Massacree in Five Part Harmony (Thanksgiving 2022 thread)

[Regan MacNeil]

The smoked turkey was a total success. As was the entire meal.

 

[Flip Wilson]

We clearly are related. I poured a screwdriver this morning when the aged relatives started lamenting about the “Queer Marching Band” in the parade and how you can’t say anything anymore, lest you be labeled a racist.

Quite honestly, I like banishing them to the couch while I make all the sides in my well organized solitude in the kitchen. Nearly had to break out the boombox with Adele before noon.

New boyfriend is a saint who insisted on doing all of the dishes and helped me search for my cat when she had a violent escape when the friends’ tiny human started squalling. I am severely scratched.

At least whiskey is as good now as it ever was.

One glass of bourbon milk punch was good earlier. More glasses will be good tonight.

 

[OscarMadison]

We’re in NOLA for a few days. Started the day with some gumbo, crab cakes and a hurricane. Steady diet of bloodys at the track for an afternoon. Preservation Hall show, and some turkey and oyster dressing later.

Love Preservation Hall Jazz Band! I hope they were as good as they always are.

 

[swingline]

I didn’t have cereal. I had a turkey, roast beef and cheese sandwich fixed in my cast iron skillet. And one peanut butter cup.

 

[Flip Wilson]

Conservative mother-in-law was not pleased to share the dinner table with a member of the LGBTQ+ community. She didn’t say a word and is now in the den, alone, watching It’s a Wonderful Life.

 

[Shropshire Slasher]

Had to stay in town because of my work schedule, but got invited over for dinner by a co-worker, so it was good. Got to watch a football game and a half and made it home in time to catch the second half kickoff of Cowboys-Giants (while missing the Jonas Brothers).

 

[dixiehack]

Family Thanksgiving is at 1 Central Friday. Hijinks to follow.

 

[OscarMadison]

Family Thanksgiving is at 1 Central Friday. Hijinks to follow.

Keep us posted.

 

[dixiehack]

Did not have my mom saying “I’ve got pretty good junk in my trunk” on the bingo card this year.

 

[micropolitan guy]

We all started checking social media when the Jonas Brothers came on. Good work, Fox Sports.

The people I was with (and myself) had no idea who the guy in the open white shirt with the thick chest hair was, so he was dubbed "Harry Jonas."

We have a steady group of 10-12 that we have TG and Christmas dinner with. Luckily we are almost all dark-blue Democrats. Not a Trumper in the bunch.

 

[Flip Wilson]

We’re about 15 minutes into a one-sided conversation about Louis Vuitton purses. No one else in the room really cares, but she’s going on about her current and past LV purses and the one she hopes to acquire. She’s retired and on a really fixed income.

 

[dixiehack]

I don’t care if we are cousins. If you are under 35 and I only see you 2-3 times a year, have the decency to wear a name tag. Eighteen people and counting here. We need to sell programs.

 

[DanOregon]

Was on the Oregon Coast, great weather, smoked turkey, frozen pumpkin pie, my niece and nephew smoking out as we gathered around the firepit outside looking at the stars. Should have been a tourism ad.

 

[dixiehack]

Fourth wave has arrived, headed by my cousin who smokes and is a bandwagon UGA fan. A/C pumping on a 59-degree day. Now 28 and counting in a 3-bedroom single story house.

 

[micropolitan guy]

Fourth wave has arrived, headed by my cousin who smokes and is a bandwagon UGA fan. A/C pumping on a 59-degree day. Now 28 and counting in a 3-bedroom single story house.

Another couple hours, and a few more relatives, and they'll be fixin' to invade Pennsylvania.

 

[TigerVols]

Did not have my mom saying “I’ve got pretty good junk in my trunk” on the bingo card this year.

I’ve told her that for years.

 

[Wenders]

Told my mom point-blank that I didn't care if her and dad stupidly married someone they had only known for six months, that she needed to slow her damn roll and me and my new boyfriend were going to move at whatever pace we damned well pleased.

I then sent her and dad back to the hotel and made myself a hot toddy.

They will be departing for the 'Stan Sunday morning. It cannot come soon enough. It's amazing anyone in this family can nap, since no one will close their trap and enjoy the silence long enough to fall asleep.

At least there's sportsball all weekend long to entertain us and keep us off of the dangerous subjects.

 

[dixiehack]

Told my mom point-blank that I didn't care if her and dad stupidly married someone they had only known for six months, that she needed to slow her damn roll and me and my new boyfriend were going to move at whatever pace we damned well pleased.

I very intentionally left my plans at a vague “I’m meeting a friend from high school in town,” because I didn’t want to get people’s hopes up, especially mom’s. The only ones who thought to press the issue were my nieces, and they at least did it back in the bedroom where they were watching a movie with no one else around.

“What’s his name?”
“Uhh, Melanie.”

 

[User 149557]

“Oh, you’re 38 now. Everything with a carb or sugar or an ounce of fat or ounce of alcohol is going to hurt now. Oh, I'm stating this retroactively after you’ve already eaten all of it.” - my body

Not eating carbs for months and then trying to eat one meal with them is a mother****er.

 

[Flip Wilson]

Mrs. Flip and I slept until about 9 this morning. When we got up, her mom was packed up with suitcases in the car and her coat on. She couldn’t leave fast enough. I guess she’d had enough of LGBTQ+ teenagers, our cat, our filtered tap water which she said she couldn’t drink and whatever other made-up slights we’d shown her the past few days. There were no tears shed over her visit coming to an end.