Helping out my partner’s adult children

[lakefront]

Basically this vacation was scheduled and paid for a year ago before a lot of this started happening and we were in a much better place financially.

That’s all I’m going to say about now. So many things I’ve said here have been misinterpreted and latched on to when I don’t recall all the details exactly.

A classic example was the story of the Dodge Neon that I owned that had one major problem after another.

Someone on here asked how much the car cost and how much I was paying each month and the length of the loan. They ran the numbers nd found a ridiculously high interest rate. They latched onto it as evidence of how stupid or gullible I am.

The thing is, the interest rate the person came up with was much higher than the rate in the agreement I signed.
While I know car dealers have been known to lie and perhaps it would have behooved me to run the numbers to make sure they matched, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for a car dealer to misrepresent an interest rate in a contract and any dealership that did that would be shut down.

How did this happen? Turned out the total amount financed included transfer, taxes, title and GAP insurance and I forgot that when telling the person how much I paid and without the exact numbers in writing right in front of me I didn’t know. Of course maybe I should have been able to recall that number instantly off the top of my head and the fact that I couldn’t might explain some of my money problems.

Are roommates still an option these days? That might be a solution to your housing situation.

I think they are financial bullies and bullies only can do to you, what you let them do and when they are stood up to, they might stop. You have to make the first move.

 

[BurnsWhenIPee]

Not researching a book. I’m not creative enough to make up something like this.

You may not want to answer this, and probably don't want to know this, but again, when did the rest of the family know that they were going to lean on you for this $500?

Feels like there are 2 options:
1) They had no idea about it before the vacation started, and it came to them in some "oh ****" moment during the trip, then they had to sheepishly come to you for help
2) They (and almost surely your girlfriend) knew beforehand they didn't have the money they needed, but didn't want to miss out on the Disney fun, so they came together with this plan to basically force you to give them $500 on the trip, with the "Welcome to having a family" bull**** and bullying.

It *had* to be before the vacation even started, right? That's a pretty big "**** you" in your direction, and it clearly shows that your girlfriend's allegiance is with her daughter and boyfriend, and not with you.

I'm with lakefront on this one - at some point, it's on you for repeatedly caving in to whatever they demand of you.

 

[Songbird]

Therapy.

 

[SixToe]

It *had* to be before the vacation even started, right? That's a pretty big "**** you" in your direction, and it clearly shows that your girlfriend's allegiance is with her daughter and boyfriend, and not with you.

The GF's allegiance always will be with her daughter (and BF) as long as they can keep the money train rolling with guilt, shame, browbeating, bullying or other means.

 

[BurnsWhenIPee]

Thought of this randomly last weekend, and wondering how things are going, @Smallpotatoes . Any updates?

 

[Smallpotatoes]

Thought of this randomly last weekend, and wondering how things are going, @Smallpotatoes . Any updates?

It’s improving. The daughter and the boyfriend have split up. We’ve tried to help the boyfriend find suitable work but he hasn’t been willing to follow through with it. The daughter is working as a concierge at an apartment complex and moving in with roommates at the beginning of May. The bleeding has stopped. My girlfriend is looking into getting a medical coding job.
My last job review went well and I recently received a raise.
I haven’t really thought much about it lately, however, because tomorrow we’re going to take our dog to the vet for what is likely the final time.
The dog is 17. She’s lost a lot of weight despite being fed regularly. She stays up all night howling and getting stuck under furniture and going to the bathroom anywhere and everywhere. Has really bad itches and what look like seizures. OTH, she still has a lot of energy in spurts and is quite feisty.
When I called to make the appointment I told them I wasn’t really comfortable making the appointment. Even though I know it would end her pain, it still really bothers me to make that decision. They offered to put it in as a quality of life check, which I imagine would just be a formality at this point.
I was never a dog person before this. I didn’t hate them but didn’t feel strongly about them either. She was part of the deal when I started dating my girlfriend and over time she really grew on me. I’m really going to miss her.

 

[BurnsWhenIPee]

Oh ****, wouldn't wish that on anybody, sp.

Glad to hear the rest is improving, and sending you all the positive thoughts for what's coming up.

 

[OscarMadison]

@Smallpotatoes, it sounds like canine dementia. BTDT with a twenty-year-old Shih Tzu. It's painful, but you are doing the right thing. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Glad your home situation is improving.

