DUI

[Dick Whitman]

Well, this weekend, for the first and last time in my life, I got to experience the joy of getting handcuffs placed on me and spending a night in a jail cell.

I guess this is how you're supposed to feel, but I'm profoundly, profoundly affected. Traumatized. To the point that I might eventually need to get some professional help. Not for drinking. I don't have a drinking problem. Not even close. I was actually at a close relative's house, trying a couple of craft/microbrews while watching the Nationwide NASCAR race. Just the two of us. I'm not mitigating the crime. Just giving some context. I'm on the other side of 30, with a family (this makes it worse in some ways). I don't go to bars. I don't chase skirts. I drink a beer when I grill maybe, or a glass of wine with Italian food.

Anyway, I just am having a difficult time dealing with the shame of this. I know how harshly a lot of people judge drinking and driving in our society, and rightfully so. I just wish they would judge the act and not the person. I found a "Yahoo Answers" thread on it, and this is typical of the responses:

"Because they are stupid and have less than no regard for human life. I think that the better question is, why aren't laws tougher for the idiotic scum that are caught drinking and driving."

At this moment, that's what I feel I am, and it has shaken me to my core. It feels like there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who would get behind the wheel after drinking. And those who wouldn't. And now I'm one of the former, and I feel like it is going to define me forever, no matter what else I might do in my life to display my character.

Anyway ... I'm wondering if anyone else here has ever gone through a DUI arrest and how you dealt with the psychological aftermath? And if you ever started to feel better about yourself again?

If we can mostly avoid the lectures about what a careless and idiotic person I am who has no regard for human life, that would be great. Then again, I guess if that's how you feel, have at it. Maybe it is therapy for me to at least have an accurate gauge of what people think about me now, and how far away redemption is - if it's in reach at all.

P.S. Sorry for the long post.

 

[Moderator1]

I'll save the lecture because I could go on and on and on (short version - don't drive if you have ONE drop and this won't happen).
Short version: Change your phone numbers. Now. Because when M.A.D.D. gets them, you'll get zero rest. They're very organized. They'll call every hour on the hour throughout the night. For days and days and days and days and days on end.

I'm very anti-drunk driving but they're over the top.

 

[Songbird]

At least you didn't kill or maim anyone. My only advice is to experience the entire range of emotions to the fullest, deal with the consequences, and then move on.

 

[Moderator1]

Well, you're not a bad person (I don't think, I sure as hell don't know). But you did do a bad thing. Deal with it, try to move on. Sounds like you've learned something, which is good.

Don't think I'm ****ing around on those phone numbers. A friend of mine has a story similar to yours. Far from a drunk, made a mistake about the same way you did. They didn't stop calling for MONTHS.

 

[Chef]

Father's Day Eve; 1999

I'm single, making 50,000 a year, have had a brand new 1999 Mustang for about a month and loving everything about life.

8 of us decide to go to a local club in 2 separate cars. We close down the bar, leaving to go to another party around 2 am.

I'm following another car, as I'm not sure where this other house is.

I'm way past drunk.

Have no business driving.

We leave, the other car lost us, so in my drunken stupor, I think to myself....."Hey......maybe they're back at the bar"

Uh.....stupid.....bar's been closed an hour.

On the way out of the parking lot, there was a spot of gravel......I hit the accelerator....peel out.

Cop sees it.

Aw, ****.

Officer Barbrady comes up......."Mr. Chef, you been drinking tonight?"

Chef; "I've had a couple"

Keep in mind, at this point, I'm about 8 blocks from my apartment.......

Officer Poncharelli; "Where you on your way to?"

Chef; "To a party"

Aw **** again.

To make a short story long, got a diversion, officer screwed up the paperwork, record clean.

Did it change my life forever?

No.

It was a stupid mistake. One that countless millions of people have made. Do not let it dictate who you are, or what you do.

You are human.

You made a mistake.

Nobody was hurt.

You will be fine.

You will be fine.

 

[RickStain]

Be careful beating yourself up too much. It's good to appreciate the gravity, but it's also important not to overdo it and lead to even more negative consequences.

All you can do is draw a line in the sand. You never thought you'd be a guy who did it. Now you have to be a guy who will never do it again.

 

[Moderator1]

It was a stupid mistake. One that countless millions of people have made.

Sorry Chef. Don't mean to be jumping your ass. If **** had used that line, my response may have been different.
Worst line ever.
Doesn't mitigate it at all. Not one iota.
If that is a rationale used to make one feel better, well, it is a very weak one.

 

[Chef]

It was a stupid mistake. One that countless millions of people have made.

Sorry Chef. Don't mean to be jumping your ass. If **** had used that line, my response may have been different.
Worst line ever.
Doesn't mitigate it at all. Not one iota.
If that is a rationale used to make one feel better, well, it is a very weak one.

What I did was a mistake.

10 years ago.

I've moved on with it.

Did I learn my lesson?

Yes.

Will I do it again?

No.

 

[kingcreole]

I'm not going to throw stones in a glass house here ****. You're not a bad a person. The only difference between you and I is I have never been caught. But your story is an eye-opener for sure, not only for you, but for me. I read every word and thought how that could be me one day if I'm not careful.

 

[Moderator1]

OK, gang, listen closely: Here's how to make sure it does NOT happen to you.

If you drink ONE drop, do not drive. Period. If that isn't practical, well, don't drink.

