The Divorce (and SJ Therapy) Thread

[Songbird]

Would you stay married for the sake of convenience, or would you get the **** out when the fire died?

The real question is, Do you fight with your spouse and do you think your marriage is stronger because you do?

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/22/f...ups-separation.html?smid=tw-nytimes&smtyp=cur

I sometimes wonder if our inability to strike out is heartbreakingly rooted in our love for one another. Because we did and do love each other. And we both had been so injured by our violent and loud childhoods that we found refuge and joy in the quiet.

But that kind of love often doesn’t survive life, and in the end, our silence was less about respect or affection or love than it was about cowardice. He and I were equal partners in that, turning inward instead of speaking out.


*

(Hey, NYT, your URLs are really ****ty. Work on that ******* SEO!)

 

[MisterCreosote]

Does that person think marital strife was just invented?

 

[JohnHammond]

Seems as if she wanted something new. She has it..for now.

 

[Vombatus]

Marriage: don't.

 

[MisterCreosote]

Getting divorced and building your next relationship solely on a foundation of the opposite of everything wrong with your ex always works out so well.

 

[JohnHammond]

The consensus on mommy message boards would be the husband is addicted to porn (with addiction in that context meaning only occasionally watching porn), gay, pedophile, or severely depressed because who doesn't want to go out all the time and cuddle with their true love.

My throwing-it-out-there guess is the wife might not be as welcoming and supportive as she thinks she is, and possibly bi-polar.

 

[Riptide]

Bangin' little body, though.

 

[User 1019]

6 is stretching it.

 

[KYSportsWriter]

My parents, and a lot of folks in my family, have been divorced at least once.

Mom has been with the man I call my step-father since I was 3 or 4, Dad remarried around that same time. My step-mother left my dad on Easter Sunday when I was 14 or 15, but they haven't gotten divorced yet. Both of them are too lazy or too cheap to get it done, so it's made for some awkward times at family stuff.

It's one of the myriad reasons I'm scared ****less to take the plunge -- if I ever do meet "the one."

 

[dixiehack]

I envy the civility and maturity that woman and her ex have.

 

[qtlaw]

Have been married 19 yrs, soon to be 20. I believe our marriage is strong is because we vent to each other and make a real effort to tell each other what's bother us rather than let things fester. Of course some things are held back for a bit but eventually they come out at the right time and its past and we move on. Most importantly, I know that my wife brings so much good to me and I am grateful for that.

IMHO, I believe you can think he's/she's "the one" but that's only part of the process, maybe even just a small part, the primary work comes from whether you value your marriage and remain committed to your vows. At least that's how I live it. I try to do everything I can to always remember why we fell in love and remember that I committed to her for life.

Of course, if you're miserable? Get out. My buddy is going through that now and it sucks to see him miserable.

My parents divorced when I was 4 or 5. My mom remarried shortly thereafter and they are now on the 40+ anniversary. M step-dad was/is a godsend and filled the vacuum nicely. So I believe in second marriages.

 

[LongTimeListener]

I know a few divorced couples that I'm sure they're still banging even though one/both is with someone else.

I'd put a high likelihood on that happening with the writer here.

 

[MisterCreosote]

I know a few divorced couples that I'm sure they're still banging even though one/both is with someone else.

Residual ass is in the Divorce Bill of Rights. Look it up.

 

[Vombatus]

Not sure if I should ask this, but I have heard a fair amount about the Catholic pre-marriage counseling classes. So, my question is: did that work well for you, or is it all bull****?

 

[dixiehack]

Residual ass is in the Divorce Bill of Rights. Look it up.

 

[Vombatus]

What about residual blowjobs?

 

[dixiehack]

For the sake of my kids, I hope she lives a happy, prosperous life. Otherwise she could disappear tomorrow and I wouldn't shed a tear.

 

[Vombatus]

My ex is on her fourth husband. I was #1. Stopped looking in the rearview mirror long ago, but I do wish her the best. Bipolar really sucks - wish I had understood it better 20 years ago.

 

[Evil ... Thy name is Orville Redenbacher!!]

Not sure if I should ask this, but I have heard a fair amount about the Catholic pre-marriage counseling classes. So, my question is: did that work well for you, or is it all bull****?

I got a lot of it. We did an Engaged Encounter weekend, And I highly recommend them to anyone - Catholic or heathen - considering marriage.
It addressed a lot of things a lot couples don't consider or think about. One session, a older couple discussed the loss of the only son and how they dealt with it as a couple - the death of a child can lead to divorce PDQ. The discussion of that was very moving. Powerful. Insightful. Hard.
Part of the pre-counseling is encouraging discussion between spouses, evening learning how to fight fair.
I don't know if it helps, but it can't hurt.
Some people are going to go into a disaster of marriage regardless. My sister - who's on hubby No. 3 - never did more than meet with the priest for an hour. One of my fraternity brothers married his longtime college girlfriend in spite of numerous instances of her cheating on him. Neither was catholic, and I have no idea if they did any counseling (I suspect they did not). He got divorced five years and $50,000 in debt later. He was young, stupid and immature (and kind of a ****), but I guess he felt it was time get married.

He remarried a few years later. I'm not a big fan of his second wife, but they seem happy and has two high school-age girls. And he's still kind of ****.

 

[RickStain]

I know a few divorced couples that I'm sure they're still banging even though one/both is with someone else.

Would not.