 

[lakefront]

It’s improving. The daughter and the boyfriend have split up. We’ve tried to help the boyfriend find suitable work but he hasn’t been willing to follow through with it. The daughter is working as a concierge at an apartment complex and moving in with roommates at the beginning of May. The bleeding has stopped. My girlfriend is looking into getting a medical coding job.
My last job review went well and I recently received a raise.
I haven’t really thought much about it lately, however, because tomorrow we’re going to take our dog to the vet for what is likely the final time.
The dog is 17. She’s lost a lot of weight despite being fed regularly. She stays up all night howling and getting stuck under furniture and going to the bathroom anywhere and everywhere. Has really bad itches and what look like seizures. OTH, she still has a lot of energy in spurts and is quite feisty.
When I called to make the appointment I told them I wasn’t really comfortable making the appointment. Even though I know it would end her pain, it still really bothers me to make that decision. They offered to put it in as a quality of life check, which I imagine would just be a formality at this point.
I was never a dog person before this. I didn’t hate them but didn’t feel strongly about them either. She was part of the deal when I started dating my girlfriend and over time she really grew on me. I’m really going to miss her.

It's time. asap. It's the best thing you can do for her.

 

[Smallpotatoes]

@Smallpotatoes, it sounds like canine dementia. BTDT with a twenty-year-old Shih Tzu. It's painful, but you are doing the right thing. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Glad your home situation is improving.

Thank you. This is heartbreaking. Sometimes the dog seems normal. Other times not so much. It’s probably for the best but it doesn’t make it any easier.

 

[OscarMadison]

It does hurt and you will need whatever time you need to get through this. It's tough because they might have a good afternoon and then they get lost again. You love your little friend and you second guess yourself. At the same time, you're the one with opposable thumbs and discernment. They're depending on you.

Someone once asked Betty White why she continued to adopt dogs if they didn't live as long as people. She said that the joy and love they give outweighs the sorrow she feels when she has to say goodbye. This Franciscan (born October 4th) agrees that our lives are made richer with animal friends.

 

[Smallpotatoes]

It’s over now. We’ll have the urn with her ashes and lots of wonderful memories. The vet was very empathetic and while not being heavy handed at all about it did say she wasn’t going to get better and a natural death at home would be much worse than a peaceful one in the office. I wanted to stay in the room but I was just a wreck. In many ways it was worse than the loss of my parents, probably because in some ways she felt like a child of mine.
Also, in some ways the last week, with all the anticipation and second-guessing, felt worse than the aftermath, when the decision was already made. I’ll miss her. At this point I’d have to say I’d prefer not to get another dog. Neither my girlfriend or I are getting any younger. I’d know we’d do the best we can but the next dog would deserve more than good intentions.
This one is also a very hard act to follow.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

It’s over now. We’ll have the urn with her ashes and lots of wonderful memories. The vet was very empathetic and while not being heavy handed at all about it did say she wasn’t going to get better and a natural death at home would be much worse than a peaceful one in the office. I wanted to stay in the room but I was just a wreck. In many ways it was worse than the loss of my parents, probably because in some ways she felt like a child of mine.
Also, in some ways the last week, with all the anticipation and second-guessing, felt worse than the aftermath, when the decision was already made. I’ll miss her. At this point I’d have to say I’d prefer not to get another dog. Neither my girlfriend or I are getting any younger. I’d know we’d do the best we can but the next dog would deserve more than good intentions.
This one is also a very hard act to follow.

Damn, I’m sorry. I’m glad to hear other things in life are going well, though.

 

[Here me roar]

It’s over now. We’ll have the urn with her ashes and lots of wonderful memories. The vet was very empathetic and while not being heavy handed at all about it did say she wasn’t going to get better and a natural death at home would be much worse than a peaceful one in the office. I wanted to stay in the room but I was just a wreck. In many ways it was worse than the loss of my parents, probably because in some ways she felt like a child of mine.
Also, in some ways the last week, with all the anticipation and second-guessing, felt worse than the aftermath, when the decision was already made. I’ll miss her. At this point I’d have to say I’d prefer not to get another dog. Neither my girlfriend or I are getting any younger. I’d know we’d do the best we can but the next dog would deserve more than good intentions.
This one is also a very hard act to follow.

Take the time you need, but also be aware there are many senior dogs who make wonderful pets and need loving homes, and then you're not facing the 15-year or something commitment.

 

[DanielSimpsonDay]

It’s over now. We’ll have the urn with her ashes and lots of wonderful memories. The vet was very empathetic and while not being heavy handed at all about it did say she wasn’t going to get better and a natural death at home would be much worse than a peaceful one in the office. I wanted to stay in the room but I was just a wreck. In many ways it was worse than the loss of my parents, probably because in some ways she felt like a child of mine.
Also, in some ways the last week, with all the anticipation and second-guessing, felt worse than the aftermath, when the decision was already made. I’ll miss her. At this point I’d have to say I’d prefer not to get another dog. Neither my girlfriend or I are getting any younger. I’d know we’d do the best we can but the next dog would deserve more than good intentions.
This one is also a very hard act to follow.

You did great on her last day and all the others before it. It wouldn't hurt so much if it were otherwise.

 

[Smallpotatoes]

You did great on her last day and all the others before it. It wouldn't hurt so much if it were otherwise.

Yes, indeed. The fact that I felt so bad now means that she made me very happy.