Take a cab. Appoint a DD (a reliable one). Do something. Just don't drive.

If you are in a position where there's no choice but to drive, don't drink. At all. Not a drop.

 

[Cosmo]

****, I echo the "don't beat yourself up too much" sentiments. You sound like you have a proper level of remorse for what happened, and you're not trying to make excuses. That's a positive step. I've been there (eight years ago to the month). It sucks. I beat myself up for days upon days and it did me no good. A mistake was made. A lesson was learned. As long as you better yourself as a person through this experience, you'll be fine.

(Note: Never did get any calls from MADD.)

 

[Pancamo]

Its wrong but Chef is right. Don't beat yourself up but learn from the episode. To me it is no different than the guy who drives 90 in a 55. Reckless, irresponsible and deadly but nobody crucifies speedracer.

I never drive even after one beer and I don't get in a car with someone else who has been drinking. The cost of a cab is lot cheaper in the long run when you factor insurance as well as the court costs.

 

[RickStain]

Its wrong but Chef is right. Don't beat yourself up but learn from the episode. To me it is no different than the guy who drives 90 in a 55. Reckless, irresponsible and deadly but nobody crucifies speedracer.

I totally, totally do.

 

[Baron Scicluna]

And whatever you do, ****, just be glad that no one got hurt, or worse.

Eventually, you can look back at this as a lesson learned, instead of hating yourself for the rest of your life because you ruined someone else's.

 

[PeteyPirate]

It was March of 1997 for me. Thankfully nobody got hurt. I moved on, and so will you.

 

[shockey]

i'm a big no-drink, no-drive person -- at least i think i am. so is the mrs. so, too, is the way our sons are being raised. eldest shockey, 19, is home from his freshman year at college. do we understand he has an occasional brewski? sure.

heck, since he's been home he's had a couple of nights where he's been at a friend's with many others where beer was consumed. at least twice, he's played the role of mule, buying a couple of six-packs at a deli close to town. he's dropped them off at the friend's house, driven home to leave his car in the driveway, then had another bud drive him back to the party. i find that very responsible and i'm kind of proud of him. sure, i'd prefer he not drink at all, but c'mon, that's not keepin' it real. all you can hope for is responsibility.

that said, the mrs. and i went to dinner last night with another couple. restaurant less than a mile from home. the mrs. does all the driving due to my limitations. i do not drink. she had two glasses of pinot in the first hour of our three-hour event. not a drop in the final two, during which she enjoyed a full meal.

she drove us all back to our house afterward. no prob. but i have zero idea if she would've blown a breathalizer if, for whatever reason, we were stopped on the .8-.9 of a mile drive home. so i guess my question for all SportsJournalists.comer's is: did we act irresponsibly?

i do not drink. period. and believe me, if i thought she was impaired in any way she would not have been behind the wheel.

thoughts? ??? ??? ???

 

[imjustagirl]

One glass of wine should be out of your system in an hour. Two glasses early, then a full meal and two hours of waiting? My uneducated guess was that it was out of her system. But again, uneducated.

 

[shockey]

One glass of wine should be out of your system in an hour. Two glasses early, then a full meal and two hours of waiting? My uneducated guess was that it was out of her system. But again, uneducated.

right, that was my uneducated thinking, as well as her's and the other couple's. the woman with us also had not had a drink -- we go into our dinners out with a fallback designated driver available -- but we all agreed there was no need to go to the bullpen.

but it is all just guesswork, i suppose.

 

[Cosmo]

Your body can handle a drink an hour before you start getting intoxicated. If you go to dinner, have a beer and eat a meal and that's it, you're not going to be drunk nor will you have an appreciable blood alcohol level. If you're going to have more than one, then find another way home.

 

[Lugnuts]

i'm a big no-drink, no-drive person -- at least i think i am. so is the mrs. so, too, is the way our sons are being raised. eldest shockey, 19, is home from his freshman year at college. do we understand he has an occasional brewski? sure.

heck, since he's been home he's had a couple of nights where he's been at a friend's with many others where beer was consumed. at least twice, he's played the role of mule, buying a couple of six-packs at a deli close to town. he's dropped them off at the friend's house, driven home to leave his car in the driveway, then had another bud drive him back to the party. i find that very responsible and i'm kind of proud of him. sure, i'd prefer he not drink at all, but c'mon, that's not keepin' it real. all you can hope for is responsibility.

that said, the mrs. and i went to dinner last night with another couple. restaurant less than a mile from home. the mrs. does all the driving due to my limitations. i do not drink. she had two glasses of pinot in the first hour of our three-hour event. not a drop in the final two, during which she enjoyed a full meal.

she drove us all back to our house afterward. no prob. but i have zero idea if she would've blown a breathalizer if, for whatever reason, we were stopped on the .8-.9 of a mile drive home. so i guess my question for all SportsJournalists.comer's is: did we act irresponsibly?

i do not drink. period. and believe me, if i thought she was impaired in any way she would not have been behind the wheel.

thoughts? ??? ??? ???

If you have to ask, why risk it?

---------------

****, I think there are a lot of people who wish like hell a cop had stopped them. If you look on the bright side, you're lucky!

I mean, if you hadn't been caught, somebody might have gotten hurt or killed that night......... or your subconscious might have told you it's okay to do it again someday.

I say....... hug your kid, get a good lawyer, pay your debt, tell anybody you can stand to tell not to do it, and begin the process of forgiving yourself.