite the head for their audience which is primarily U.S. I was just using my copyediting hat for the moment, not trying to infer any anti-American sentiments with Reuters.

Seriously, though. As much as I love sports and it's what I do for a job, I read these kinds of stories and want to never sign my kids up for team sports. I'm inclined to get them involved in stuff like swimming, track, cycling or similar things but leave baseball, basketball, soccer and football off the list. Too many nutjob parents out there and I'd probably be one of them.

Sadly, I've seen as many nutjob parents in the individual sports as in the team ones. There's no team to worry about in swimming, tennis, skating, etc, so the kid becomes the sole focus of attention for the parents. You end up with crazed parents and unbelievably spoiled kids, in a lot of cases. I guess the moral of the story is if a mom or dad is a nutcase, they'll be a nutcase no matter what the sport.

I have to agree. Some of the worst nutjob parents are in the individual sports. It gets especially crazy with sports like diving and gymnastics where the kids have to make an impression when they are very young to have a chance at big-time success.

Sorry, most 12-year olds aren't headed to the Olympics just becuase they won a few trophies. And very few of them are actually ready for the pressure that comes with that word.

I think there is more pressure on the kids regardless of how their parents act. It is all on them. No teammates to lean on or pick up the slack when they have a bad day.

I've done stories on athletes burning out at a very young age, and most of them competed in individual sports.

Nutjob parents are everywhere, unfortunately, and if I ever turn into one, I hope my wife has the sense to tell me to shut the hell up.

 

[swenk]

Speaking strictly as a parent with kids in all sorts of youth sports, it seems most parents get it--our kids aren't getting scholarships or adidas deals. Unfortunately, the few parents who DON'T get it (yes, we see you out there videotaping every at-bat, and we're all a little sick of hearing about how you are in the car from 3-11 every day driving your kid from football to hockey to early baseball workouts, and the teacher just does not understand why your kid needs an extra day to turn in the homework).

A colleague sent this to me recently, a Letter to the Ed in his local paper--clearly a coach responding to a parent who complained to the paper about 'unfair' coaching techniques. There's no link, I'm not even sure where it ran, but thought it was apropos for this thread:

As a parent whose kids are very active in youth sports, and as a volunteer who has been privileged to coach youth football, baseball, hockey, basketball, and soccer, I am responding to last week's column.

While anyone would agree that the ultimate goal is building good self-esteem and character in kids, there are several issues I wish to address.

It's the responsibility of every youth coach, parent, and player to understand the landscape of the community and the participants. At the entry recreation level, ages 6/7/8, coaches need to teach the game at a very basic level with the idea toward fostering a love of game. But as kids progress throughout the years, as their skill and knowledge develops, so must their level of understanding about the reality of team sports. At the highly competitive travel level, coaches have to balance that love for the game with giving children a realistic athletic experience geared towards both development and winning. There is a big difference between coaching sports on a travel level vs a recreational level. It is important that we as parents understand what we are signing our kids up for. Travel level sports have a much greater degree of expectation when it comes to the commitment level of participants. Giving this greater commitment comes a great emphasis on winning -- and rightfully so. These young athletes just put in too much time and effort not to go into each contest with idea of winning.

Parents share this responsibility as well, by teaching their kids that sports is about a team and not the individual. The reality of team sports on every level is that not everyone can start, and not everyone can play every position.....but playing hard and showing up to every practice and committing to the team is what sports really is all about. THAT is the life lesson.

Above all else, safety is paramount. Sports like football can be very dangerous if a player is put in a position that he is not capable of playing; running back or quarterback (the so called "glamour" positions) are not for every child who steps on the gridiron.

The writer of the editorial directs her expectations at the coaches, with little mention of expectations on the part of the participants or their parents. Volunteer coaches are not miracle workers. As a parent, I too have certain expectations of my childrens' coaches, but I understand it's a two way street. In "turning over " one of our children to a coach, my wife and I expect our kids to do everything that is asked of them by their coach in a committed respectful manner. We do everything in our power to support our coaches' efforts, including the simple idea that we will get our children on time to all practices and games. We also support the coach in terms of decisions that they have made as to how our child is best used within the team. It is our responsibility to explain to our children that everything won't always go their way, but we're proud of them for their hard work and commitment. I know most parents share this philosophy.

In return, what we expect from our coach is threefold: teach the sport in a safe manner, be fair to our child, and foster in our child a level of commitment to the sport with emphasis on creating a sense of team vs focus on the individual. We feel those are valuable lessons that will benefit our children throughout their lives.

Finally, the headline -- "Coaching or Encroaching" -- is a slap in the face to every volunteer coach who gives his or her time and effort to youth sports. As a parent, I have never come across a coach who has "encroached" on my children's development or love for their sports. I have come across coaches who have encouraged and enriched my child's love of sports. I think most parents will agree that the local coaches are a group of dedicated, caring and knowledgeable moms and dads who give selflessly of their time to youth . As a community that is so geared toward youth sports we are extremely blessed to be able to draw from a pool of very experienced coaches who each bring a strong background in the sport which they have volunteered to coach. Coaches in travel sports put in at minimun 10- 12 hours of their time each week between practice and games. This does not even account for the time some spend on administrative boards of leagues.

Thank you to all of you who volunteer. You are making a major difference in our children's lives.

 

[Boom_70]

Boy the coach who wrote that letter gets it. Would love to see the letter he was responding too.

 

[Flash]

And then the parents will wonder why no one will coach a team. There could be more risk to volunteering these days than there is to bungee jumping without a cord.

