United States of Shame (or "We're No. 1! We're No. 1!")

[Killick]

What's your state the tops in? Here in Kentucky, we're the No. 1 state for cancer. WOOOO!

http://pleated-jeans.com/2011/01/24/the-united-states-of-shame-chart

Of course, as a fellow Kentuckian told me "Huh. We're stuck between Nerd-dom (Ohio) and death (Tennessee)."

The story of my life.

 

[LongTimeListener]

California: air pollution? I thought for sure we were going to be No. 1 in Honda Civics with tinted windows.

 

[old_tony]

Wisconsin: Binge Drinking. I believe that.

 

[YGBFKM]

Wisconsin: Binge Drinking. I believe that.

There has to be a prelude to ****ing dead animals, right?

 

[Care Bear]

No. Why?

 

[hondo]

Kentucky leads in cancer because no one got the memo in that state that smoking kills you.

 

[Killick]

Nah. We got the memo. Just couldn't read it.

 

[holy bull]

"Longest daily commute"? Really? I've got another one for New York: "Most boring thing to be the worst at."

 

[Double J]

Hmmmm. I've got unemployment, bad drivers and bestiality. That's an interesting combination.

Actually, I'll blame my forebears, seeing as I've never actually lived in any of those states myself!

 

[BYH]

"Longest daily commute"? Really? I've got another one for New York: "Most boring thing to be the worst at."

That's cause we're just that ****ing good at everything else!

 

[holy bull]

"Longest daily commute"? Really? I've got another one for New York: "Most boring thing to be the worst at."

That's cause we're just that ****ing good at everything else!

****ing A right.

I think the poll sample consisted only of people who work in the the New York metro area and state workers who live more than 12 miles from Albany.

 

[GermanKeyser]

Texas: high school graduation rate. I can't help but wonder if that has helped influence Louisiana's gonorrhea problem??

Maybe it was a factor in the Cowboys' downfall this season, too??

 

[spnited]

I was shocked to find New Jersey was No. 1 in taxes! ::)

 

[Buck]

I was shocked to find New Jersey was No. 1 in taxes!

And government corruption. I think that's a more notable accomplishment.

 

[bumpy mcgee]

So all those awesome women in prison documentaries I watched were set in Oklahoma?

 

[Brian]

We're not the nerdiest in Ohio. The library is just the least expensive way to look at porn without paying for overpriced broadband internet after everyone is laid off and John Kasich begins selling the state's assets to Goldman Sachs.

 

[Batman]

Love the way the chart sort of creates a trail of shame from one state to another and tells a story:

Montana is first for drunk drivers, then you head south to Wyoming to have the fatal car wreck.

North Dakota has the ugliest residents, which leads to a sense of loserdom and isolation, so they go to South Dakota and commit rape. Now on the run, they continue south to Nebraska and assault more women. By the time they get to Oklahoma, though, the women fight back and shoot their rapey ass.

The worst credit score is in Arkansas. So you move to Missouri to file bankruptcy. That still doesn't work, though, so you head on over to Illinois and rob a bank.

And then you have New Mexico, telling the rest of the country to **** off; poor little blue Alaska all alone by itself with a gun in its hand; and Florida down in the bottom right corner scheming about which title it wants to claim.

 

[Captain_Kirk]

Utah -- biggest porn users? Those horny Mormons....

And two others I would have never guessed--most tornadoes for Minnesota and most mobile homes for South Carolina.

 

[mustangj17]

Michigan: Unemployment

Nothing we didn't know. Three to four years and running, *******. Alaska can't touch this.

 

[Bob Cook]

Utah -- biggest porn users? Those horny Mormons....

And two others I would have never guessed--most tornadoes for Minnesota and most mobile homes for South Carolina.

Even worse for Utah is that the measurement was based on number of online porn SUBSCRIPTIONS. Hasn't Utah gotten the word that you don't have to pay for porn on the Internet?

I think Illinois cemented No. 1 state for robbery when the state legislature passed that big tax increase. (/rim shot -- not the kind of rim shot that Utahans love)