Childhood misunderstandings

[Steak Snabler]

Stolen from Twitter. Figured this could make for an interesting thread:



Mine:

I thought "guerrilla warfare" involved actual gorillas, like Planet of the Apes.

 

[BTExpress]

Euthanasia.

"Why the **** is everyone concerned about a bunch of Asian kids?"

 

[Dick Whitman]

When I was really little, I thought all MLB games were taking place at Comiskey Park. As in every section entrance led into a different game.

 

[Jake_Taylor]

I was almost in kindergarten before I realized when my mom was referring to my junk she was saying penis, not peanuts.

 

[CD Boogie]

I thought a blow job was the same thing as a blow hard. Then I wrote a short story in grammar school and named a character Blow Job Bob. I read it to my father before I was going to submit. He corrected me.

 

[LongTimeListener]

I thought oral sex was talking dirty to the girl. Thus, I thought I saw two security guards engaging in oral sex at County Stadium, he whispering into her ear and she smiling.

 

[Gutter]

I thought color wasn't invented until the 1960s or 1970s.

 

[spikechiquet]

To think...many of these things are now answered by Google...with pictures and videos to boot.

 

[Jake_Taylor]

Speaking of Google, my kids favorite thing is to ask me random questions so I can "ok, Google" it. It's fairly hilarious at times.

"What's the tallest mountain in South America?"
"What's the tallest building in California?"
"How tall is that tree?"

Uh, I don't think Google can tell us that.

"Why not?"

Yesterday the littlest asked me to find out how many countries were in Asia. 48.

"Oh good, I was hoping for at least 43."

 

[The Big Ragu]

My mom used to tell the story about the time I sneezed when I was a toddler, and I asked her to wipe "the god bless you" off my face.

 

[typefitter]

I thought my dad's middle name was Raven until I was, like, 15. It's Raymond.

 

[The Big Ragu]

I thought my dad's middle name was Raven until I was, like, 15. It's Raymond.

My dad's middle name was Raymond, too. I just assumed he was the only one. ... on the planet.

 

[HC]

I thought Spanish coffee was the same thing as Cafe au Lait (ole)

 

[MisterCreosote]

My grandmother used to tell us in Italian to shut our mouths. Since she mostly said it during dinners or when there were guests, I thought it was a salutation you say during a toast.

 

[jr/shotglass]

Well ... again ... I was positive the lyric was "looking for a lover who won't blow my brother, she's so hard to find."

 

[Dyno]

I thought getting mugged meant someone punched you in the stomach with a coffee mug and then took your wallet while you were doubled over.

 

[typefitter]

I thought getting mugged meant someone punched you in the stomach with a coffee mug and then took your wallet while you were doubled over.

Well, I mean, it might.

 

[HC]

I was a precocious reader and at age 12 took "Little Big Man" out of the library. Could not figure out exactly what a "woar-house" was (my pronunciation) but assumed it was similar to a warehouse. Not sure why women were always waving out of the second floor window. I think I assumed that that was where the break room was.

 

[typefitter]

I was a precocious reader and at age 12 took "Little Big Man" out of the library. Could not figure out exactly what a "woar-house" was (my pronunciation) but assumed it was similar to a warehouse. Not sure why women were always waving out of the second floor window. I think I assumed that that was where the break room was.

It took me a long time to realize there isn't a character in "The Catcher in the Rye" named Fo-ebb. I mean, Phoebe? Look at that combination of letters and tell me that makes sense.

 

[I Should Coco]

At some point in 1980 I asked my parents why it was such a big deal that there was a Circus in Iran. I mean, is a circus important enough to interrupt The Dukes of Hazzard?