What's the dumbest story you ever had to cover?

[UNCGrad]

Just thinking back on things, and I remember how in summer at my Podunk Daily right out of J School that it was a thing to cover to the local Little League All-Star baseball and softball tournaments.

Not Williamsport. The district level.

Everything from 8-12-year-olds. The rural county I covered had three small municipalities and each boasted a Little League All- Star team and a few surrounding counties as well.

It was dreadful.

Hot, bugs, sunburn, angry parents, terrible gameplay and Lord knows nobody ever, ever made an error. I got to the point where I just wrote the most basic briefs ever and made them as notebooks. It was surprisingly high-stress and the worst time of year. Working the calendar to be "fair" to every town was mind-numbing. Games could be interminable.

I remember one moment when a parent yelled, "Hey Blue, they ain't no goddam balks in softball."

It was for a 9-U game. And a balk had not been called.

I still shudder. What a dumb ****ing thing to cover.

 

[tapintoamerica]

Steeplechase horse races. Only one day but absurd. The event is nothing more than an excuse to extract money from rich college kids who want to get trashed.

 

[2muchcoffeeman]

Just thinking back on things, and I remember how in summer at my Podunk Daily right out of J School that it was a thing to cover to the local Little League All-Star baseball and softball tournaments.

Not Williamsburg. The district level.

Everything from 8-12-year-olds. The rural county I covered had three small municipalities and each boasted a Little League All- Star team and a few surrounding counties as well.

It was dreadful.

Hot, bugs, sunburn, angry parents, terrible gameplay and Lord knows nobody ever, ever made an error. I got to the point where I just wrote the most basic briefs ever and made them as notebooks. It was surprisingly high-stress and the worst time of year. Working the calendar to be "fair" to every town was mind-numbing. Games could be interminable.

I remember one moment when a parent yelled, "Hey Blue, they ain't no goddam balks in softball."

It was for a 9-U game. And a balk had not been called.

I still shudder. What a dumb ****ing thing to cover.

Same. Grew to love the 10-run rule quickly.

 

[dixiehack]

I feel like everybody but the f’ing studs had to write kiddie ball at some point.

Not everybody had to turn in a preview on lawn mower racing on the way out the door for summer vacation. Not the race itself mind you, where there might have been enough color to make something out of it. Nope, a one-source phoner.

 

[maumann]

One year, NASCAR signed a deal with Warner Brothers to put Looney Tunes characters on certain cars for the Richmond race. The news director of NASCAR.com -- who very shortly was fired for using his corporate AMEX repeatedly at a strip club -- sold his bosses at Turner and the PR arm in Daytona on a story (without giving me a heads up) written with the characters speaking in their distinctive accents about the race.

Not being nearly as talented as Mel Blanc, particularly writing for lispers and stutterers, I was completely at a loss as to how to pull that off, especially since I didn't know if that would be copyright infringement. I finally worked a compromise where I could incorporate physical descriptions of the cars and characters with an interview featuring the advertising firm that put the deal together. As it was, it still reeked of PR infotainment posing as an actual news story.

Sufferin' succotash! That stunk like Pepe LePew on a blind date.

 

[BYH 2: Electric Boogaloo]

I feel like everybody but the f'ing studs had to write kiddie ball at some point.

Not everybody had to turn in a preview on lawn mower racing on the way out the door for summer vacation. Not the race itself mind you, where there might have been enough color to make something out of it. Nope, a one-source phoner.

This one might win.

I did a lot of goofy stuff, but my editors always told me to have a little fun with it. So the stories about a world-class horseshoe player, a karate tournament and a horse show*** turned out to be perfectly fine and forgettable 15-inch features.

***These three things did not all happen at the same time, that would have been ****ing cool

I'm going to echo everyone here who said crappy Little League was the worst. We had to do it b/c we were ordered to do so by corporate and we had to do BOX SCORES too. That was gruesome. My editor said to just write it AP style, get a quote from both coaches, don't mention errors and forget about it. Our area was never going to send anyone anywhere close to Williamsport, but I'm pretty sure the night the last local team got eliminated was usually a night when we knocked a few beers back at the bar across the street after deadline.

 

[motorsportwriter]

This isn't sports related, but hear me out. When I went back to my small suburban paper after several years in the big time, I switched from sports to features. My astute editor at the time wanted me to cover an "All-Elvis Autograph Party" at a local music store.

