Best man etiquette

[Matt Foley]

make sure you don't mention how you nailed the bride in college.

Funny that you mention that! Umm, I haven't — or at least I don't remember if I did — but one of the groomsmen has or at least made one serious attempt at it. I think that's why he isn't bestman.
I probably could have hit it, but I had more sense than that back in the day and I was more intrigued by her roommate, the one who didn't have a rectum.
Anyway, I've already noted, "We knew (groom) was getting serious about settling down when he quit dating Jewish girls."
And thanks for that reminder Inky!
I wasn't aware of driving them to the reception, so that's been helpful. The stag-and-doe party seems like I hell of a good idea, but I know that a wedding shower, her co-workers paid for the airline tickets, hotel and some entertainment for their honeymoon.
So I think they are okay on money.

Within the next year or so I will be attending the wedding of one of my college buddies and I know for a fact that at least three of the people attending will have had sex with the bride as well (one of whom will definitely be in the running to be the best man), all I can say is that I hope for his sake the groom lays down some serious rules as far as toasts and speeches go.

 

[Double J]

"But honestly, do I really deserve the title of 'best man'? Hey, only the bride knows for sure, haha!"

 

[budcrew08]

make sure you don't mention how you nailed the bride in college.

Funny that you mention that! Umm, I haven't — or at least I don't remember if I did — but one of the groomsmen has or at least made one serious attempt at it. I think that's why he isn't bestman.
I probably could have hit it, but I had more sense than that back in the day and I was more intrigued by her roommate, the one who didn't have a rectum.
Anyway, I've already noted, "We knew (groom) was getting serious about settling down when he quit dating Jewish girls."
And thanks for that reminder Inky!
I wasn't aware of driving them to the reception, so that's been helpful. The stag-and-doe party seems like I hell of a good idea, but I know that a wedding shower, her co-workers paid for the airline tickets, hotel and some entertainment for their honeymoon.
So I think they are okay on money.

I'm sorry...what?? :o

That was my question as well. WTF?

Make that three of us.

Glad I wasn't the only one. I took it to mean that she was a bit uptight, but I wish Jay would drop by to clear this up.

He's being anal about telling us the story.

Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!

Har, har, har.

:)

 

[Appgrad05]

Okay, sorry for the delay, stupid work.
Anyway, the girl without a rectum is actually a girl without a rectum.
At a very young age she had some sort of innard cancer and it led to doctors removing a portion of her lower gastro intensnial (SP) track.
The surgeon stitched up her rectum and she had an internal colostomy bag put in. That meant she had a valve on her side that she would open up and stick in a tube when she had to poop.
She would often times not to tell guys she had hooked up with about her lack of a second hole and would roll over willingly to get their reaction when they went looking and couldn't find it.
I saw it.
It went vag, taint, more taint, a very light scar that you had to look for and then butt cheeks.

Stories JayFarrar can never tell the Virgin for $300, Alex.

 

[outofplace]

make sure you don't mention how you nailed the bride in college.

Funny that you mention that! Umm, I haven't — or at least I don't remember if I did — but one of the groomsmen has or at least made one serious attempt at it. I think that's why he isn't bestman.
I probably could have hit it, but I had more sense than that back in the day and I was more intrigued by her roommate, the one who didn't have a rectum.
Anyway, I've already noted, "We knew (groom) was getting serious about settling down when he quit dating Jewish girls."
And thanks for that reminder Inky!
I wasn't aware of driving them to the reception, so that's been helpful. The stag-and-doe party seems like I hell of a good idea, but I know that a wedding shower, her co-workers paid for the airline tickets, hotel and some entertainment for their honeymoon.
So I think they are okay on money.

Within the next year or so I will be attending the wedding of one of my college buddies and I know for a fact that at least three of the people attending will have had sex with the bride as well (one of whom will definitely be in the running to be the best man), all I can say is that I hope for his sake the groom lays down some serious rules as far as toasts and speeches go.

It isn't about ground rules for the best man. It is about choosing a best man worthy of the job. I had a funny line story that I desperately wanted to use in my speech. The bride and groom would have laughed. The groom's family and all of their friends would have laughed. But I think the bride's family might have been offended, so I left it out. Sure, you can have some fun at the expense of the groom in the speech, maybe even tweak the bride a little. But the bottom line is to make sure EVERYBODY is smiling when you are done.

 

[lono]

make sure you don't mention how you nailed the bride in college.

Funny that you mention that! Umm, I haven't — or at least I don't remember if I did — but one of the groomsmen has or at least made one serious attempt at it. I think that's why he isn't bestman.
I probably could have hit it, but I had more sense than that back in the day and I was more intrigued by her roommate, the one who didn't have a rectum.
Anyway, I've already noted, "We knew (groom) was getting serious about settling down when he quit dating Jewish girls."
And thanks for that reminder Inky!
I wasn't aware of driving them to the reception, so that's been helpful. The stag-and-doe party seems like I hell of a good idea, but I know that a wedding shower, her co-workers paid for the airline tickets, hotel and some entertainment for their honeymoon.
So I think they are okay on money.

