Retirement/relocation destination?

[SixToe]

I once took out a deer maybe 500 feet past the Welcome to Mississippi sign on a near-deserted US highway at night. My Toyota still ran, but it took a lot of peeling back metal and improvising with elastic cords to keep the sheet metal off the front left tire so I could limp home the next day.

I've been fortunate (knock on wood) with all of my late night rural driving to not have hit any deer. I've come close. Had one standing on the white line freeze as I went by, hoping it didn't move. Smaller critters, well, they're prolific breeders and I don't worry too much about them.

Weirdest thing was I had a red-tailed hawk fly into the side of my truck on a Tennessee highway. I saw it take off from a tree and it flew right into the truck.

Maybe it was swooping to snatch a rat or rabbit and died doing what it loved. /crossthread/

One night driving on Missisppi 7 between U.S. 72 and Holly Springs, a woman in a Mercedes in front of me hit a deer. It came from the left lane, she hit it with the right front and a shower of glass and whatever plastic bumper pieces flew everywhere. The deer spun in a 360 and hit the dirt. She never even tapped her brakes. Kept going as if nothing had happened. I don't know if she was drunk, scared on a dark road with a truck behind her or just didn't give a damn.

I turned around to see if the deer was in the road but it had crawled off into the brush. Not the only time I've seen one get clipped and keep going.

 

[John]

I nearly hit a deer almost every time I drive through my subdivision after dark. You have to crawl along to make sure you avoid them. There are about a dozen that regularly hang out in our front yard or across the street, and probably a few dozen more along the other streets - all while being less than a mile from multiple busy intersections. They weren't an issue 10-15 years ago. Crazy.

 

[BYH 2: Electric Boogaloo]

Appropriate timing with this threadjack. I was at a game recently when my wife called me. She doesn't usually call me at work so I got worried.

"I ran over a possum," she says.

Me to her: "Oh that's awful, I'm sorry, are you OK?"

Me to myself: That's ****ing all?

Turns out the little guy darted across the street as my wife turned on to our block. She never had a chance to hit the brakes and he never had a chance. She called the town when she got home to make sure it was, err, disposed of properly. I am glad my wife is so caring that she's shook up about running over a possum, but I'm not sure it's a call-me-at-work type of thing. Our daughter, who was in the back seat, definitely doesn't think so. She's been laughing and calling my wife the possum murderer ever since.

 

[Neutral Corner]

Not exactly a hitting a deer story but...

We made a run from Houston to Birmingham while we still lived in Houston, visiting the other grandparents. One of us had to work Christmas eve, so we took off mid afternoon and drove all night to get in for Christmas morning. We were northbound up the interstate somewhere in lower Alabama when I came up from behind a big flatbed truck at three in the morning. It was running with no lights on and there was a big pile of stuff on the bed. I'm like "What in hell is THAT?" As we got closer I saw that it was a good sized pile of dead deer with a couple of guys riding on top, back there to keep any from falling off the back.

Some good old boys had been out spotlighting deer and had a very productive night. If a cop had seen them they'd have been put under the jail. It was probably ten to twelve deer.

 

[Inky_Wretch]

Is your wife generally such a fast/illegal driver? :)

No! She’ll push 80 on the interstate but who doesn’t!?!

 

[TigerVols]

I hit a deer.
Actually, I hit a previously hit deer.
Actually, I hit a previously hit pregnant deer.
Actually, I hit a previously hit pregnant deer while I was racing down Highway 100 on a date while driving a cherry, 2-year old Fiat Spider, which was totaled. ****ing deer. And **** the cop who was on the side of the road dealing with the original driver and didn’t bother to move the carcass out of the road.

 

[BYH 2: Electric Boogaloo]

I hit a deer.
Actually, I hit a previously hit deer.
Actually, I hit a previously hit pregnant deer.
Actually, I hit a previously hit pregnant deer while I was racing down Highway 100 on a date while driving a cherry, 2-year old Fiat Spider, which was totaled. ****ing deer. And **** the cop who was on the side of the road dealing with the original driver and didn’t bother to move the carcass out of the road.

I have to tell you, this is an underwhelming Penthouse letter.

 

[TigerVols]

I have to tell you, this is an underwhelming Penthouse letter.

Well, I never thought it would happen to me.

 

[Starman]

Allstate needs to do a Mayhem commercial based on roadkill. Maybe have Mayhem run over a bunch of emus and geckos.

 

[micropolitan guy]

I have to tell you, this is an underwhelming Penthouse letter.

We're you driving to band camp?

 

[Gym Beam]

Is this the right place to confess I have a dozen lifetime Bambi kills on the roads? My brother was so impressed at one point that he bought me some Christmas reindeer stickers to use on my back window to commemorate each vehicular homicide.

 

[BYH 2: Electric Boogaloo]

We're you driving to band camp?

This one time, on my way to band camp, my girlfriend stuck a flute up her ***** and I was so stunned I ran over a possum.

 

[Jake from State Farm]

She's been laughing and calling my wife the possum murderer ever since.

As opposed to Granny Clampett, who beat out Mrs. Drysdsle for Possum Queen of Beverly Hills

 

[WriteThinking]

I hit a deer.
Actually, I hit a previously hit deer.
Actually, I hit a previously hit pregnant deer.
Actually, I hit a previously hit pregnant deer while I was racing down Highway 100 on a date while driving a cherry, 2-year old Fiat Spider, which was totaled. ****ing deer. And **** the cop who was on the side of the road dealing with the original driver and didn’t bother to move the carcass out of the road.

Wow. I can't imagine hitting a deer with a Fiat Spider, and not having it be totaled.

Don't feel bad, though. My dad's beloved Toyota truck was totaled, too, when he hit a deer en route to Lake Nacimiento in the Paso Robles/Atascadero area of central California back in the day.

He had driven that truck for 14 years and it had served my parents well, especially once they'd moved up there for 11 years in retirement.

 

[2muchcoffeeman]

As opposed to Granny Clampett, who beat out Mrs. Drysdsle for Possum Queen of Beverly Hills

At least Granny didn’t get run over by a reindeer.

 

[Shropshire Slasher]

A few years ago I had a very close call with a deer on I-30 in East Texas. I was in the left lane and a doe ran in from the median, crossed right in front of me, and the car in the right lane T-boned it. I managed to miss the aftermath but my car was covered with deer blood.

 

[dixiehack]

This one time, on my way to band camp, my girlfriend stuck a flute up her ***** and I was so stunned I ran over a possum.

As the dad of a high school flute player this is really not the thought I need in my head to start the weekend.

 

[Neutral Corner]

It's gotta be tough being the father of a teen girl when you know exactly how teen boys think.

 

[dixiehack]

I’ve taught her to kick them in the nuts. From there you can only pray.

(It helps she hasn’t started dating yet and has shown little interest in doing so.)

 

[BYH 2: Electric Boogaloo]

As the dad of a high school flute player this is really not the thought I need in my head to start the weekend.

To piggyback on @Neutral Corner's thought, my daughter is now 13 so I'll get my comeuppance for that comment soon enough. #TerrifiedGIFGoesHere