I Just Spoke With Rex Ryan

[Armchair_QB]

"Hi, this is the original Washington Senators. Stop wearing our ****ing hats. You're embarrassing us."

 

[Boom_70]

"Hi this is Jim Bowden. While I'm no longer employed by the Washington Nationals, my ego told me that your life would be affirmed if you got a call from me, even if it was recorded.

"If you're lucky enough to be a Latino ballplayer, I'll gladly talk to you in person provided you give me a routing number for your bank account.

"Now ponder the magnitude of being talked to by me, live in my refracted glow, and remember I am innocent of all charges. Peace out."

Hi Jim this is the IRS we would like to conduct a full audit on your past 2 years income.

 

[dixiehack]

"Hi, this is Walgreens. Stop wearing our ****ing hats. You're embarrassing us."

Fixed.

 

[podunk press]

This is thread of the year material.

I've laughed out loud about six times.

Oh, and ...

"Hi, Moddy. I'm Lastings Milledge. Remember me, dawg? I'm calling on behalf of the Syracuse Chiefs, the AAA affiliate of the Nationals. We were hoping to interest you in a summer vacation in New York. While here, you can check on the progress of all the Nationals flameouts (Collin Balester is here with me, bro). Plus, we'll promise you'll get to see underwhelming retread Josh Towers and his unhittable 87 mph fastball start a game if you reserve now. I'm hoping I see you again soon. Feel free to say hi. I'm currently on the seven-day disabled list. I'm easy to pick out. I'm the dude who doesn't hustle. Ever."

 

[slappy4428]

"This is Adam Dunn, left fielder from the Washington Nationals. While I recorded this, I took strike three looking. Next time you're in D.C. and you see me strike out or butcher my left field duties, tell 'em the Big Donkey sent ya!"

Big Donkey... I laughed out loud at that

 

[Det. Jimmy McNulty]

"This is Adam Dunn, left fielder from the Washington Nationals. While I recorded this, I took strike three looking. Next time you're in D.C. and you see me strike out or butcher my left field duties, tell 'em the Big Donkey sent ya!"

That third strike during Randy Johnson's 300th win was ****ing bull****. I was there, behind the third base dugout, eight rows up. I don't blame him. Biggest horse****, it's raining, it's somewhat cold, veteran hall of famer going for milestone, first game of double header, i don't want to be working until 3 am, call by an umpire I've ever seen (and I'm a ****ing umpire).

 

[Moderator1]

I was there, a little higher than you, and I agree it was horse****.
A lot of his other called thirds are not.
"Hi, this iis Adam. Come out and watch the game. I do - even when I'm playing in it."

Don't mess with Lastings. He is The Queen's favorite player. She will hurt you.

 

[Huggy]

Josh Towers is with the Nats' AAA team (in the 'Cuse where the Jays had their affiliate for years)? Holy ****, you think they would have learned thier lesson after bringing in Gustavo Chacin.

 

[Bubbler]

"This is Adam Dunn, left fielder from the Washington Nationals. While I recorded this, I took strike three looking. Next time you're in D.C. and you see me strike out or butcher my left field duties, tell 'em the Big Donkey sent ya!"

That third strike during Randy Johnson's 300th win was ****ing bull****. I was there, behind the third base dugout, eight rows up. I don't blame him. Biggest horse****, it's raining, it's somewhat cold, veteran hall of famer going for milestone, first game of double header, i don't want to be working until 3 am, call by an umpire I've ever seen (and I'm a ****ing umpire).

Maybe so, but that doesn't excuse Dunn's other 1,000,000 called third strike K's.

Thank God for Baseball Reference. I looked up Dunn's strikeout looking percentage, he's consistently been near 10 percent above league average in recent years. He has struck out looking 35 percent of the time this season. League average for his career is 26 percent.

You figure Dunn is good for 160 strikeouts a season, so 56 of them will be looking. By point of comparison, Ryan Howard has struck out looking 11 percent of the time this year and is at 21 percent for his career, five percent below league average.

I can live with swinging strikeouts from sluggers. If you're a slugger, you better get your bat off your shoulders. Dunn doesn't and it's a big reason why he's made of massive fail.

 

[Boom_70]

Just got another call from Coach Ryan. He needs me this coming weekend to be at my best against the Pats.