 

[Songbird]

The dad was just reminding the coach not to stray from shotgun formation too much.

 

[RAMBO]

His wife probably didn't give him enough ass the night before.

 

[Idaho]

His wife probably didn't give him enough ass the night before.

Go back to school, dumbo Rambo.

 

[alleyallen]

I have a question for Rambo ... why in the hell do you have an L.T. picture with a McNabb MVP declaration right below it? Is it because you're an idiot or a pre-schooler trying to play with grownups.

 

[poindexter]

More nutjob parents:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2006/10/22/MNGTILTVRT1.DTL

Here's an update on this story:
Castro Valley hoops coach can't win
Angry parents get a panel to pick team, cry foul when daughters don't make cut

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/11/30/MNGDFMM7I032.DTL

The results are in at Castro Valley High School. That's where a group of parents were in an uproar over girls varsity basketball coach Nancy Nibarger and demanded that her team be picked by a six-person panel. This week the team roster was posted.

None of the disgruntled parents' daughters made it.

If you think that's poetic justice and the end of things, you clearly haven't been following the situation. The parents are not going to let this go.

"The panel was a joke,'' Patty Goodman, the wife of Alameda County Superior Court Judge Larry Goodman, who has been in the vanguard of the angry parents, wrote in an e-mail exchange with me on Wednesday.

Really? Wasn't the panel their idea?

"The bottom line is that the parents got what they wanted,'' says Clay Kallam, a veteran East Bay women's basketball coach. "But they didn't like how it turned out.''

Sadly, the accusations and innuendo continue to fly. Patty Goodman, for example, wrote to me that "There has been a letter written by one of the panel members stating that the coach was displaying inappropriate behavior during tryouts. Nibarger even got in his face.''

"That absolutely never happened,'' says Bob Oates, who was appointed "ombudsman" by the school board to attend and oversee all the team's practices this season. Oates, who retired as principal at San Leandro High 11 years ago, says he did not know Nibarger when he took the job.

Not only that, he said this week, "I was going to look for anything" to confirm the behavior the parents were complaining about. "And if it had happened, I am sure I would have seen it.''

But try to convince the parents of that. On Internet bulletin boards, they rage that the panel was stacked with Nibarger supporters and that she ran the process. In fact, Nibarger says not only had she never met the panelists before, but "to this day I don't know their names.''

Assistant Principal Marci Plummer, who joined Castro Valley High in August, says she chose one of the panelists from a list submitted by the parents' group and then chose two longtime, "equitable and fair basketball experts whose reputation precedes them.''

And, in case there is any doubt, Plummer adds that the final decisions on cuts were "consensus-based and supported by the vast majority of the group.''

Nope, the parents continue to insist. It was a conspiracy. They wanted Nibarger fired this year, and if they couldn't get that (and they couldn't after formal complaints to the principal, district and school board), they were going to make her life miserable.

After a 12-hour meeting with the school board in August, Nibarger was ordered to have an ombudsman watching her during practices. Nor would she be allowed to pick her own team. The six-person panel -- which included Nibarger and her two assistants, each of whom had one vote -- would do that.

The restrictions seemed so unreasonable that coaches around the Bay Area expressed their outrage, and the entire 12-person football staff at Castro Valley eventually resigned. But Nibarger stayed and hopes the worst is over.

"We don't need any more war,'' Nibarger says. "Everybody loses in a war.''

Oates, who was a high school athletic director in Southern California before moving to the East Bay, and whose daughters graduated from Castro Valley High and played sports there, might have the best perspective.

"I believe the Goodmans and the other parents are fabulous people,'' he says. "And I think they honestly believe what they have heard. But I think what we will find is that when it is our children that we believe have been treated unfairly, we will go to the ends of the Earth.''

The elusive part of the story is what it is that Nibarger has done. Jay-Marie Hill, a co-captain on last year's team who is now a student at Stanford University, says Nibarger barked at her when she wanted to go to a church event instead of a basketball tournament. Although Hill had a sprained ankle and couldn't play, Nibarger wanted her there as a team leader. The two had words and, depending on whom you speak to, one of them hung up on the other.

cont

 

[poindexter]

"I told her two weeks later that I felt very disrespected by that,'' says Hill, who elected to come to the game after all but was hurt by the fact that Nibarger didn't say hello. "To me, that just shows a lack of character.''

Frankly, it sounds as if Nibarger could work on her communication skills. That's what the school board said after its meeting. But at least Hill had the maturity to go to Nibarger and speak to her personally instead of hiring an attorney.

Still, that incident was all it took to fracture their relationship. Hill, who once spent lunch hours in Nibarger's office chatting, and got a glowing letter of recommendation from her coach, now says she supports the unhappy parents. There's even talk of a lawsuit for "violation of civil rights.''

You think you have a civil right to be on the basketball team?

The season began Tuesday night at the Castro Valley gym, where Nibarger's Trojans were clobbered by powerhouse Foothill High of Pleasanton. But despite the drama swirling around, at that moment it looked like nothing more than a high school girls basketball game.

About 130 parents and friends sat in the bleachers as girls sprinted up and down the court. It isn't hard to imagine that this is how it will be next year. The unhappy seniors will be gone, their parents will be on to other things, and we'll be back to the game -- maybe a little older and wiser.

"There's a lesson here for everybody,'' says Mark Neal, an assistant principal at Creekside Middle School in Castro Valley and one of Nibarger's assistants. "But nobody is listening, because everybody is so upset about what happened to them.''