Hasselhoff roast on NOW

[mb]

here we go

 

[mb]

" ... but David is MORE than just a terrible actor."

 

[mb]

Listen ... Hulk ... it's the sound of a 19-year-old's balls hitting your ex-wife's chin.

 

[BYH]

"Hey look, it's Pam Anderson's tits."

"I'm not saying Hasselhoff is a disaster, but an oil-covered pelican just flew out of your ass."

 

[BYH]

"The only difference between Hasselhoff and Hitler is Hitler knew when his career was over."

 

[Piotr Rasputin]

It certainly has been a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man . . . who does not exist.

 

[YGBFKM]

"The only difference between Hasselhoff and Hitler is Hitler knew when his career was over."

Should have saved this one for the Mel Gibson roast.

 

[BYH]

"Hulk's daughter Brooke has blossomed into a fine young man."

 

[BYH]

Holy **** Whitney Cummings is HILARIOUS.

"Pam Anderson, you've had sex with Bret Michaels, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock. Why don't you just go ahead and drink a vial of Magic Johnson's blood."

"Hulk, everything I just said about Pam, it also applies to your daughter."

 

[slappy4428]

He had an important job on Baywatch... his job was to kill boners...

 

[slappy4428]

And Seth McFarlane is killing...

 

[slappy4428]

Her vagina is like Clorox 2... safe for whites, but really made for colored...

 

[BYH]

It gets far funnier.

I figured this thread would be at three pages by now. Where art thou, SJ Nation?

 

[slappy4428]

I stopped working on tab stories to watch the replay...
Lampinelli was really good ---usually it's OK...

 

[John]

I don't know why but I'm just not a roast guy.

I guess it's because too often on these things the roastee has no idea who half the people roasting him are -- unless he's seen the same guys (Ross, Giraldo, etc.) roasting other people they don't know.

 

[schiezainc]

Just finished watching the replay. Not bad. Not great but not bad.

Again, it comes down to the selection of who's going to be roasted. David Hasselhoff? I could see having him be one of the roasters, and as such get joked on himself, but an entire hour of Hoff jokes? Meh.

Loved Lampanelli, as usual, and thought Cummings was surprisingly good (She got better towards the end of her set). Godfried is funny in bits and pieces but I've seen him do a better job and I couldn't stop wanting to throw up long enough to hear if Ross was any good (Really, Jeff, a speedo?)

Overall, not a bad show and definitely some amazing one-liners (The above-quoted Magic Johnson dig at Pam Anderson slayed me) but nothing special.

I miss Norm.

 

[apeman33]

"David Hasselhoff walks into a bar. First thing in the morning. And stays until it closes."

"When alcohol fills out its tax return, it lists Hasselhoff as a dependent."

"...Lisa said she had knots in all four of her stomachs."

"Oh, wait, when they roasted me, I was still relevant." <-Pam Anderson.

 

[Petrie]

Holy **** Whitney Cummings is HILARIOUS.

"Pam Anderson, you've had sex with Bret Michaels, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock. Why don't you just go ahead and drink a vial of Magic Johnson's blood."

"Hulk, everything I just said about Pam, it also applies to your daughter."

I thought the exact same thing. I have no clue who she is but, damn, she's good.

 

[Gutter]

Gilbert:

"Lisa Lampanelli has an important role in African American history. The last black man to pick cotton was pulling out her tampon."

 

[HC]

"I ordered your CD on Amazon and it said people who bought this album also bought a shotgun."