There were six Elvis imitators -- or would that be six Elvi? I cringed several times because these guys totally took on the Elvis personality. They had the fake accent, the fake hair and the fake sideburns. Each of them took a few minutes to serenade the fans that turned out -- and there really were less than a dozen fans that showed up the whole night -- and only two, maybe three, sounded even remotely like The King.

As bad as the assignment was, writing a hip, funny, colorful story proved to be even worse -- but I somehow managed to pull it off. Before that night, I was a big Elvis fan (even drove down to Memphis the day after he died). But after that night, any time I hear an Elvis song on the radio (which isn't very often these days), I either go "click" or switch the station.

And the funny thing is my wife eventually wound up working with one of the wives of one of the Elvi -- and then divorced him because she found him in bed with "a fan" and he was doing his Elvis impression with her (she was fantasizing what it'd be like to sleep with Elvis). Sick, sick, sick.

 

[dixiehack]

The news director of NASCAR.com -- who very shortly was fired for using his corporate AMEX repeatedly at a strip club

 

[playthrough]

For sure, Little League. But another unusual one …

My paper had a special section for breast cancer awareness, packed with hospital and medical ads and such. Everyone on the staff had to write an assigned feature on a local survivor, assigned by the Managing Editor, who I hated.

I got a school superintendent who turned out to be an awesome interview — she was a survivor but hated the pink-ribbon movement. Never wore pink, thought it was a ruse to keep charity executives rolling in big paychecks while a few pennies on the dollar went to research. "Breast cancer awareness?" she'd say. "Who the hell isn't aware by now?"

During the time this section was starting to be put together, I found a new job and put in my notice. I thought this feature would never see the light of day because my subject wasn't playing along with the theme, and politely told the ME so. I didn't say that if you knew this community better you wouldn't have chosen this superintendent for a story.

But the ME was sticking it to me for leaving and said I had to write it anyway. So I did, and didn't sugarcoat anything the woman said. Of course the story never ran.

 

[dixiehack]

I actually had to write a news-side story about a family whose baby had a rare condition called Maple Syrup Urine Disease, where the body is unable to properly break down amino acids (including in its urine, which begins to take on a sweet odor). I am very grateful to the news editor who told me I was going to be writing it giving me heads up on the name because he didn’t want me to inadvertently laugh in front of the family.

 

[DanOregon]

I made a rule at my paper. Nothing we cover that includes facepainting should require more than 10 inches of copy. The editors want the art for a local cover? Fine, but I'm not writing something that jumps. Always thought a decent size caption would due the trick on those stories - they are called "photojournalists" are they not? Why require me to go out there?
Oh, and there was the time after 9/11 where I'm sure editors were told to get A1 art with the American flag every day, so I actually once "covered" an elementary school chorus concert "they'll be singing some patriotic songs Dan!," my editor said "Write about that!"
But yeah, I loved talking to the coaches after little league tournament games and hearing their "strategy," and not using any of it, because I wanted kids to have the chance to talk to a real-life sportswriter!!

 

[PCLoadLetter]

I actually had to write a news-side story about a family whose baby had a rare condition called Maple Syrup Urine Disease, where the body is unable to properly break down amino acids (including in its urine, which begins to take on a sweet odor). I am very grateful to the news editor who told me I was going to be writing it giving me heads up on the name because he didn't want me to inadvertently laugh in front of the family.

I once produced a newscast that included a feature on a little girl who had that disease. I asked the art department for a monitor graphic that said MAPLE SYRUP SYNDROME with the girl's image on the graphic. The anchor would stand in front of that graphic to intro the story.

I didn't see the graphic beforehand, but we were coming out of the commercial break about to do the story when the director put the graphic in the monitor. It had the little girl's face... and a big stack of pancakes with yellowish liquid drizzling onto it. I stammered out "D-d-don't use that!!!!" The director swapped it out for a generic station logo just before we came out of the break.

 

[Bud_Bundy]

Not so much writing a story, but when I first got to my first job in the early 70s, we had to take calls from every freaking Little League game in the area each night. Linescores, pitchers, standout batters. The damn thing took up 2 full columns most nights and the rule was everybody had to be in the office from 6-8 p.m. At 8, you never saw such a mass exodus of people headed for dinner and if you weren't quick on the draw, you were the poor sucker who had to stay in the office until the others returned. Finally phased that stuff out, thank God. I did cover one or two district championship Little League games and the only thing I remember is they were 6 innings and were over quickly.

