I need to get my 800 trash bags!

[MartinEnigmatica]

This morning I went to Sam's Club, forgetting in the process that it probably wouldn't open until 10. I arrived a shade under that hour, to crowd of about two dozen shoppers, all mulling about calmly, most of whom carried an AARP membership card in their wallets. I live in a pretty aging area, but for some reason this cracked me up.

I think the best was when the guy inside came to open the door. Their hopes and dreams, about to be realized, lifted the pounds of wrinkled facial flesh into smiles of anticipation. The sliding doors opened, sensing the arthritic movement of old bones stale with tacky marrow. Those bones carried the bodies into motion, into the rush for bulk food, clothing, and health supplies. Yet, all their motivation couldn't make it a true retail swarm, like Black Friday madness. It was the slowest pursuit I've ever seen, more a shuffling than anything else, a group of tortoises without a hare.

 

[alleyallen]

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

 

[Football_Bat]

This morning I went to Sam's Club, forgetting in the process that it probably wouldn't open until 10. I arrived a shade under that hour, to crowd of about two dozen shoppers, all mulling about calmly, most of whom carried an AARP membership card in their wallets. I live in a pretty aging area, but for some reason this cracked me up.

I think the best was when the guy inside came to open the door. Their hopes and dreams, about to be realized, lifted the pounds of wrinkled facial flesh into smiles of anticipation. The sliding doors opened, sensing the arthritic movement of old bones stale with tacky marrow. Those bones carried the bodies into motion, into the rush for bulk food, clothing, and health supplies. Yet, all their motivation couldn't make it a true retail swarm, like Black Friday madness. It was the slowest pursuit I've ever seen, more a shuffling than anything else, a group of tortoises without a hare.

Ya know .... a little underrated.

If this had a Bubbler byline, we'd be doing cartwheels.

Just saying.

 

[imjustagirl2]

Nope. Bubbler brings something to the table, like pop culture references or some 1780s painter.

This is "Wow, there's old people that shop at warehouses."

Duh.

 

[Blitz]

The board can get awful snide at times, this is par for the course.
Par de course, as it was described to a colleague once.
One day you'll be old, too, enigmatica, grasping for your own raison d'etre.

 

[MartinEnigmatica]

Hey, this wasn't supposed to be poignant or some big revelation. It just cracked me up, and I actually stood there laughing out loud at the sight of it.

 

[imjustagirl2]

No, I have no beef with the post. I just said it was a different style than Bubbler.

Hell, I've posted more stupid **** than anyone else on here (save maybe deep_background). Far be it for me to judge. I was just responding to the point above mine.

 

[slappy4428]

I liked the post...
But I go to Costco, where I fit in the right age demographic but don't really have enough zeroes in mhy annual gross income to shop...

 

[Football_Bat]

Nope. Bubbler brings something to the table, like pop culture references or some 1780s painter.

This is "Wow, there's old people that shop at warehouses."

Duh.

So?

Bubbler had not one but TWO classic Wal-Mart posts.

 

[imjustagirl2]

Yes. Including the aspects I mentioned. It's not like Bubbler said "Wow, Wal-Mart is weird" and left it at that.

It's all in the delivery.

 

[Ace]

MartinEnema's main problem is that Wal-Mart is funny. It's comedy gold.

Sam's Club, ehh. Not so much.

 

[alleyallen]

Yes. Including the aspects I mentioned. It's not like Bubbler said "Wow, Wal-Mart is weird" and left it at that.

It's all in the delivery.

Absolutely right, and that's what was missing in this story. Old people, creaking bones, Sam's Club. Maybe there's a funny joke in there but it's not emerging.

Like the comedian who asked, "What's the deal with toilet seats?"

 

[Ace]

Yes. Including the aspects I mentioned. It's not like Bubbler said "Wow, Wal-Mart is weird" and left it at that.

It's all in the delivery.

Absolutely right, and that's what was missing in this story. Old people, creaking bones, Sam's Club. Maybe there's a funny joke in there but it's not emerging.

Like the comedian who asked, "What's the deal with toilet seats?"

Comedy is timing, too. Martin posted at 11:04 a.m. That's too early to be funny.

 

[MartinEnigmatica]

This thorough deconstruction of humor protocol has me rethinking the post. I shouldn't have stopped where I did and/or found a greater point, though I probably would have forgotten it later on or lost the panache to completely overwrite the scene.
Chalk it up to a lesson learned.

 

[Point of Order]

Them's some good musings.

 

[wickedwritah]

Martin is a newbie, folks. Give him time to catch on to the SportsJournalists.com nuances.

 

[EStreetJoe]

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Fancy Feast breath like my cat gets or something else? :)

 

[Bubbler]

Nope. Bubbler brings something to the table, like pop culture references or some 1780s painter.

This is "Wow, there's old people that shop at warehouses."

Duh.

So?

Bubbler had not one but TWO classic Wal-Mart posts.

I did? I only remember one of them.

Martin, use more profanity for the sake of profanity. Usage of **** is not to be feared, **** is your friend.

 

[imjustagirl2]

This thorough deconstruction of humor protocol has me rethinking the post. I shouldn't have stopped where I did and/or found a greater point, though I probably would have forgotten it later on or lost the panache to completely overwrite the scene.
Chalk it up to a lesson learned.

No, no no no. You have it all wrong...forgetting your point midway through is perfect for SportsJournalists.com!

 

[Football_Bat]

Nope. Bubbler brings something to the table, like pop culture references or some 1780s painter.

This is "Wow, there's old people that shop at warehouses."

Duh.

So?

Bubbler had not one but TWO classic Wal-Mart posts.

I did? I only remember one of them.

Martin, use more profanity for the sake of profanity. Usage of **** is not to be feared, **** is your friend.

You had the blowjob thread and the Calvin's pissings thread.