Teleconference hijinks

[Mighty_Wingman]

(I apologize in advance if this is too ridiculous for the dignified precincts of the journalism topics only board, but it didn't seem to fit in sports and news.)

I know it's a longshot, but please, please tell me someone around here was listening to the SEC women's basketball coaches teleconference. (Yes, I was. It's sad. Let's not beat a dead horse.)

Anyway, Arkansas women's coach Tom Collen was the victim of the most bizarre prank call I've ever heard: Two guys called into the teleconference, entered the question queue and lay in wait for the poor guy.

A heavily paraphrased transcription follows:

Asshole No. 1: Hey, coach, you ever **** your pants?

(long pause)

Collen: Umm...no.

(long pause)

Asshole No. 1: You've never **** your pants?

Collen: No.

Asshole No. 1: You sure? You've never touched cotton?

(long pause)

Collen: No.

Clearly overmatched teleconference moderator: I've disconnected him, coach. Sorry about that. We'll now go to (the next guy).

Asshole No. 2: Coach, do your players perform better when they're on their periods?

An appalled Collen: ...

Asshole No. 2: Or are they rusty?

(long pause)

Clearly overmatched moderator: I've hung up on him too.

(Shocked silence.)

Clearly overmatched moderator: Next up on the teleconference is Auburn coach Nell Fortner...

The whole thing was the damnedest thing I've ever seen.

 

[Bears00]

Wow. Just Wow.

 

[hockeybeat]

(I apologize in advance if this is too ridiculous for the dignified precincts of the journalism topics only board, but it didn't seem to fit in sports and news.)

I know it's a longshot, but please, please tell me someone around here was listening to the SEC women's basketball coaches teleconference. (Yes, I was. It's sad. Let's not beat a dead horse.)

Anyway, Arkansas women's coach Tom Collen was the victim of the most bizarre prank call I've ever heard: Two guys called into the teleconference, entered the question queue and lay in wait for the poor guy.

A heavily paraphrased transcription follows:

Asshole No. 1: Hey, coach, you ever **** your pants?

(long pause)

Collen: Umm...no.

(long pause)

Asshole No. 1: You've never **** your pants?

Collen: No.

Asshole No. 1: You sure? You've never touched cotton?

(long pause)

Collen: No.

Clearly overmatched teleconference moderator: I've disconnected him, coach. Sorry about that. We'll now go to (the next guy).

Asshole No. 2: Coach, do your players perform better when they're on their periods?

An appalled Collen: ...

Asshole No. 2: Or are they rusty?

(long pause)

Clearly overmatched moderator: I've hung up on him too.

(Shocked silence.)

Clearly overmatched moderator: Next up on the teleconference is Auburn coach Nell Fortner...

The whole thing was the damnedest thing I've ever seen.

The two brain surgeons had to announce who they were with, yes? I would hope that the SEC sends a strongly worded letter to these idiots' editor(s). And I hope they're fired for that stunt.

 

[Mighty_Wingman]

They used names and what sounded like newspapers, but I assume both were fake. Probably two college kids with too much time on their hands.

 

[Sly]

That's pretty damn hilarious. It's actually not all that uncommon for fans to get access to the teleconferences. About 10 years ago, I was listening to the SEC football teleconference and some "reporter" comes on with Steve Spurrier:

"Hey coach, just wondering how you're recovering from surgery?"

"Excuse me?"

"Didn't you have surgery over the summer?"

"No, I didn't have surgery."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Oh, OK, cause I heard there was a big ol' orange thing on your ass that needed to be removed .... (whoops, hollers) GO VOLS!!!"

I wish I still had that on tape.

 

[Armchair_QB]

We've had "Great Moments in Teleconferences" threads in the past and my favorite story is one about Bill Foster.

He's taking questions via cellphone while he's driving somewhere. All of a sudden he says "Gotta go boys" and hangs up. But before he hangs up another voice is clearly heard saying "License and registration please."

 

[playthrough]

I'm surprised this doesn't happen much more often.

 

[TheSportsPredictor]

Stupid anonymous message board posters teleconference reporters.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

I remember reading that some radio station did that to Spurrier awhile back.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

Targeting a women's hoops coach, and not Summit or Auriemma is really strange...

 

[You're With Me Leather]

I was on a call a few years ago that was an open line for everyone . But they didn't make that clear to everyone all the call. Halfway through, someone decided he needed to ****...

 

[Mizzougrad96]

I was on a call a few years ago that was an open line for everyone . But they didn't make that clear to everyone all the call. Halfway through, someone decided he needed to ****...

I've had that happen countless times... You're on a call and you hear someone peeing in the background...

 

[hankschu]

I'm not a big fan of these teleconferences to begin with, but we have them whenever the team I cover signs a player or makes a big move.

The team's flagship radio station is populated by morons, idiots and buffoons, who constantly will put the teleconference on hold, thus subjecting everyone on the teleconference to the live stream of their radio station, which plays whenever they hit the hold button. When the team made a huge signing last month, you could hear the biggest buffoon at the station screaming to someone on the other end of the line:

"They signed Joe Blow? Really? They gave how many years to Joe Blow?" All this while the team's GM and Joe Blow were on the line.

I'd love to get these morons banned from teleconferences, but like I said, they're the flagship station, and in fact own a small percentage of the team!

 

[Mizzougrad96]

Anybody with access to the media notes, many of which are posted online on sites that do not require passwords that anybody can get to...

The funniest part of this one is the target. Who wakes up in the morning and says, "Hey, let's get the women's hoops coach at Arkansas!"

On some level I can understand targeting a big name coach like Spurrier because of the attention the prank will get....

 

[lone star scribe]

We've had "Great Moments in Teleconferences" threads in the past and my favorite story is one about Bill Foster.

He's taking questions via cellphone while he's driving somewhere. All of a sudden he says "Gotta go boys" and hangs up. But before he hangs up another voice is clearly heard saying "License and registration please."

I gotta know. Which Bill Foster?

 

[Armchair_QB]

We've had "Great Moments in Teleconferences" threads in the past and my favorite story is one about Bill Foster.

He's taking questions via cellphone while he's driving somewhere. All of a sudden he says "Gotta go boys" and hangs up. But before he hangs up another voice is clearly heard saying "License and registration please."

I gotta know. Which Bill Foster?

I don't remember.

 

[Jeremy Goodwin]

If the coach admitted to ****ting his pants, would you report on it? Is this incident/prank worth reporting on in notes/ a teleconference report?

 

[Mizzougrad96]

If the coach admitted to ****ting his pants, would you report on it? Is this incident/prank worth reporting on in notes/ a teleconference report?

I'd put it in the notebook...

 

[Jeremy Goodwin]

I would too, but probably something short. When I was in college I'd listen to the Big 12 football teleconference. Every once and a while my last note from that story would be "quotable coach" or something like that, then I would transcribe a Mike Leach tangent. I would hope readers find that more interesting than an extra graph with typical coachspeak with fake praise for the team's next opponent.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

I want to see the desk that would let "You've never touched cotton?" through...