my chanukah party....

[shockey]

as i've noted previously, my family invades today for the second time since thanksgiving. mrs. shockey gets very, stressed over hosting these deals. my parents and other relatives are bringing virtually everything, from the jewish deli, wine, HUGE paper goods, desserts, etc.

my folks are incredibly helpful. but also a HUGE pain in the butt. we told EVERYONE to be here at 4. mrs. shockey, with her plate overloaded loaded with getting our three sons to various games, bar mitvahs and such, and with little to no cooperation from our three idiot sons -- i'm disabled and useless -- is a cleaning demon up to kickoff. that's her craziness, but that's how it is. much yelling and screaming at the boys ensues, right up until kickoff.

so what do my folks do? arrive at 3:05 to "help set up." we never asked for help. your invited at 4, show up at 4, dammit.

father of shockey: "could you send the boys out to help us bring in the stuff?"

me: "what the eff are you doing here? i told you 4!!"

father: "your mother wanted to help set up."

me: "eff that! get lost until 4!!"

father: "well, send out the boys to at least get the stuff."

AARRGGHH!!

mrs. shockey to me: "you couldn't tell me they were coming early?"

me: "i didn't effin' know!!"

WHAT A FREAKIN' CIRCUS!!

and i loooove the holidays. really, i do. but what are my parents thinking? this is all i'm going to hear about after everyone's gone.

 

[Fenian_Bastard]

Do we have Crossed Challahs Of Death a'bornin' here?

 

[shockey]

i'm now in the jewish equivalent mode of "bah, humbug." i have the eye of the jew.

now mrs. shockey's reprimanding me for telling my folks to get lost until 4. she says she could actually use their help. my dad, of course, cannot be reached to come back -- he NEVER has his cell phone on! he only puts it on when he needs to make a call. AARRGGHH!!

mrs. shockey: "i hope you weren't mean to them."

me: "i don't think i was too bad."

"what exactly did you say to them?"

"i don't remember. something like, WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU DOING HERE? ask them when they get here."

 

[Fenian_Bastard]

I didn't realize that the F-bomb, spoken loudly, was a Hanukkah tradition.
I like this holiday more and more.

 

[Songbird]

I didn't realize that the F-bomb, spoken loudly, was a Hanukkah tradition.

Then you must not have been within 5 miles of the Songbird home in the LBC in the 80s.

 

[shockey]

chanukah is like any other family-gathering holiday. eff bombs rule the day!! ;D ;D ;D

mrs. shockey is now delighting in telling the boys that "your father spoke meanly to your grandparents."

bring on the potatoe latkas and kasha varnishkas!

mrs. shockey, as she cleans up the downstairs bathroom yet again: "i hope you didn't upset them."

 

[Songbird]

I'll take 42 dozen latkes, please, shockey.

 

[21]

How I would love to contribute to this, but we are in the midst of LinZee's bat mitzvah day AND Hanukkah. So I send a shechianu (sp?) and a latke to my dear MOT shockey and his family, and ask him to repeat once again the story of how his family says goodbye and then takes an hour to leave. Makes me laugh every time.

 

[Giggity]

O.J. Simpson: Not a jew.

 

[Songbird]

So I send a shechianu (sp?) ...

Shehechiyanu, Vekiyimonu, Vehegionu, Laz-man Ha-zeh.

Brings a smile to my face.

 

[shockey]

21, my dear. i'll be happy to give a play-by-play after tonight's departure. in the meantime, mrs. shockey fears i scared off my folks. they're now seven minutes late after being 55 minutes early!!

i. can't. win.

p.s.: the 'rents returned at 4:10 -- fresh off a visit to dunkin' donuts to kill time.

let the eating begin!! i'll check back later....

 

[PaperDoll]

A rough translation for those who slept through Hebrew school (or never attended at all!)

Thank you G-d for creating us, sustaining us and enabling us to reach this day.

It's an all-purpose prayer that should be recited frequently. Or so said my childhood rabbi... when he was teaching rather than just getting me to proofread his speeches.

 

[Fenian_Bastard]

A rough translation for those who slept through Hebrew school (or never attended at all!)

Thank you G-d for creating us, sustaining us and enabling us to reach this day.

It's an all-purpose prayer that should be recited frequently. Or so said my childhood rabbi... when he was teaching rather than just getting me to proofread his speeches.

OK, that last part requires further explanation.

 

[21]

Hey, I read Torah today, I'm too drained to spell the words.

Boom is fascinated by the whole Torah thing, how you get one, how much they cost, etc. I think he is planning to start a synagogue.

So far we found out they run around 30 grand, and take about a year to write. So we need to get started.

 

[EStreetJoe]

Earlier in the week was a small family gathering for Hanukkah -- my wife, my mom, and my disabled brother. Did a small pizza dinner and gift exchange, no fancy party.

Tomorrow night is the fun Hanukkah party -- aptly named "Latke and Vodka" -- at the home of one of my wife's friends. Unfortunately it's close to a two hour drive and since I'll be doing the driving I can't partake of as much vodka as I'd like.

 

[EStreetJoe]

Hey, I read Torah today, I'm too drained to spell the words.

Boom is fascinated by the whole Torah thing, how you get one, how much they cost, etc. I think he is planning to start a synagogue.

So far we found out they run around 30 grand, and take about a year to write. So we need to get started.

I just had an alleyah today, didn't have to read torah.

 

[Songbird]

At my bar mitvah, when I was reading my torah portion, I was nervous and touched the torah with my index finger even though Rabbi Brown was guiding me along with his pointer (insert joke here). Anyhoo, under his breath when I'm reading he says, "Don't ever touch the torah again, Songbird." Tried not to giggle during my reading.

 

[Fenian_Bastard]

Hey, I read Torah today, I'm too drained to spell the words.

Boom is fascinated by the whole Torah thing, how you get one, how much they cost, etc. I think he is planning to start a synagogue.

Or, as is likely the case, a sinnogog.

 

[EStreetJoe]

Hey, I read Torah today, I'm too drained to spell the words.

Boom is fascinated by the whole Torah thing, how you get one, how much they cost, etc. I think he is planning to start a synagogue.

So far we found out they run around 30 grand, and take about a year to write. So we need to get started.

Depending on where you get the sofer (Torah scribe) you might be able to get it done for less than 30 grand. Some of the ones in NYC might work cheaper. It would cost 30 grand or more to hire one in Israel.
I know this because a synagogue in my town is doing a sefer torah project and the synagogue my wife works at is also doing one.

 

[EStreetJoe]

I got off easy at my bar mitzvah 25 years ago -- just had to read my haftorah, lead Friday night services and lead the preliminary service Saturday morning. I didn't have to read Torah or give a bar mitzvah speech.