Slow golf revisted

[micropolitan guy]

1) The incessant need for every person to mark their ball on every green, no matter how far it is or no matter where it is in relation to the other balls. If it ain't in someone's way , leave it on the ground.

2) Groups that don't play ready golf -- if you are at your ball and ready to hit, hit, don't wait for Sergio junior in your group who is trying to find his ball in the woods to hit, keep moving forward.

3) People who write down the score while in the carts at the green -- as opposed to at the next tee.

4) People who feel the need to put their head cover back on their driver or putter after every time they use it.

5) People who decide to give putting lessons to their friend on the green after he misses a short putt......

This is incredible. I agree 100 percent with a Zag post! ;D

 

[Ben_Hecht]

1) The incessant need for every person to mark their ball on every green, no matter how far it is or no matter where it is in relation to the other balls. If it ain't in someone's way , leave it on the ground.

2) Groups that don't play ready golf -- if you are at your ball and ready to hit, hit, don't wait for Sergio junior in your group who is trying to find his ball in the woods to hit, keep moving forward.

3) People who write down the score while in the carts at the green -- as opposed to at the next tee.

4) People who feel the need to put their head cover back on their driver or putter after every time they use it.

5) People who decide to give putting lessons to their friend on the green after he misses a short putt......

This is incredible. I agree 100 percent with a Zag post! ;D

Common courtesy and common sense. Nothin' like it.

 

[zebracoy]

I don't want to know what Zag has to say about female golfers.

 

[bydesign77]

I played the other day on a muni. My buddy is a beginner, so we let a group through. With a 30 minute rain delay, we still played in under 4 hours.

The biggest offense is searching for lost balls. And that comes from lack of experience. Most people hit a bad shot and don't want to watch it. So they have no idea where it is. So they usually drive about 50 yards by where it is (cause they don't want to admit they not only suck but can't hit it over 150 yards) and proceed to waste 5 minutes looking for it.

The other offense is ****ing practice swings. It's something I worked on with my buddy this weekend. Take one max. I don't take any. Except around the green (putts and chips) where you have to get a feel for the speed and stuff. And I'm a ****ing 5 handicap. There's no need for practice swings on the tee and fairway. You're just going to **** yourself off when you make perfect swings and then slice the ball into the fairway.

Third is unrealistic expectations about your shots. Waiting until groups clear when you can't possibly hit it that far. I had a problem with a marshall a couple of weeks ago that was unusual. My brother and I were waiting for a Par 4 to clear the green before we teed off. The marshal didn't seem to understand that we both could drive the 330-yard hole. Now, I don't drive the ball 330, at least not normally, but we could take it over the water and cut about 60 yards off the shot. So I hit it. Over the green. Pissing the players on the green off. I then told the marshall to go apologize for me. But for the other 99 percent of you. ****ing hit.

The answer?

There is none. Not on public courses. They paid their 30 bucks like you did. And there isn't a club pro out there that's going to pull people off the course. Which is the only way to get the pace back up. I would love to see you have to have a low handicap for the preemo times and higher handicaps play the twilight times. But that won't happen either.

So my advice. Enjoy the round. Get some beer and smoke a cigar. On a weekend it's going to take 5 hours to play, no shakes about it. Especially on a public. Even a semi-private. No doubt on a muni. I've learned to play at a pace to fit in with the 5 hour rounds so not disrupt my rythym too much. Getting up someone's ass on the course isn't going to ****ing help.

 

[zagoshe]

I don't want to know what Zag has to say about female golfers.

I have no problem with any golfer -- so long as they keep moving forward.

 

[Birdscribe]

1) The incessant need for every person to mark their ball on every green, no matter how far it is or no matter where it is in relation to the other balls. If it ain't in someone's way , leave it on the ground.

2) Groups that don't play ready golf -- if you are at your ball and ready to hit, hit, don't wait for Sergio junior in your group who is trying to find his ball in the woods to hit, keep moving forward.

3) People who write down the score while in the carts at the green -- as opposed to at the next tee.

4) People who feel the need to put their head cover back on their driver or putter after every time they use it.

5) People who decide to give putting lessons to their friend on the green after he misses a short putt......

This is incredible. I agree 100 percent with a Zag post! ;D

Common courtesy and common sense. Nothin' like it.

