Most bizarre song lyrics

[Chef]

Just look at these lyrics.

How goofy do you have to be, or just stoned out of your mind to write lyrics like these?

Wynona's got herself a big brown beaver
and she shows it off to all her friends.
One day, you know, that beaver tried to leave her,
So she caged him up with cyclone fence.
Along came Lou with the old baboon
And said "Recognize that smell?"
"Smells like seven layers,
That beaver eats Taco Bell."
Now Rex he was a Texan out of New Orleans
And he travelled with the carnival shows.
He ran bumper cars, sucked cheap cigars
And he candied up his nose.
He got wind of the big brown beaver
So he though he'd take himself a peek,
But the beaver was quick
And grabbed him by the kiwis.
Now he ain't pissed for a week.
(And a half!)
Now Wynona took her big brown beaver,
And she stuck him up in the air.
Said "I sure do love this big brown beaver
And I wish I did have a pair."
Now the beaver onces slept for seven days
And it gave us all an awful fright.
So I tickled his chin and I gave him a pinch
And the ******* tried to bite me.
Wynona loved her big brown beaver
And she stroked him all the time.
She pricked her finger one day and it
Occurred to her she might have a porcupine.

My favorite Primus song, bar none.

 

[YGBFKM]

I bought Les Claypool's new album recently, and that guy just gets weirder and weirder. "Shake Hands With Beef" and "Groundhogs Day" are my favorite Primus jams.

 

[Ronnie "Z-Man" Barzell]

Yes, you have met the dangerous 208 year-old uncle of Dr. Octagon!
I myself, Mr. Gerbik.
half-shark, half-man
skin like alligator, carrying a dead walrus.
check it.

With my white eyes, gray hair, face is sky-blue yellow
Sideburns react, my skin is colored lilac
My skin turn orange and green in the limousine
People think Im mixed with shark, drinking gasoline
Underwater I breathe with lizards on my sleeve
Walking down Hollywood Boulevard with a credit card
Three alligators behind me, feel my skin is hard
Transvestites, and people watch space parasites
I left his head in the store, legs in the street
Body in Wilcox, with blood dripping off my feet
LAPD through gray clouds couldnt see me
I first turned rainbow, closed my eyes, watch my brain glow
People got scared and ranned away they think Im weird
I was born this way, halfsharkalligator
Is he weird?

Chorus:
Half-shark-alligator-half-man
Half man, half shark!
Half-shark-alligator-half-man
Half man, half shark!

My vomit fluctuates, covers your skull like protoplasm
Lightning bugs turn pink, on my tongue catches spasms
Green elephants, I battle streets with a zebra
My mechanism is more than Dionne's psychic voodoo
African beads, snakeskins, cold script through you my medical passes
You cant see with greedy glasses
Carbon dioxide, pour right through em with gases
My description dinosaur
I was made half-shark-half-man, my skin is like razor blades
Seven-oh-seven, Mr. Gerbik
Verbally no one change my thoughts, animals fly from Philly
My appetites more big, its time for wildebeasts
Adjust my skulls, seven eyes switch hydraulic turtles
and shrimps, mack gorillas like a pimp
Half-shark-alligator-man

Chorus 2x


In my real world, orangutans dance for Thanksgiving
With skeleton bones and skunk tails, is my mission
Holding backward raps to all my power packs
Babboons clap, and girl horses wanna hit the sack
Were too bold for ocean water, monkeys sniffin ice
Contact Jupiter pools Martians bring my rice
Im out flyin with purple capes in the twilight
Oooh ooh ooh, tonights the night
My oxygen regions, New York to California
Half shark alligator half man!

Dr.Octagon - "halfsharkalligatorhalfman"

 

[Jesus_Muscatel]

Tryin' to pass for 18
is a tough thing to do
You can't make it at the disco
When you're 42
I'm lookin' for love
Every disco in town
My wig's gettin' shaky
My truss is slippin' down

My wig fell off!
Don't step on it, out on the floor
My pacemaker's busted
My poly-grip don't hold no more

These girls laugh
at my fishnet shirt
When they call me Grandpa
that really hurts
Looked in the mirror
Didn't look 42
All that shakin' and sweatin'
Must have come unglued.

