Bubbler
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2004
- Messages
- 26,718
Golf has never been my thing. I never played it as a kid, I never even walked a course until I was a senior in high school. It just wasn't a part of what my family did when I was a kid.
However, I had a brief nexus of golf playing in the late 80s/early 90s when my friends played and when my dad started to get into it. I'd play with both, no more than weekend warrioring, it wasn't an obsession or anything.
I totally, utterly sucked, but got passably bad at it as time went on. However, my temperament in those days was notoriously bad, and golf brought out the absolute worst in me. I made Happy Gilmore look like he was zoned out on Methadone, I was completely out of control, smashing stryofoam cups with my clubs, yelling at the people I played with, I'd just lose my mind.
Combined with the fact I sucked, my temper, allergy issues that killed me when I played, and well, general laziness, I last played a round in the early 90s. For most of that time, I didn't have any desire to play. Once in a blue moon, I'd get the urge when I covered golf, but it would quickly go away.
For whatever reason, I've had the urge to play lately, knowing full well that I would suck probably 100 times more than I ever did. But I am a bit calmer than I once was, so I figured why not?
I had a 20-year-old (at least) bag of clubs in my garage, which I literally dusted and cleaned off, tossed them in my car and headed to a driving range. I took my kids in an effort to introduce them to something new.
I got a bucket of 60 balls. Using various clubs, my guess is that I hit maybe five of them straight, none of them in the way they were intended to be hit with the various clubs I had.
Facing south, I'd say at least half of my shots headed due southeast or southwest, some even east-by-southeast, and a few definitely due west. I drilled the windshield of the ball cart with a blistering shot from a 3-wood, unfortunately, he was at a 25 degree angle from where I was shooting.
I was a complete and utter golf retard. I couldn't remember how to properly grip the clubs, the proper stance for the various clubs ... other than bare bones basics. I couldn't remember what motion I needed to use on my swing, it was shamtastic.
The only things I remembered was to keep my eye on the ball, which I was successful at doing maybe 20 percent of the time. Don't overswing, which I utterly did not do. And some nugget from that Harvey Penick book that you should swing the club like its a bucket of water. Well, **** you Harvey, I tried that, and I threw the God damn bucket further than I hit the ball.
My kids were giggling, not knowing that they were tempting fate by bringing out my potential temper, but other than a glare once, I kept it under control. At least my putting was somewhat acceptable on the putting green.
Suck to the seventh level of suck hell though I did, I am undaunted. I want to play this game and do it right. I humbly submit to any suggestions before I kill someone at a par-3 course.
However, I had a brief nexus of golf playing in the late 80s/early 90s when my friends played and when my dad started to get into it. I'd play with both, no more than weekend warrioring, it wasn't an obsession or anything.
I totally, utterly sucked, but got passably bad at it as time went on. However, my temperament in those days was notoriously bad, and golf brought out the absolute worst in me. I made Happy Gilmore look like he was zoned out on Methadone, I was completely out of control, smashing stryofoam cups with my clubs, yelling at the people I played with, I'd just lose my mind.
Combined with the fact I sucked, my temper, allergy issues that killed me when I played, and well, general laziness, I last played a round in the early 90s. For most of that time, I didn't have any desire to play. Once in a blue moon, I'd get the urge when I covered golf, but it would quickly go away.
For whatever reason, I've had the urge to play lately, knowing full well that I would suck probably 100 times more than I ever did. But I am a bit calmer than I once was, so I figured why not?
I had a 20-year-old (at least) bag of clubs in my garage, which I literally dusted and cleaned off, tossed them in my car and headed to a driving range. I took my kids in an effort to introduce them to something new.
I got a bucket of 60 balls. Using various clubs, my guess is that I hit maybe five of them straight, none of them in the way they were intended to be hit with the various clubs I had.
Facing south, I'd say at least half of my shots headed due southeast or southwest, some even east-by-southeast, and a few definitely due west. I drilled the windshield of the ball cart with a blistering shot from a 3-wood, unfortunately, he was at a 25 degree angle from where I was shooting.
I was a complete and utter golf retard. I couldn't remember how to properly grip the clubs, the proper stance for the various clubs ... other than bare bones basics. I couldn't remember what motion I needed to use on my swing, it was shamtastic.
The only things I remembered was to keep my eye on the ball, which I was successful at doing maybe 20 percent of the time. Don't overswing, which I utterly did not do. And some nugget from that Harvey Penick book that you should swing the club like its a bucket of water. Well, **** you Harvey, I tried that, and I threw the God damn bucket further than I hit the ball.
My kids were giggling, not knowing that they were tempting fate by bringing out my potential temper, but other than a glare once, I kept it under control. At least my putting was somewhat acceptable on the putting green.
Suck to the seventh level of suck hell though I did, I am undaunted. I want to play this game and do it right. I humbly submit to any suggestions before I kill someone at a par-3 course.
![Pampers Sensitive Baby Wipes, Clinically Proven, Fragrance Free, Unscented, Water Based, Hypoallergenic, Multi-Use, Hand Wipes 336 Wipes Total (6X Flip-Top Packs) [Packaging May Vary]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41KLBHu9CAL._SL500_.jpg)
