Dating...ugh

[pffft]

Ok, so I'm new here (as the post count probably denotes), but I've been lurking for a while and have some issues to sort out - anonymously of course. I've read through about half of the "SportsJournalists.com all-purpose dating thread" (couldn't do the whole 68 pages...yet), and I have also read the whole 'not_who_I_usually_am' divorce thread, which kinda got me hooked (T's and P's, Not). Anyway...

I'm in a rut. I am a 23 year old sportswriter. I'm writing in a small town and have been here for just over a year. As much as I tried to get somewhere better this summer, it didn't happen. I like my job, even though the pay isn't good, but I really am not a fan of the town I live in. I just think that there's better options for a 23 year old single man. A town of 10,000 people isn't a great place to meet people, I know, but I seek the advice of others that have been here.

I really don't want to sound conceited, but I am very well liked in this town and a countless number of people have told me how good looking I am and all that s***. Problem is, what does that do for me? Nothing, as of now. As I said, I enjoy my job and would certainly like to continue working in sports, but there just aren't that many options for people with one year of full-time experience.

I moved to this town without knowing a soul, so I come here for the guidance of those that have been in this situation. I definitely don't feel like I should be ready to get married at 23, but I, honestly, have never in my life had a legitimate "serious relationship." I've never been the guy that can easily go pick up chicks at a bar and, in my mind, am a textbook example of nice guys finishing last. Basically, in college, I didn't like the girls that liked me, and the girls that I liked, did not like me.

So what do I do? Do I move back to a bigger city where I have friends but take a job outside of sports? Do I stick it out and hope to move up soon? Right now, I think it would be a good life decision to get to a major city and hope to get back into sports down the road, although I realize - once leaving the field - that is very tough.

I have definitely had opportunities to date girls in this town, but didn't because I figured I would be out of here sooner rather than later, plus, I didn't really like them all that much. Even though I've never had a serious relationship, I really don't want to date someone at age 23 I can't see myself marrying...is that bad??? Also, I don't think someone in my position should "settle" for someone they're not gaga for (thank you Seinfeld)...is that bad also?

This post is already kinda long, so I'll just ask for advice...

P.S. I definitely appreciate reading a message board that uses commas, periods and other correct usages of punctuation and grammar.

 

[Bad Guy Zero]

When I was your age I was four years into a marriage that would end a couple of years later. Don't even start thinking about any need to get married at your age. I tell people to wait till they're at least 25 to get married...both bride and groom.

Now of course you need to have a serious, long-term relationship or three before you start to think about spending the rest of your life with one person. Here's the key: just take it easy. Enjoy your early 20s. I've found that the opportunities to get involved in a relationship presented themselves at the unlikeliest moments. If you're out trying to land in a relationship it's probably not going to happen. I don't know what it is about women but they seem to pick up on desperation pretty quickly.

I would suggest you utilize your friends to meet someone. Don't go up to them and say "find me a girlfriend." Go out and do things with them. I'm pretty introverted but I've found it's easier to meet women in public when I'm hanging out with friends. Maybe one of your friends has a party. Excellent opportunity to meet women. I met my ex-wife [who is still my best friend] at a party. Hell, throw a party yourself and encourage your friends to bring an extra friend or two. See if there are any organized social groups in your area...the kind of thing you'll find on meetup.com or on the bulletin board at the library.
Whatever you end up doing the most important thing to do when you meet a woman is listen. Ask her questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Throw in some observations and you're bound to find some common ground. Get her email or phone number or whatever and call her and let her know how much you enjoyed talking to her. Ask her if she'd like to meet for coffee or dinner or drinks or whatever. She's already digging you on some level otherwise she wouldn't have given you some contact info.

And remember, you've got plenty of life ahead of you. Don.lt feel that you need to get ina hurry to be in a relationship. When it's supposed to happen it will happen. And probably when you least expect it.

Have fun and best of luck to you!

 

[sportschick]

Give up and get a cat. That's my suggestion.

 

[YGBFKM]

That's terrible advice. Get a dog.

 

[sportschick]

Well, maybe he should start small, like a goldfish or a hamster.

 

[Cadet]

Get a sock puppet. Oh, wait.

 

[YGBFKM]

He's a lonely guy. I'm not sure if a hamster is ideal.

 

[sportschick]

Are you saying he's really Richard Gere?

 

[Bad Guy Zero]

Maybe he should get Sea Monkeys!

 

[Bad Guy Zero]

Holy Tebow, sportschcik! You just changed avatars!

 

[sportschick]

Do you miss the angry, alien cat? He can reappear!

 

[YGBFKM]

I liked the cat in a pot.

 

[sportschick]

Remind me in two weeks. I can make him reappear!

 

[ArnoldBabar]

This is bizarre, because it's like an opportunity to go back 17 years in time and give myself advice. I could have written that post at your age. I know things I'd have done differently, but not any one thing I could have known at 23 that would have been the answer.

If you want the unvarnished truth, my first piece of advice is to get the **** out of sportswriting. At 23, writing in a small town, there's going to be nowhere to go by the time you're ready to go there. Get a teaching certificate, learn a trade, something that can never go away. The only newspapers that are going to survive the next decade are right there in Podunk (where I assume you don't want to stay), and the few exceptions are going to be staffed by people way ahead of you in line. The only other way to stay in is to be at the forefront of "new media" reporting, and I don't know how you do that from a town of 10,000 people. If that's your dream, find the best position to make it happen, but take a cold, hard, realistic look at the landscape while you still have a lot of time and options.

Yeah, I realize that's profoundly cynical, but if I were in the same position I'd wish someone would tell me the same thing. The odds of going on to make a decent living in newspapers from where you are right now were daunting even in the best of times; now it is all but impossible.

As for women, it's all about exposing yourself (but not literally) to as many people as possible. If she's out there, the more women you meet, the better you chances of finding her. Date a lot of people, have relationships. Don't limit yourself to the "if this isn't someone I can be with, I won't bother" mentality. The more you date, the more you figure out what you want and don't want. The more you learn how to make a woman happy. The more likely you are to run across the person who is right. And the more ready you'll be when she does show up.

If you've never had a "serious relationship," as you say, then you'd have no idea what to do if you met the right person tomorrow. You couldn't handle a job at the NYT if they offered it to you tomorrow -- you need to build experience to be ready for it. Why wouldn't dating be different? And unlike newspapers, preparing for the right relationship is an investment that will always serve you well.

This ends today's "Ask A Cranky Old Man" segment.

 

[waterytart]

pffft, I'd like to reinforce one of AB's points, from a woman's point of view. Not having had any serious relationships by age 23 doesn't mean much. But you'll reach an age where it will become a red flag: "Maybe he's a player. Maybe he's gay, and in deep denial. Maybe he's ... etc., etc."

Have a few relationships that last a little while and are fun rather than serious. As long as you're honest with the women, it's all good.

 

[slappy4428]

If you're 23, can we introduce you to Sportschick?

 

[sportschick]

I have moved on from 23-year-olds, dammit! I'm up to 26-year-olds

 

[pffft]

hey sportschick...sup?

 

[Trouser_Buddah]

hey sportschick...sup?

Her age minimum...

 

[sportschick]

I don't date people from SportsJournalists.com either!