 

[UNCGrad]

For some reason, I guess I just didn't think as many people had to cover Little League. This is great. Also, I never once interviewed a coach.

I can't emphasize how small these towns were. Part of me wonders if these tourneys even happen anymore with travel ball (gawd, I hate that stuff; so glad to have a kid who had no interest).

I say "part of me" because I really don't care and would prefer never having to relive those days.

 

[maumann]

One bonus Little League story ...

Little League night was Tuesday at the Rocky Mount Telegram. There were 12 teams and coaches would call in their results, so wasn't a huge deal. I could bang out a column between calls.

But one particular Tuesday, we ended up with a Legion home game, the annual city swim meet and a guy on vacation, so with no one else in the office, I asked my wife Gwen to sit in for me. She knows baseball, had a pretty good idea of what to ask and I offered to take her out to dinner afterward.

Actually, she said at least half of the coaches didn't know what to tell her, so she walked them through final score, starting pitchers and batters with multiple hits, plus any special notations. But she did great and got a lot of papers graded at the same time.

So I come back to the office and she says, "Phone's for you." I say hello and it's C. Jemal Horton, my former partner-in-crime there and at that point, calling from the Indy Star. First thing he says is, "You'd better have a good excuse why your wife is taking Little League scores!"

 

[Baron Scicluna]

At my first weekly paper, I interviewed a guy who found a rabid raccoon in his yard, and, right before I left for my next paper, a quilting fair. Yes, quilting.

That same paper also gave me some good stories. The one where the mayor threatened a village board member who had missed too many meetings to have the town police go to his house and bring him to the meeting if the guy skipped another one. The board member also owned a funeral home and was the county coroner and said for print that he was too busy to attend every board meeting. Then he threatened me if I published what he said. My publisher told him we were printing it.

 

[I Should Coco]

Back in the dark, end-of-days era of late 1999, our small city in Northern Michigan decided it would organize a "First Night" festival on New Year's Eve to take everyone's mind off potential Y2K disaster. For those unfamiliar, First Night is an alcohol-free, "family friendly" night of entertainment and events -- and because of that, no one between the ages of 15 to 40 (unless they're parents) is there.

Of course, our shop's owner/publisher was one of the sponsors and organizers, so we hyped that thing for months ahead of time. One of my stories was interviewing the guy doing a puppet show -- several weeks ahead of this exciting First Night puppet show. Jim Henson he wasn't.

Anyway, my favorite part of all this was a few weeks before the big night, our staff photographer and I were grousing about First Night ... and we came up with one of the better newsroom performances of my career, sining this song to our colleagues. Hit it, Kool and the Gang!

(my friend, with a slightly higher voice)
Because it's First Night,
There's not a beer in sight,
Oh yes it's First Night,
What a boring night

(me) Oooh what a boring night ...

 

[Roscablo]

I covered community sports at two different small dailies so you can only imagine the assignments I really didn't want to go to. But I guess nothing was crazy out of the scope or a stretch of what I was supposed to be doing. That said, a lot of crap like Father's Day 5Ks that were not exactly competitive, you know more about families spending time outside together, but covered like they were the biggest events of the time.

The main thing is it seemed like so many of these things I did when I approached people they'd be like, you're here for this? I'll have to think back to what was the most eye-rolling.

 

[ChrisLong]

World Games for the Deaf.
Three memories:
-- They did all of the organizing to prove that people with their disability could do it. What they proved was they couldn't do it, and the top coordinator wound up suffering a nervous breakdown.
-- I wrote a feature on one of the water polo teams. My paper showed up at the pool and the players swarmed around to see themselves in the paper. Some of them had just gotten out of the pool and the newspaper quickly disintegrated.
-- Quotable quote is still one that I remember today from a volleyball player: "Signing is great because you can eavesdrop from across the gym."

 

[TigerVols]

I once produced a newscast that included a feature on a little girl who had that disease. I asked the art department for a monitor graphic that said MAPLE SYRUP SYNDROME with the girl's image on the graphic. The anchor would stand in front of that graphic to intro the story.

I didn't see the graphic beforehand, but we were coming out of the commercial break about to do the story when the director put the graphic in the monitor. It had the little girl's face... and a big stack of pancakes with yellowish liquid drizzling onto it. I stammered out "D-d-don't use that!!!!" The director swapped it out for a generic station logo just before we came out of the break.

Sounds like you narrowly avoided one sticky situation.