When a parent dies ...

[Cosmo]

Sorry to hear about this, Inky. I've thought about this a lot of late, because my mom just turned 78 and though she's in good health, you just never know. Went up to take her out for a birthday lunch a couple of Sundays ago and told my friends that I need to cherish those opportunities because I don't know how many more we'll have to celebrate together. Lost my dad to lung cancer when I was 17 (he was a two-pack a day smoker for 40 years before quitting cold turkey). It was really hard for me to process because it was right before I left home for college and I had the typical relationship that a teenage boy has with his father -- acrimonial at times. I've always wondered what kind of relationship we would have had after I matured a little more.

I echo what others here say. Find a way to properly grieve and spend as much time as you can with friends and family, celebrating his memory.

 

[swingline]

Damn, Inky, I’m sorry to hear that. May his memory bring comfort to your family. Hugs to all.

 

[Inky_Wretch]

Thanks to all y'all. I appreciate all the advice and kind words. In a sea of horribleness online, this place is pretty great.

 

[dixiehack]

Of all places, the most memorable advice I ever got on grieving came from The Facts of Life.

• Edna Garrett: You know, a few weeks after my father died, some friends took me to the movies to see 'Some Like it Hot'. I laughed for 2 hours, and then I went home and cried for 2 days. I missed my dad so much. How could I have had such a good time?
• Natalie Green: I know what you mean.
• Edna Garrett: But then I realized, I wasn't forgetting my dad when I was having a good time. I was letting go of some of the pain of losing him. Natalie, it's okay, that's how we get on with our lives.

 

[MileHigh]

Thanks to all y'all. I appreciate all the advice and kind words. In a sea of horribleness online, this place is pretty great.

We're all here for you.

 

[micropolitan guy]

I wrote both of my parent's obituaries, with input and review from my brothers. I was surprised how much better it made me feel. Everything the family felt needed to be said about them, was said.

We joked that we finally got the last word, which rarely happened when they were alive.

It's been more than five years. I'll never stop missing them but now when I think of them it makes me smile, which wasn't always the case for a year or two after their passing. Instead of grieving they are gone, I can be happy for the 60-plus years I got to spend with them. Not everyone gets that long.

My sincere condolences. No matter how great a life they led and how long they lived it, it still feels as if it wasn't long enough.