Best man etiquette

[JayFarrar]

So my oldest friend from college has asked me to be his best man.
I'm a little shocked but also honored.
So what's the etiquette on being a best man these days?

 

[Boom_70]

Don't hit on the bride to be.

 

[outofplace]

Have an escape plan ready in case your buddy needs it.

 

[Captain_Kirk]

Well, pull out your list of hookers and strippers for starters....

 

[Moderator1]

1. Throw the bachelor party
2. Make a toast
3. I think there is something involved with the rings but I'm not sure what that might be.
4. I believe the best man and maid-of-honor sit up front and drive the bride-and-groom to the reception, if it is at a different locale. Groom then tries to sneak in some early action on the way over.

Basically, you take care of the details so the groom just has to stand up there and spit out I do.

 

[Pete Incaviglia]

You are his clubhouse attendant.

Do what Moddy said. As for No. 3 - you hold the rings. You know where they are at all times. You pretend to have lost them for the cliche joke at the church. Whatever. Guard them with your life.

After what Moddy said. You help him with cufflinks, tying his tie, making sure he has extra deodorant, a change of socks and clean undershirt - all if it's hot out.

You bring the booze to the pre-ceremony dressing.

You offer your house as the place where the wedding party gets ready. Or, you do it at his place or his parents if he so chooses. It's all abour proximity to the church.

You do what he wants and avoid what he doesn't. If he doesn't want to go to Vegas and have midget strippers in a hotel room, you don't. It's HIS bachelor party, not yours.

You offer some sage words of wisdom, even if they're cliche, just before you leave for the church.

You are a gentlemen to his wife and the bridesmaids. Help them too if they need it.

And, you give a kick ass speech. And hug him after you deliver it.

 

[outofplace]

1. Throw the bachelor party
2. Make a toast
3. I think there is something involved with the rings but I'm not sure what that might be.
4. I believe the best man and maid-of-honor sit up front and drive the bride-and-groom to the reception, if it is at a different locale. Groom then tries to sneak in some early action on the way over.

Basically, you take care of the details so the groom just has to stand up there and spit out I do.

Well, if you're going to actually give a real answer.

That last part is the most important thing. The best man's job is to make things as easy as possible for the groom.

Regarding the rings, the couple will decide how to handle that (which means the bride will decide). Depends on the type of ceremony.

Regarding the drive to the reception, it's a good thing to offer. I offered to do the driving for my friend and his new wife when they got married last year, but they decided that they wanted the time in the car alone. Not sure if there was any action involved or not.

Excellent points by Inky, too, especially regarding the bachelor party. Do NOT push the man to do anything he doesn't want to do just because you think he should. My buddy somehow ended up agreeing to a "no strippers" rule with his bride. We all teased him about it relentlessly, but we also made sure we did things his way.

Oh, and my speech did kick ass, in part because I got a lucky break. My buddy has a daughter, who was 11 at the time. I talked to her just before giving my speech and on a whim asked if I should tease her dad a little or a lot. Of course, she chose "a lot," giving me a perfect story to open with and get everybody laughing.

 

[Double J]

I don't see "get wasted and puke all over the bride's mother" anywhere on anyone's list.....

Seriously, some great advice here. The only thing I could add is that you and the maid of honour should take the lead in the planning of the buck-and-doe (also called stag-and-doe, jack-and-jill) if one is to be held independent of the bachelor party.

 

[JayFarrar]

I don't see "get wasted and puke all over the bride's mother" anywhere on anyone's list.....

Seriously, some great advice here. The only thing I could add is that you and the maid of honour should take the lead in the planning of the buck-and-doe (also called stag-and-doe, jack-and-jill) if one is to be held independent of the bachelor party.

Could you translate the bolded portion from Canuckistani and into English for me please? I am unfamiliar with the buck-and-doe concept.
thanks

 

[DisembodiedOwlHead]

You need to ask him what he wants from you - been involved in many weddings and the best man's role has never been exactly the same in any two.

 

[outofplace]

I don't see "get wasted and puke all over the bride's mother" anywhere on anyone's list.....
Seriously, some great advice here. The only thing I could add is that you and the maid of honour should take the lead in the planning of the buck-and-doe (also called stag-and-doe, jack-and-jill) if one is to be held independent of the bachelor party.

This made me laugh, mostly because the bride's mother deserved that and more when my buddy got married last year.

 

[Buck]

Loosen everybody up with a really foul joke before your toast.

 

[outofplace]

Loosen everybody up with a really foul joke before your toast.

Or by puking all over the mother of the bride.

 

[AMacIsaac]

I don't see "get wasted and puke all over the bride's mother" anywhere on anyone's list.....

Seriously, some great advice here. The only thing I could add is that you and the maid of honour should take the lead in the planning of the buck-and-doe (also called stag-and-doe, jack-and-jill) if one is to be held independent of the bachelor party.

Could you translate the bolded portion from Canuckistani and into English for me please? I am unfamiliar with the buck-and-doe concept.
thanks

http://www.yourwedding101.com/bridal-showers/stag-and-does.aspx

Stag and doe parties, or buck and doe parties as they're also called, are designed to raise money for the couple's wedding. Hosting this type of pre-wedding party requires a lot of careful planning. As the intent is to raise money for the couple's wedding the stag and doe party must make a profit, hopefully a large one.

The profits from a stag and doe party are raised through ticket sales. That's right - guests pay to attend a stag and doe. Far from being a point of contention most guests are all too pleased to buy a ticket. Not only does the money help the couple financially, but the guest also gets to enjoy good company and have a great time. Often if the guest can't attend the party personally they'll purchase the ticket just for the sake of the bride and groom - now that's a great friend!

 

[sportschick]

Don't call the bride by your buddy's ex-girlfriend's name.

 

[Inky_Wretch]

Whatever you do, during the toast don't say "We knew (groom) was getting serious about settling down when he quit dating Jewish girls."

 

[Buck]

I can't endorse activities that are fund-raisers for the couple.

 

[outofplace]

I can't endorse activities that are fund-raisers for the couple.

Well, without Buck's endorsement, I guess we all better chuck that idea.

 

[jlee]

A friend of mine got extremely plastered at his wedding reception, to the point that he took a nosedive from a seated position into a lawn sculpture. Everyone heard the lawn sculpture break an turned to see the groom, ass in air and face in ground.

The best man quickly had two buddies grab the groom and take him to a bathroom to "wash him up and get him some ****ing coffee f'r christ's sake." This took about five seconds before he looked the bride's father dead in the eye and said "I pushed him." He got a 10-minute reaming from at least three people in the bride's side of the family and he didn't say a word throughout the tirades.

That's a best man.

 

[JC]

make sure you don't mention how you nailed the bride in college.