Cracking the New York code

[hockeybeat]

****in' Manhattanites.
Why don't youse come out to da outta boroughs, huh? What, ya tink ya betta den us?

 

[PaperDoll]

...And what are the chances that any of those tourists can tell you the cross street for 366 Fifth Avenue without toting around a mainframe computer?

Oh Ragu, don't you know real New Yorkers only talk to tourists to send them the wrong direction? Why do you think Moddy was told to subtract 158. Everybody <i>knows</i> you need to add 42 if you're facing south.

If you want to visit me, walk west... just a little farther... You'll know it when you see it. My stoop's permanent, but there's no parking anywhere unless you know how to get a boot off the car.

 

[crazedchipmunk]

I think I have entered the twilight zone. Now I know why I don't live anywhere near New York.

 

[The Big Ragu]

I think I have entered the twilight zone. Now I know why I don't live anywhere near New York.

Because you can't figure out the cross street for your apartment?

 

[Fenian_Bastard]

Of course.

Our stoop may actually around the corner, though. We're part of the new citywide "Shared Stoop Initiative," whereby New Yorkers make the best of our ever-diminishing stoop resource by moving our stoops from building to building. This occurs on the same rotation as Alternate Side of the Street Parking. So - depending on the day, date and time - take the M15 bus north for as long as it takes you to sing the "Wilkommen" song from Cabaret. Multiply that number by 27. Now subtract 158. Get off the bus. Spin, spin, spin. Ask the man in the orange jumpsuit for a paper transfer. He will laugh and laugh. Now walk north. 200 paces. Go back one. Add three. Take the 6 Train. Detrain at any stop. Entrain the N Train. Count 57. Jump down. Turn around. We have no bales of cotton, sadly. But hay we have by the hundredweight. So pick a bale. In fact, pick two. Close your eyes. Click your heels three times. Whisper "I think I can, I think I can." Now divide by 6. Open your eyes wide. The stoop should be just to your left.

We'll leave the key to human understanding beneath the cast iron amphora in which the singing Lichtensteiners grow their heirloom tomatoes.

Can't wait!

Howsabout I just take the A train?
Da-dada-da-da-daaaaaa!

 

[hockeybeat]

Of course.

Our stoop may actually around the corner, though. We're part of the new citywide "Shared Stoop Initiative," whereby New Yorkers make the best of our ever-diminishing stoop resource by moving our stoops from building to building. This occurs on the same rotation as Alternate Side of the Street Parking. So - depending on the day, date and time - take the M15 bus north for as long as it takes you to sing the "Wilkommen" song from Cabaret. Multiply that number by 27. Now subtract 158. Get off the bus. Spin, spin, spin. Ask the man in the orange jumpsuit for a paper transfer. He will laugh and laugh. Now walk north. 200 paces. Go back one. Add three. Take the 6 Train. Detrain at any stop. Entrain the N Train. Count 57. Jump down. Turn around. We have no bales of cotton, sadly. But hay we have by the hundredweight. So pick a bale. In fact, pick two. Close your eyes. Click your heels three times. Whisper "I think I can, I think I can." Now divide by 6. Open your eyes wide. The stoop should be just to your left.

We'll leave the key to human understanding beneath the cast iron amphora in which the singing Lichtensteiners grow their heirloom tomatoes.

Can't wait!

Howsabout I just take the A train?
Da-dada-da-da-daaaaaa!

When you're alone and life is making you lonely
You can always go - downtown
When you've got worries, all the noise and the hurry
Seems to help, I know - downtown
Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city
Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty
How can you lose?

The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
So go downtown, things'll be great when you're
Downtown - no finer place, for sure
Downtown - everything's waiting for you

Don't hang around and let your problems surround you
There are movie shows - downtown
Maybe you know some little places to go to
Where they never close - downtown
Just listen to the rhythm of a gentle bossa nova
You'll be dancing with him too before the night is over
Happy again

The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
So go downtown, where all the lights are bright
Downtown - waiting for you tonight
Downtown - you're gonna be all right now

And you may find somebody kind to help and understand you
Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to
Guide them along

So maybe I'll see you there
We can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares
So go downtown, things'll be great when you're
Downtown - don't wait a minute more
Downtown - everything's waiting for you

Downtown, downtown, downtown, downtown ...
​

 

[crazedchipmunk]

I think I have entered the twilight zone. Now I know why I don't live anywhere near New York.

Because you can't figure out the cross street for your apartment?

I can figure it out but that formula is just mind boggling. Although, I have been told that I do have the attitude to live in NYC.

 

[The Big Ragu]

I think I have entered the twilight zone. Now I know why I don't live anywhere near New York.

Because you can't figure out the cross street for your apartment?

I can figure it out but that formula is just mind boggling. Although, I have been told that I do have the attitude to live in NYC.

You are courteous, kind and forgiving?

 

[slappy4428]

Gentle and peaceful each day?

 

[dooley_womack1]

Better off not driving?

 

[waterytart]

This is the reason I never leave the house.

Where do you live and how can I get there from here?

We're the last building on the right. High up. But not too high. Look for the helipad. It's next to the solarium. (Just don't confuse it with the greenhouse, which is on level 9 - adjacent to the observatory. The orchidarium on 8 belongs to the neighbors. They are Lichtensteiners who sing beautifully but are drunkards.) Our hydrofoil is parked out front. Tell your rickshaw man to take you to the Teahouse of Russet Potatoes. The password is "dreadnought." We'll expect you around six. Bring a covered dish.

Outing alert:

jgmacg is Nero Wolfe.

 

[Johnny Dangerously]

This confuses me more than the grid for Salt Lake City streets. Those who have invited me to visit them in NYC may never see me there. I'm terrible at math.

 

[imjustagirl]

If they've invited you, they'll tell you their cross streets. I've been to NYC many times. Mapquest stuff. Or call anyplace you want to visit. Most will have cross streets on their Web sites.

I've never known there was a formula. I feel so left out!

 

[Angola!]

This confuses me more than the grid for Salt Lake City streets. Those who have invited me to visit them in NYC may never see me there. I'm terrible at math.

Plus, the people I met on the subway were really nice and gave my family directions and whatnot. I didn't have any problems with New Yorkers. Though they had lots of weird questions about Seattle.

 

[crusoes]

Yes they do. Hot, hot, hot. And ask them to float a handmade marshmallow in there, too. Do not do the math on the calories. Do not.

I love the handmade marshmallows. So much more life-like than the machine-made kind.

 

[Fenian_Bastard]

There is no place I want to go in Salt Lake City.

However, in NYC, you can always...

...ask a cabbie!

 

[jgmacg]

There is no place I want to go in Salt Lake City.

Just as well.

 

[The Big Ragu]

I don't care if she can or can't. If she hangs out on your stoop, JG, I'm coming over... She looks like an interesting person.

 

[dixiehack]

Not really, Moddy. You take the building number and divide by 20. Then you add or subtract a number depending on the avenue. For example, 6th Avenue is (building number/20)-12). 8th Avenue is ((building number/20)+9).

You happened to pick 5th Avenue, which is the only Avenue it doesn't work for. The number you add after dividing the building number by 20 differs, depending on how far uptown you get. I'm not kidding. It's:

63-108 +11
109-200 +13
201-400 +16
401-600 +18
601-775 +20
For 776-1286, divide by 10 (instead of 20) and then subtract 18

So for 366 5th Ave., it is ((366/20)+16), which is 34.3, or 34th Street.

I finally understand the popularity of Garmins.

 

[The Big Ragu]

I love your avatar, Dixie.