Johnny plays hard

[Shoeless Joe]

You can't make this up. Here is an actual email we received this morning:


My name is Danielle and I'm a proud mother of Johnny. Johnny is on the football team for XXXXX middle school. He just told me to day that him and his team mates got screwed! I asked why ? They don't get to play in the championship games! The reason he got is becouse they didn't play big enough schools! Well that didn't make alot of since there is only 3 middle schools in XXXX county! The three is XXXX , XXXX and XXXX (*two of these were misspelled*). XXXX had already played XXXX, and were undefeted. These 6,7and 8th graders worked very hard and deserve th chance to go to championship games ! Can u help our little people the deserve to be herd! Well adleast keeping thier grades up was thier responceablity they done thier part this is a reward for them! They could have been in trouble , failing and not careing about anything! My son said what's the point of getting good grades , they will just crap on use again!

 

[Mizzougrad96]

Press delete and forget you ever read it.

 

[Shoeless Joe]

Oh yeah, after several rounds of laughter, it was properly filed because there isn't any response to something like that.

 

[Ben_Hecht]

"But Johnny picks his nose so fetchingly. He does it so well, I have hopes
he can become another Colin Cowherd."

 

[Mizzougrad96]

If your paper covers middle school sports, it's getting what it deserves.

 

[cyclingwriter]

If your paper covers middle school sports, it's getting what it deserves.

To put that in proper e-mail form
Get on wut used deserts

 

[murphyc]

Oh yeah, after several rounds of laughter, it was properly filed because there isn't any response to something like that.

How about sending her the address for Hooked on Phonics? She should get a complete refund.
Hoked on fonics didnt werk four here.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

Tell her that based on 50 percent of little Johnny's genes, he better study as hard as he plays.

 

[Steak Snabler]

"Well adleast keeping thier grades up was thier responceablity they done thier part this is a reward for them!"

That might be the most gloriously ill-constructed sentence in the history of the English language ...

 

[Cosmo]

Naw, this is:

Boytoys always hee-hawed at me and even men did in the federal john!
Well, now I hee-haw at them, because I took Me_ga. d_ik.
for 7 months and now my **** is excessively bigger than national.

 

[Steak Snabler]

Naw, this is:

Boytoys always hee-hawed at me and even men did in the federal john!
Well, now I hee-haw at them, because I took Me_ga. d_ik.
for 7 months and now my **** is excessively bigger than national.

That's more like a limerick.

 

[Mizzougrad96]

Jokes aside, this is what I would have sent back...

Dear Johnny's mom,

Thank you for taking the time to email me. I'm so glad that you've been impressed with the way your son has been playing football this season. I can't wait to cover him when he continues that success in high school.

Thanks for reading,

Shoeless Joe

 

[Journo13]

Just send the email back to her with all of the spelling mistakes highlighted.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

I just lost a couple minutes of my life reading that.

 

[HanSenSE]

and I was wondering why I saw parts of the sky on the ground when I drove to work yesterday. Now I know!

 

[steveu]

I couldn't get past the subject line. Tell the cheerleaders to take care of Johnny, OK?

(Seriously, I couldn't believe the letter. Then again, nothing surprises me these days.)

 

[bigbadeagle]

At least she didn't beg for coverage because Johnny needs the ecksposher to get a collidge skollership.

 

[Ace]

That's an unusual letter.

Usually the parents won't let on that they have a vested interest in the team or a player. They act like it's some huge story the paper is going to miss out on.

 

[geddymurphy]

I remember being lectured over the phone at one point that it was so typical of the liberal media not to send reporters to middle school lacrosse games.

If you're that "anti-liberal," wouldn't you think sending a reporter to cover one of the least interesting of the couple hundred scholastic sports events in the area would be exactly the kind of idiotic allocation of resources you'd expect from the "liberal media"?

 

[Ace]

I remember being lectured over the phone at one point that it was so typical of the liberal media not to send reporters to middle school lacrosse games.

If you're that "anti-liberal," wouldn't you think sending a reporter to cover one of the least interesting of the couple hundred scholastic sports events in the area would be exactly the kind of idiotic allocation of resources you'd expect from the "liberal media"?

You should have said that your coverage was fiscally conservative.