Let's all laugh at Write-Brained

[amraeder]

We still joke about when my dad made "orange stuff." I can't even remember what it combined: cheese, ground beef, potatoes, probably a lot of other things. It didn't taste great the first day, but it wasn't terrible. But the funny part was the next day when he tried to heat the left overs up in the microwave. He started out nuking it for 10 minutes, then 20, then 30. In then end I think it went up to an hour (maybe just 45 min, it was a while ago) and it just didn't get warm. It was just in a medium-sized Tupperware so it's not like it was a giant vat of this gunk. For some reason though, it didn't reheat. At all.

 

[mustangj17]

My kid and I were hanging out together at home today after spending the morning out in the sun, so I got the crazy idea of baking cookies from scratch. My kid has been raised on the pre-packaged cookies and I thought it would be fun for the two of us to bake together.

I haven't baked in a while, but I always had a knack for it in high school, baking cakes and pies.

Boy, did I **** the cookies up. The batter was so soupy that when I put it in the oven, the "dough" spread out on the cookie sheet and was boiling within minutes. It was awful. I put in another cup of flour, but all it is is some damn sugary soup.

The kid was not very impressed.

I'm still trying to deduce what I did wrong. We didn't have a 1/4 cup so I had to guess on the measurements a bit. I think I put in too much butter. We didn't have sticks of butter, so I basically put in two cups of that margarine that comes in the gray tubs. I'm sure someone here can tell me why that didn't work.

My wife was rolling on the floor at work when I told her. The kid - my pride and joy, the apple of my eye - looks at me and tells me, "I told you, you put in too much butter."

Thanks, kid. Glad you have my back.

Can't laugh because I've been there.
Except for me it was bananas in rice crispy treats.
But I feel for ya WB.

Can't be as bad as the time my girlfriend made me banana pancakes. I have never looked at a banana or a pancake the same way.

 

[sportschick]

You can't cook with tub margarine, but you can cook with the stick margarine, although I've found that that makes stuff a bit runnier as well.

And WB, you've given your daughter a fantastic story to tell for the next 70 or so years, one that will make her, you and all your family giggle. Maybe you can't cook, but you sound like an awesome dad.

 

[slappy4428]

Wow. Thanks everyone for the support.

btw, the cookies look like rat droppings.

Cooking is easy; baking's an art.

I can cook, I don't bake even though my mother has some killer recipes. I farm the gingerbread out to one of Ms. Slappy's friends, usually in exchange for having her family over for dinner. Ms. Slappy gladly makes the sugar cookies and the chocolate/Mint frosted brownies... I cook.

 

[Football_Bat]

Real butter's the way to go — across the board.

Margarine (which was touted for years as healthier) is practically bristling with trans-fatty acids.

 

[Ben_Hecht]

Real butter's the way to go — across the board.

Margarine (which was touted for years as healthier) is practically bristling with trans-fatty acids.

Real butter will kill you, yes.

So will breathing, eventually.

If used responsibly, butter remains very, very special.

 

[crusoes]

Butter. It's not just for playtime.

 

[Write-brained]

Real butter's the way to go — across the board.

Margarine (which was touted for years as healthier) is practically bristling with trans-fatty acids.

Real butter will kill you, yes.

So will breathing, eventually.

If used responsibly, butter remains very, very special.

If you want responsibly, you don't want to see me sautee shrimp. Basically I put about 5 tablespoons of butter (maybe more) in a pan with garlic and salt. It's delicious. It's tempting not to drink the sauce out of the bowl.

 

[forever_town]

They say anything good in life is illegal, immoral or fattening.

That is all.

 

[imjustagirl]

They say anything good in life is illegal, immoral or fattening.

That is all.

At its best, it's all three.

 

[Chi City 81]

They say anything good in life is illegal, immoral or fattening.

That is all.

At its best, it's all three.

Like a scrambled condor egg?

 

[sportschick]

Like drinking too much absinth. . .

 

[mike311gd]

How ya doing, buddy?

 

[imjustagirl]

They say anything good in life is illegal, immoral or fattening.

That is all.

At its best, it's all three.

Like a scrambled condor egg?

You're morally against scrambled eggs?

 

[Chi City 81]

They say anything good in life is illegal, immoral or fattening.

That is all.

At its best, it's all three.

Like a scrambled condor egg?

You're morally against scrambled eggs?

If it's an endangered specie.

 

[imjustagirl]

I'm just trying to figure out where the immoral part comes in.

 

[Chi City 81]

*Sigh*

Never mind.

 

[imjustagirl]

(I'm just giving you ****)

 

[Chi City 81]

Hey, it was hard work coming up with something that was immoral and fattening. That's 30 seconds of my life I'll never get back. :( :-\

 

[imjustagirl]

Hey, it was hard work coming up with something that was immoral and fattening. That's 30 seconds of my life I'll never get back. :( :-\

I was thinking more like licking chocolate syrup off the chest of one's ex in a closed park at night.