My Wig Fell Off
Hand my toupee to me
I'm quittin' the disco
I'm almost 43.

Hey, look out buddy
Get off my wig
Oops I didn't realize
You was quite so big
Go ahead and keep it
Keep my mood ring too
Gimme back my dentures
Or I'll have to use kung fu ...

RIP Root Boy Slim (written with Ernie "Locker Room" Lancaster and "Rattlesnake Rattles," the late Bob Greenlee)

 

[spaceman]

Up on the hilltop where the vultures perch,
That's where I'm gonna build my church,
Ain't gonna be no priest, ain't gonna be no boss;
Just Charles Nelson Reilly nailed to a cross.

I don't ****, I don't ****, I'm gettin' no relief,
People shake their heads in disbelief.
GO!

Just me on a hilltop with 15 girls,
In a Nelson Reilly orgy that'll make your hair curl.
I don't ****, I don't ****, I'm gettin' no relief,
People shake their heads in disbelief.

Yeah, Charles Nelson Reilly, he's our man,
He can't heal the sick with the touch of his hand,
He can't walk on water, can't make wine flow;
Just another greedy actor on the late late show!

I don't ****, I don't ****, I'm gettin' no relief,
People shake their heads in disbelief.
GO!

Just me on a hilltop with 15 girls,
In a Nelson Reilly orgy that'll make your hair curl.
I don't ****, I don't ****, I'm gettin' no relief,
People shake their heads in disbelief.

"Serrated Edge," Dead Milkmen

 

[Bad Guy Zero]

Dead Milkmen immediately came to mind for me as well. But I was thinking of "The Badger Song":

Out in the woods
Up to no good
I wanna make friends with the badger

The woodchuck likes me
We smoke PCP
I wanna make friends with the badger
I mean it!
I wanna make friends with the badger
For real!
I wanna make friends with the
Wanna make friends with the
Wanna make friends with the badger

Get drunk with owls
Drop acid with cows
I wanna make friends with the badger

I'll stand on my head till I'm legally dead
I wanna make friends with the badger
From the heart
I wanna make friends with the badger
You know it
I wanna make friends with the
Wanna make friends with the
Wanna make friends with the badger

I wanna make friends with the badger [x2]

The badger's your friend!
Make friends with the badger!
[x4]
The badger's your friend!
I wanna make friends with the badger

Climbing the trees
Spreading disease
I wanna make friends with the badger
I wouldn't lie
I wanna make friends with the badger
He's my buddy
I wanna make friends with the
Wanna make friends with the
Wanna make friends with the badger

I wanna make friends with the badger [x2]

The badger's your friend!
Make friends with the badger!
[x3]
The badger's your friend!
Make love to the badger!
The badger's your friend!
I wanna make friends with the badger

Smoking the leaves
I do what I please
I wanna make friends with the badger (BlbBlbBlb)
I wanna make friends with the badger (AAAAHHHH!)
I wanna make friends with the
Wanna make friends with the
Wanna make friends with the badger

I wanna make friends with the badger

 

[Corky Ramirez up on 94th St.]

Pick a Steely Dan album. Any album.

Seriously, if you're on a long trip, pop in any song and try to figure out the lyrics. The only one I can possibly comprehend is "My Old School." Everything else is a let's-see-what-sentence-we-can-come-up-with-as-long-as-the-last-word-rhymes thing.

Still, I love it.

Anyway, here's my entry:

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of Dental Floss Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
I can sell uptown
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
For somebody else...
but then, on the other hand
I'd Keep the wax N' melt it down
Pluck some Floss N' swish it aroun'
I'd have me a crop
An' it'd be on top

(that's why I'M movin' to Montana)

Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon
(yes I am)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all Afternoon...
I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
He's a good hoss
Even though He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Any way I'm pluckin' the ol' Dennil Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big
An' ride him all along the border line
With a Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
But I'd be raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely Dental Floss
Well I might Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
And then I'd Get a cuppa cawfee
N' give my foot a push...
Just me 'n the pymgy pony
Over the Dennil Floss Bush
N' then I might just Jumb back on
An' ride Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana
Movin' to Montana soon