Within the next year or so I will be attending the wedding of one of my college buddies and I know for a fact that at least three of the people attending will have had sex with the bride as well (one of whom will definitely be in the running to be the best man), all I can say is that I hope for his sake the groom lays down some serious rules as far as toasts and speeches go.

It isn't about ground rules for the best man. It is about choosing a best man worthy of the job. I had a funny line story that I desperately wanted to use in my speech. The bride and groom would have laughed. The groom's family and all of their friends would have laughed. But I think the bride's family might have been offended, so I left it out. Sure, you can have some fun at the expense of the groom in the speech, maybe even tweak the bride a little. But the bottom line is to make sure EVERYBODY is smiling when you are done.

That also applies at the bachelor party, especially if ANY of the bride's family are in attendance.

Then again, maybe I'm the wrong guy to ask.

I was kidnapped and taken out of the country for my bachelor party, my best man is in jail and we were married by a notary public.

 

[outofplace]

make sure you don't mention how you nailed the bride in college.

Funny that you mention that! Umm, I haven't — or at least I don't remember if I did — but one of the groomsmen has or at least made one serious attempt at it. I think that's why he isn't bestman.
I probably could have hit it, but I had more sense than that back in the day and I was more intrigued by her roommate, the one who didn't have a rectum.
Anyway, I've already noted, "We knew (groom) was getting serious about settling down when he quit dating Jewish girls."
And thanks for that reminder Inky!
I wasn't aware of driving them to the reception, so that's been helpful. The stag-and-doe party seems like I hell of a good idea, but I know that a wedding shower, her co-workers paid for the airline tickets, hotel and some entertainment for their honeymoon.
So I think they are okay on money.

Within the next year or so I will be attending the wedding of one of my college buddies and I know for a fact that at least three of the people attending will have had sex with the bride as well (one of whom will definitely be in the running to be the best man), all I can say is that I hope for his sake the groom lays down some serious rules as far as toasts and speeches go.

It isn't about ground rules for the best man. It is about choosing a best man worthy of the job. I had a funny line story that I desperately wanted to use in my speech. The bride and groom would have laughed. The groom's family and all of their friends would have laughed. But I think the bride's family might have been offended, so I left it out. Sure, you can have some fun at the expense of the groom in the speech, maybe even tweak the bride a little. But the bottom line is to make sure EVERYBODY is smiling when you are done.

That also applies at the bachelor party, especially if ANY of the bride's family are in attendance.

Then again, maybe I'm the wrong guy to ask.

I was kidnapped and taken out of the country for my bachelor party, my best man is in jail and we were married by a notary public.

That sounds like a fun story.

I remember a good bit of grumbling about the rules for my best friend's bachelor party. I even teased him about agreeing to not go to a strip club. But we spent the day doing exactly what he wanted to do and we all had a great time, especially the groom. I'll have to wait until he is married a while. Then we'll take him to a club. :)

 

[bruins2585]

Keep the toast short and simple. If you go for the home run and strike out, you will never hear the end of it from all parties involved.

 

[User 1019]

Okay, sorry for the delay, stupid work.
Anyway, the girl without a rectum is actually a girl without a rectum.
At a very young age she had some sort of innard cancer and it led to doctors removing a portion of her lower gastro intensnial (SP) track.
The surgeon stitched up her rectum and she had an internal colostomy bag put in. That meant she had a valve on her side that she would open up and stick in a tube when she had to poop.
She would often times not to tell guys she had hooked up with about her lack of a second hole and would roll over willingly to get their reaction when they went looking and couldn't find it.
I saw it.
It went vag, taint, more taint, a very light scar that you had to look for and then butt cheeks.

I'm torn between laughing and being disgusted...perhaps a combination of the two.

That describes exactly my reaction.....and did anyone else laugh in spite of themselves when they read "innard cancer"?

Talk about being tight-assed.

Another important question - does the valve have a vent so she can still fart?

I'm thinking it's some sort of pressure-release valve ... like some sort of hydraulic system. Pressure gets too high and endangers the system, and the valve pops.

 

[JayFarrar]

Stories JayFarrar can never tell the Virgin for $300, Alex.

See you made an assumption here and assumptions are like assholes, eveyone has them -- except when they don't have assholes.
Actually ... the (not a) virgin (anymore), the bride to be and the girl with no asshole were all freshwomen together at the same liberal arts school. Then the bride to be and the girl with no asshole transfered together to another school.
The (not a) virgin (anymore) is already aware of the girl with no asshole and has knowledge (not firsthand) of the lack of an asshole on the girl with no asshole.

 

[outofplace]

Stories JayFarrar can never tell the Virgin for $300, Alex.

See you made an assumption here and assumptions are like assholes, eveyone has them -- except when they don't have assholes.
Actually ... the (not a) virgin (anymore), the bride to be and the girl with no asshole were all freshwomen together at the same liberal arts school. Then the bride to be and the girl with no asshole transfered together to another school.
The (not a) virgin (anymore) is already aware of the girl with no asshole and has knowledge (not firsthand) of the lack of an asshole on the girl with no asshole.

But does she know you have seen the lack of an asshole? :)