Dead-on nails, every syllable.

One thing you all forgot, however, are the 20-handicap assclowns who feel the need to play the course from the tips, because they "want to see the entire course."

They will... and it will take them (and you, if you're unlucky enough to be behind them) 5 1/2 hours. Inexcusable.

One of the most enjoyable rounds I ever played came in Michigan. Played 18 holes on a beautiful summer morning in 2 hours, 50 minutes. And it wasn't like I was playing speed golf; I still shot 90, with a 42 back-nine.

I'm a 17 and unless it's an executive course that maxes out at around 6,000 yards, I'm playing the whites. There's no reason to torture myself or anyone else.

As I tell people, I may suck, but at least I suck fast. ;D

 

[playthrough]

Some of the blame has to go back on the courses. They pack the tee sheets, sending off groups on top of each other, then a ranger is nowhere to be found for five hours.

 

[Write-brained]

I haven't been golfing in ages, but I recall the polite thing to do was let a twosome play through if your foursome was moving slow - as ours typically did, made slower by the alcohol consumed.

 

[TwoGloves]

Waved at a ranger one time a couple years back trying to get him to come over so we could tell him the group in front of us had already hit about six shots each and were only about halfway down the fairway. These people shouldn't have been allowed on a putt-putt course. Ranger gave me a big smile, waved back and kept driving. They don't have the balls to confront people.

 

[WScribblySh]

A friend and I took our 8-year-olds out on the local crappy 9-hole course where 290 is the longest hole. We play ready golf and are teaching it to our kids, and part of etiquette is us moving to the side to let anyone approaching play through.

So on the 8th tee, we allow Joe and John College to play through. Joe hits first, but John is talking on his cell phone. Instead of putting the phone down for a sec and hitting, he stands there. And stands there. And stands there. "Uh-huh" is the only thing he says.

Finally, after a solid three minutes, my buddy's had enough. "Dude, unless you're doing confession with the Pope, hit the ball."

A minute later, he closes his phone and explains it was his boss and he couldn't tell him he was on the golf course.

 

[JR]

Joe hits first, but John is talking on his cell phone. Instead of putting the phone down for a sec and hitting, he stands there. And stands there. And stands there. "Uh-huh" is the only thing he says.

Finally, after a solid three minutes, my buddy's had enough. "Dude, unless you're doing confession with the Pope, hit the ball."

A minute later, he closes his phone and explains it was his boss and he couldn't tell him he was on the golf course.

Mercifully, some clubs (mostly private) ban cell phone use anywhere on the property: course, clubhouse, locker room.

I'm an absolute elitist when it comes to playing golf.

Learn the rules and golf course etiquette. Otherwise you come off as a hick from the sticks.

 

[Birdscribe]

Waved at a ranger one time a couple years back trying to get him to come over so we could tell him the group in front of us had already hit about six shots each and were only about halfway down the fairway. These people shouldn't have been allowed on a putt-putt course. Ranger gave me a big smile, waved back and kept driving. They don't have the balls to confront people.

Any course owned by those pigs at American Golf is a sure tipoff that marathon golf is in the offing. These guys will cram entire stadiums onto courses with no regard for the experience of those already wedged onto the course.

Once played an American Golf course in Pomona. Took us 3 1/2 hours to play 9 holes -- on a Friday morning, mind you. We got to the 15th hole and had to call it a day, because me and my cohort had to cover football games that night.

The marshals? Useless as tits on a tree.

Assclowns.

 

[JR]

Speaking of hackers, if you want to play the Old Course at St. Andrews you have to have a certain level of competence

I think the minimum is a 24 handicap for men and you have to provide a current handicap card.

 

[kleeda]

Speaking of hackers, if you want to play the Old Course at St. Andrews you have to have a certain level of competence

I think the minimum is a 24 handicap for men and you have to provide a current handicap card.

And I hope you still have to hire a caddy, too.

 

[JR]

I think caddies are optional.

My first job as a kid was a caddy at our local private club. Did it for about four years from the time I was 10 or 11.

If you wanted to go from a "B" caddy to an "A", you had to do a round for the club pro who was a miserable SOB.

I was never so nervous in my life and on about the third hole, a 400 something par four, he asked me to club him on his second shot.