(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)

Movin' to Montana soon

 

[albert77]

Don't get much goofier than this:

That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes,
an aeroplane - Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn,
world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs.
Feed it off an aux speak,, grunt, no, strength,
The ladder starts to clatter with fear fight down height.
Wire in a fire, representing seven games, a government for hire and a combat site.
Left of west and coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck.
Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped.
Look at that low playing!
Fine, then.
Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it'll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right - right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o'clock - TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign towers.
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn.
Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting.
Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate.
Light a candle, light a votive. Step down, step down.
Watch your heel crush, crushed. Uh-oh, this means no fear cavalier.
Renegade steer clear! A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies.
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.
(I feel fine)

It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide. Mountains sit in a line
Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev. Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right.

It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine.

It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it. (It's time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (It's time I had some time alone) and I feel fine...

Great song regardless.

 

[YGBFKM]

Was wondering when Frank would make an appearance.

 

[Songbird]

"Then your friends will all go green for my lasagna." (Digsy's Dinner by Oasis)

 

[Jesus_Muscatel]

Just me 'n the pymgy pony
Over by the Dental Floss Bush

the absolute best, from Frank ....

 

[Chef]

You may have to be stoned out of your mind to fully appreciate them, but Pink Floyd has some bizarre-o lyrics as well.

 

[Trey Beamon]

Great Nick Lowe tune, even better line:

She was a winner. That became a doggie's dinner. She never meant that much to me. Whoa Poor Marie.

 

[BYH]

She's just 16 years old...leave her alone, they said

END OF SONG!!!!!

 

[tapintoamerica]

I love the friends I have gathered together on this thin raft
We have constructed pyramids in honor of our escaping
This is the land where the Pharaoh died

-- "Texas Radio and the Big Beat," by The Doors

 

[Songbird]

"all i wanted was a pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me." (institutionalized)

 

[mustangj17]

Chaccaron, Maccaron.

 

[EStreetJoe]

Debbie Gibson is pregnant with my two
headed love child
It's a bigfoot baby all covered in fur now
Stark raving naked in the fornication nation

We were secretly married out in Las Vegas
at a little bitty chapel,
Joan Collins married us
rootin tootin, ain't high falutin'

Rick Astley is a pantywaist, match my butt with his face
He's teeny tiny two inches of terror, they're all gonna
scare you
Hairbrained cockamamie knuckleheaded idjit galoot

No truth to the rumor about Spuds and Debbie G--
only went to the motel, just to watch a little TV
Hate that dog, he must die

Saxophone solo

T-T-T-T-T-Tiffany, is wrestling in jello
Body slamming Debbie G, they're covered head
to toe
hard on, my hard on

Repeat first verse

I'm stark raving naked in the fornication nation
Stark raving naked in the fornication nation
Stark raving naked in the fornication..........nation.......!!

 

[Songbird]

"i went to the doctor's office,
i said what have i got?
he said turn around, boy, and take this shot
i looked at him like he was crazy
and i said WHAT?!
ain't nobody stickin' nothin' in my butt!

 

[Huggy]

Debbie Gibson is pregnant with my two
headed love child
It's a bigfoot baby all covered in fur now
Stark raving naked in the fornication nation

We were secretly married out in Las Vegas
at a little bitty chapel,
Joan Collins married us
rootin tootin, ain't high falutin'

Rick Astley is a pantywaist, match my butt with his face
He's teeny tiny two inches of terror, they're all gonna
scare you
Hairbrained cockamamie knuckleheaded idjit galoot

No truth to the rumor about Spuds and Debbie G--
only went to the motel, just to watch a little TV
Hate that dog, he must die

Saxophone solo

T-T-T-T-T-Tiffany, is wrestling in jello
Body slamming Debbie G, they're covered head
to toe
h*** on, my h*** on

Repeat first verse

I'm stark raving naked in the fornication nation
Stark raving naked in the fornication nation
Stark raving naked in the fornication..........nation.......!!

Mojo Nixon is the ****ing man. Interviewed him once and he was a ****ing riot.