The Big Ragu said:
heyabbott said:
franticscribe said:
heyabbott said:
Jill Hennessy, Carey Lowell, Angie Harmon, Elisabeth Röhm, Annie Parisse and Alana de la Garza.
Best looking lawyers in history.
Sam Waterson is taking all of them to Utah where he'll start a new series, Mormon Law.
Sam and his staff of 6 female ADAs, who happen to be his wives, enforce the laws of the LDS.
A cross between Big Love and L&O.
You do realize that the LDS church strictly prohibits polygamy?
But is it enforced? Jews are supposed to be strictly Kosher, but there's nothing like a Crab cake with some Prosciutto di Parma.
Yes, it is enforced. And illegal, aside from what the LDS church has said about the practice for the last century.
But that non sequitor "joke" you introduced out of the blue was pretty funny.
What other funny jokes can we come up with?
How about, "Now that Sam Waterston doesn't have the series, he is going to convert to Judaism, take his legal practice private, chase ambulances, cheat his clients and make a point of not tipping the waitress every episode. ****, the guy already has a huge nose, so the conversion can't be too difficult."
Funny stuff, eh?
Lighten up Ragu. It's only a message board. Besides, Jews are funny.
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that it is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.
There's big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
Why don't Jewish mothers drink? Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie? It's called, "Debbie Does Dishes."
What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position? Facing Tiffany's.
When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, "So did my arthritis."
A Jewish boy come home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful? What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "You go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
Where does the Jewish husband hide his money from his wife? Under the vacuum cleaner.
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother? Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go."
A Jewish telegram: "Start worrying. Details to follow."
I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no holidays.
- Henny Youngman
Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.
-Richard Lewis
My father never lived to see his dream come true of an all-Yiddish-speaking Canada.
- David Steinberg
Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So, for every ten Jews beating their breasts, God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast beaters. By the time I was five I knew I was that one.
- Mel Brooks
The time is at hand when the wearing of a prayer shawl and skullcap will not bar a man from the White House, unless, of course, the man is Jewish.
- Jules Farber
Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.
- Lenny Bruce
God, I know we are your chosen people, but couldn't you choose somebody else for a change?
- Shalom Aleichem
The remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
- Calvin Trillin
Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us 40 years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!
- Golda Meir
Even a secret agent can't lie to a Jewish mother.
- Peter Malkin
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
- Fran Lebowitz
My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
- Benjamin Disraeali
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
- Sam Levinson
Don't be humble; you are not that great.
- Golda Meir
God will pardon me. It's His business.
- Heinrich Heine
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in 14 days I had lost exactly two weeks.
- Joe E. Lewis
Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.
- Sam Goldwyn
A spoken contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
- Sam Goldwyn
Everybody likes a kidder but nobody loans him money
- Arthur Miller
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
- Jackie Mason
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
- Woody Allen
Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
- Groucho Marx
A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.
- Oscar Levant
Too bad that all the people who know how to run this country are busy driving taxis and cutting hair.
- George Burns
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
- Milton Berle
I don't want any yes-men around me I want everybody to tell me the truth, even if it costs them their jobs.
- Sam Goldwyn
Television is a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
- Ernie Kovacs
With the collapse of vaudeville, new talent has no place to stink.
- George Burns
When I bore people at a party, they think it is their fault.
- Henry Kissinger