Mercifully I was right but Jesus those 18 holes as a 12 year old were tougher than any job interview I ever had.

 

[BitterYoungMatador2]

Before I begin, allow me to post my golf credentials:

* - self-taught and have been playing since 1996 when I bought a set of Lynx irons and woods half-off from a Golf Digest Edwin Watts ad. So, with store bought clubs and a homemade swing I set out on an illustrious career of sucking ass and not coming anywhere near breaking 100 until 2004 when I shot a 97. Since then I average in the 90s.

* - I don't practice. Ever. Last time I checked I worked in journalism, which means money is limited. If I have $15 and my choices are range balls or 9 holes I take the nine every time. You can't learn golf on an astroturf mat tryin' to hit some poor smackoff in a ball-catching cart. But you can learn course management on an actual course.

So, this being said, I've spent a lot of time sucking on golf courses and occasionally holding people up. Best thing you can do is, I've found:

1.) Glance behind you on every green. If you have people on the fairway, waiting on your sucking ass, on more than two consecutive holes, waive 'em through. It's amazing to me how many people have NO IDEA that there are people behind them.

2.) If you suck, suck quickly. If you average three to four putts per green, bending down and looking at the green and plum-bobbing for three minutes isn't gonna' help you cut down on that. That ****'s for GOOD golfers, which you aren't. If its a long putt, look to lag it close for a tap in. Your chances of sinking a 30 footer or longer are minute. I repeat: YOUR CHANCES OF SINKING A 30 FOOTER ARE MINUTE. And if you do, it's not skill, you got lucky.

3.) Its a golf cart, not a limousine service. If you hit your ball in the right rough, and your buddy hit into the left rough, one of you take the cart and the other get out and actually....get this...WALK to your ball. Rather than play search and rescue on the left for five minutes, then do it again on the opposite side of the fairway.

 

[kleeda]

BYM2, you will never learn to hit a 6-iron on a golf course (channeling Lee Trevino). Hit the range every now and then and you'll get into the 80s.

 

[BitterYoungMatador2]

BYM2, you will never learn to hit a 6-iron on a golf course (channeling Lee Trevino). Hit the range every now and then and you'll get into the 80s.

Actually, I'm one of the few of my golfing friends that, not only keep a 3-iron in the bag, but can hit it effectively (like 180 yardsish). For whatever reason, that club always felt right in my hands.

Conversely, I played my first 18 of the year on Friday and didn't take the driver out once. Teed off with a 3-wood on par-4s and par-5s. That club and I have a sordid friendship. Some days we get along great. Other days I want to dump it in a lake. But my 3-wood? I can always rely on that club to give me a solid 200 yards (roughly) and put me at least near the fairway. And I've learned through over a decade of suck that I'd rather be 175 and straight than 200 and in the parking lot every day.

On yeah, if you're a suck golfer, play after 4 p.m. For starters, there's a discount at a lot of courses if you play in twilight. Additionally, most golfers tee up in the morning and afternoon and are home for dinner when you're arriving at the course. You can usually screw up and screw off as much as you like without irritating others.

 

[RedHotChiliPrepper]

I must admit, I'm a violator of many of the rules people have listed, but I can also play a round by myself in under three hours. I line up every putt like it is the masters because I'm spending my 30 or 40 bucks to try and improve every round and half-assing a 2 footer off the lip pisses me off far more than a duck hook OB. I replace my driver and putter cover every time I use them mainly because I spent 170 bucks on my putter and 250 on my driver and I'm not about to let them get scratched up.

But when it comes to etiquette and pace of play, I'm far more anal about that because I need to stay in a rhythm to play my best. When I play a round with my buddies who are both 120 golfers, I keep their suckiness moving at least. If it takes us more than 4:15 to play a round, to me that's unacceptable, even on the nicest of courses.

And for the record, I matched my best score yesterday with an 80. Have shot 80 6 times in the last 2 years but can't get to the 70s.

 

[playthrough]

I also blame GPS systems for slow play. You go to some of the joints with the fancy new computer monitors on the carts and every 20-handicapper now has to get his exact yardage from 204 yds out. Then they're keeping score on these things, reading the hole descriptions on every tee box (which often have a brilliant tip like "hit it straight!") -- pretty much doing everything that scorecards and sprinkler heads do fine in a fraction of the time.