Does this lede make sense to you?

[sirvaliantbrown]

I love Adrian Wojnarowski, but I'm confused by the first paragraph here. Is it written correctly?

HAVERFORD, Pa. – Around Roy Hibbert, he was surrounded with college kids who wouldn't have wasted a moment with the debate that consumed him for months. Stay in school, when you could've been a lottery pick? Sure, sure. They would've been nowhere near these USA Basketball Pan-Am Games tryouts, where sweating through two-a-days for nothing but the glory of the red, white and blue would've been a foolery in the face of a first-round NBA draft guarantee.

"People look at me dumbfounded, almost perplexed," Georgetown's 7-foot-2 center said. "They ask me, 'What are you doing? Are you dumb? I would've gone and took the money.' "

 

[spnited]

You're confused because it is horribly written -- as Woj is wont to do from time to time -- and Yahoo apparently wasted so much money on "talent" that it forgot to hire editors.

 

[Write-brained]

Wow. That is ****ing awful.

 

[sirvaliantbrown]

K, I'm not crazy. Thank you.

(I do usually like Wojnarowski's work, though.)

 

[write then drink]

oh come on, lighten up

we all write bad leads now and then

maybe not that bad

 

[Clever username]

Why not just say, "Roy Hibbert was surrounded by ..."

 

[CentralIllinoisan]

How about this?

HAVERFORD, Pa. -- Roy Hibbert was surrounded by college kids who wouldn't waste a moment debating what consumed him for months: Stay in school or become an NBA lottery pick.
Sure, Sure. They wouldn't be anywhere near these USA Basketball Pan-Am Games tryouts, sweating through two-a-days for nothing but the glory of the red, white and blue -- foolery in the face of a first-round guarantee.

"People look at me dumbfounded, almost perplexed," Georgetown's 7-foot-2 center said. "They ask me, 'What are you doing? Are you dumb? I would've gone and took the money.' "

But what the hell do I know? I'm no Yahoo! writer. :D

 

[mike311gd]

I love Adrian Wojnarowski, but I'm confused by the first paragraph here. Is it written correctly?

HAVERFORD, Pa. – Around Roy Hibbert, he was surrounded with college kids who wouldn't have wasted a moment with the debate that consumed him for months. Stay in school, when you could've been a lottery pick? Sure, sure. They would've been nowhere near these USA Basketball Pan-Am Games tryouts, where sweating through two-a-days for nothing but the glory of the red, white and blue would've been a foolery in the face of a first-round NBA draft guarantee.

"People look at me dumbfounded, almost perplexed," Georgetown's 7-foot-2 center said. "They ask me, 'What are you doing? Are you dumb? I would've gone and took the money.' "

No.

 

[TyWebb]

The fact that in the first six words he hits a major redundancy means no, it does not make sense. And it doesn't make sense, either.

 

[sirvaliantbrown]

The fact that in the first six words he hits a major redundancy means no, it does not make sense. And it doesn't make sense, either.

(Yeah, I guess I could've worded my post less inquisitively and more declaratively...like, perhaps, "this does not make sense.")

 

[Clever username]

The fact that in the first six words he hits a major redundancy means no, it does not make sense. And it doesn't make sense, either.

(Yeah, I guess I could've worded my post less inquisitively and more declaratively...like, perhaps, "this does not make sense.")

Don't worry about it. I had to read the first sentence five times before I understand what he was trying to say. I thought words were missing or something.

 

[sirvaliantbrown]

The fact that in the first six words he hits a major redundancy means no, it does not make sense. And it doesn't make sense, either.

(Yeah, I guess I could've worded my post less inquisitively and more declaratively...like, perhaps, "this does not make sense.")

Don't worry about it. I had to read the first sentence five times before I understand what he was trying to say. I thought words were missing or something.

I think I get it now. Is he saying that Hibbert was surrounded by non-basketball-playing college kids who were all telling him he was crazy for not taking the money...and that those kids, if they'd been in Hibbert's shoes, wouldn't have chosen to be at these Pan-Am tryouts?

(K, yes, that is it.)

 

[ralph wiggum]

The fact that in the first six words he hits a major redundancy means no, it does not make sense. And it doesn't make sense, either.

and there's the problem. If a reader needs to read

(Yeah, I guess I could've worded my post less inquisitively and more declaratively...like, perhaps, "this does not make sense.")

Don't worry about it. I had to read the first sentence five times before I understand what he was trying to say. I thought words were missing or something.

The fact that in the first six words he hits a major redundancy means no, it does not make sense. And it doesn't make sense, either.

(Yeah, I guess I could've worded my post less inquisitively and more declaratively...like, perhaps, "this does not make sense.")

Don't worry about it. I had to read the first sentence five times before I understand what he was trying to say. I thought words were missing or something.

And there's the problem. If the reader needs to read a lede five times before they understand what the writer is trying to say, it might be time for a revision.

 

[JayFarrar]

Might have been the editors fiddling with the lede...it has the classic look of someone making changes on the fly and not going back to make sure everything was fixed before it went down on the page or, in this case, posted.
How does the rest of the story read?

 

[mediaguy]

guys, is there this much free time around? it's a wordy lead. could be tightened. if we're giving this one a "what a bad lead" thread, we could stock a whole board with such links daily. (this is not a suggestion, just an observation).

 

[chazp]

Wow. That is ****ing awful.

I'll second that. Was he on deadline and didn't get a chance to proof his own work? Just awful. Unreadable.

 

[Mmac]

That is inexcusably awful writing, especially the "Around Roy Hibbert, he was surrounded...." opening. Embarrassing stuff.

 

[Ace]

I think it was brilliant.

I was left dumbfounded and perplexed, which I assume was the writer's intent.

 

[Mighty_Wingman]

I can't believe we're on Day Three with this thread.

 

[fishwrapper]

I love Adrian Wojnarowski, but I'm confused by the first paragraph here. Is it written correctly?

HAVERFORD, Pa. – Around Roy Hibbert, he was surrounded with college kids who wouldn't have wasted a moment with the debate that consumed him for months. Stay in school, when you could've been a lottery pick? Sure, sure. They would've been nowhere near these USA Basketball Pan-Am Games tryouts, where sweating through two-a-days for nothing but the glory of the red, white and blue would've been a foolery in the face of a first-round NBA draft guarantee.

"People look at me dumbfounded, almost perplexed," Georgetown's 7-foot-2 center said. "They ask me, 'What are you doing? Are you dumb? I would've gone and took the money.' "

No.

I enjoy your depth and insight.