Too Many Funerals....

qtlaw · Sep 5, 2016

Getting old(er) sucks; went to 3 funerals last year, including one of my closest cousins.

Now, tow more in the next week probably.

I just found out that one co-worker from 20 years ago, who was a college student working in our firm when I started, died suddenly unexpectedly last week, he was only 48. Then one of my former partners just emailed me today that one of his still partners (a former one of mine for 15 years) died Friday. He was 70, still too young.

Looking at the worst side, mortality strikes at all times.

Looking at the bright side, I'm lucky to have known both of them and had some good times with them.

Dick Whitman · Sep 5, 2016

In 2012, my dad died in early October. We spent most weekends after that at the cancer ward with my dying brother in law. He died the morning of Decrmber 30th. My daughter was born a few hours later.

User 1019 · Sep 6, 2016

I totally understand where you're coming from. Last year was very difficult for me. I lost two very close friends in separate helicopter crashes.

The count is 11 since 2009.

Thoughts of self-preservation really make me want to get out of helicopters for good, and soon.

outofplace · Sep 6, 2016

Funerals for people you care about are always awful, but that added element of facing your own advancing age certainly makes them hit even harder.

I've only been to one funeral this year, but that was more than enough. I've mentioned it on other threads, but my mother died in June. My father is long gone. He died in 1999. This one hit so much harder for a variety of reasons, one of which was the way it forced me to face my own mortality. When my father died, I was only 27 and still felt like I was just getting started, in part because I got married about four months earlier. So part of it was being 17 years older this time around, but for me at least, the realization that I no longer had a living parent really hit home. There was something about being able to call mom that made me feel a little younger.

Of course, the relationship you had with the person is also part of the impact. I was much closer to my mother than I was to my father. I'm much more like her than I ever was like him. I was also the one who spoke for the family during her funeral. I remember feeling like I had to get through the service without losing it because that's what she would have done. In the end, I realized that was my coping mechanism. I focused on my role in the service so I didn't have to think about anything else.

In the end, that's all you can expect of yourself. Do right by the person you lost and hope the people you care about will do the same when it is your time.

qtlaw · Sep 9, 2016

outofplace said:
Funerals for people you care about are always awful, but that added element of facing your own advancing age certainly makes them hit even harder.

I've only been to one funeral this year, but that was more than enough. I've mentioned it on other threads, but my mother died in June. My father is long gone. He died in 1999. This one hit so much harder for a variety of reasons, one of which was the way it forced me to face my own mortality. When my father died, I was only 27 and still felt like I was just getting started, in part because I got married about four months earlier. So part of it was being 17 years older this time around, but for me at least, the realization that I no longer had a living parent really hit home. There was something about being able to call mom that made me feel a little younger.

Of course, the relationship you had with the person is also part of the impact. I was much closer to my mother than I was to my father. I'm much more like her than I ever was like him. I was also the one who spoke for the family during her funeral. I remember feeling like I had to get through the service without losing it because that's what she would have done. In the end, I realized that was my coping mechanism. I focused on my role in the service so I didn't have to think about anything else.

In the end, that's all you can expect of yourself. Do right by the person you lost and hope the people you care about will do the same when it is your time.

Thanks. Sorry for your loss and thanks for sharing. I will not pretend to know what its like to lose your mom. I have little doubt that your mom was proud to have you speak then.

Good words to remember OOP. Be well.

Webster · Sep 10, 2016

Was at the funeral of a college roommate a couple of weeks ago. The guy was a horse -- starting center on our hoops team for 3 years and he passed at 46 (my age) and had two kids about the same as mine. Hit me like a rock even though we weren't close for years and honestly, I'm still having trouble coming to grips with it.

Bradley Guire · Sep 12, 2016

I've been reflective about mortality lately, too. My aunt, my dad's oldest sister, died a month ago. Didn't get to make it all the way back to Alabama for the funeral. I just can't fly right now, waiting on my next back surgery. My great aunt, my dad's aunt and the last of the Guires from that generation, died a week ago. We weren't super close, but we would always drop by once a week to say hi, just because that generation was from that time when growing up and moving to the next town might as well be moving to Australia. My grandparents on my dad's side have been dead for years. My grandparents, mom's parents, are still with us and in pretty good health for their early 80s. But you never know. I was hoping to fly down and visit because you never know if they'll stick around waiting on you. But, again, I can't fly right now. ****, even my dog is 14. I've started thinking about living wills, wills (not that I have anything other than debt), my own funeral arrangements. I wouldn't mind living forever, but whatever.