Dating...ugh

[Trouser_Buddah]

http://www.entertonement.com/clips/bdhxnqttjj--The-Price-is-Right-Losing-HornsRingtones-The-Price-is-Right-Sad-Yes-

 

[dreunc1542]

I don't date people from SportsJournalists.com either!

*whistles by*

 

[sportschick]

I don't date people from SportsJournalists.com either!

*whistles by*

We never dated, dammit!

 

[imjustagirl]

I don't date people from SportsJournalists.com either!

How I wish I had had your standards.

 

[MacDaddy]

This is bizarre, because it's like an opportunity to go back 17 years in time and give myself advice. I could have written that post at your age. I know things I'd have done differently, but not any one thing I could have known at 23 that would have been the answer.

If you want the unvarnished truth, my first piece of advice is to get the **** out of sportswriting. At 23, writing in a small town, there's going to be nowhere to go by the time you're ready to go there. Get a teaching certificate, learn a trade, something that can never go away. The only newspapers that are going to survive the next decade are right there in Podunk (where I assume you don't want to stay), and the few exceptions are going to be staffed by people way ahead of you in line. The only other way to stay in is to be at the forefront of "new media" reporting, and I don't know how you do that from a town of 10,000 people. If that's your dream, find the best position to make it happen, but take a cold, hard, realistic look at the landscape while you still have a lot of time and options.

Yeah, I realize that's profoundly cynical, but if I were in the same position I'd wish someone would tell me the same thing. The odds of going on to make a decent living in newspapers from where you are right now were daunting even in the best of times; now it is all but impossible.

As for women, it's all about exposing yourself (but not literally) to as many people as possible. If she's out there, the more women you meet, the better you chances of finding her. Date a lot of people, have relationships. Don't limit yourself to the "if this isn't someone I can be with, I won't bother" mentality. The more you date, the more you figure out what you want and don't want. The more you learn how to make a woman happy. The more likely you are to run across the person who is right. And the more ready you'll be when she does show up.

If you've never had a "serious relationship," as you say, then you'd have no idea what to do if you met the right person tomorrow. You couldn't handle a job at the NYT if they offered it to you tomorrow -- you need to build experience to be ready for it. Why wouldn't dating be different? And unlike newspapers, preparing for the right relationship is an investment that will always serve you well.

This ends today's "Ask A Cranky Old Man" segment.

Arnold also requests that you kids get off his lawn.

 

[txsportsscribe]

I don't date people from SportsJournalists.com either!

How I wish I had standards.

fixed

sorry, just couldn't leave that pitch just floating over the plate.

 

[imjustagirl]

I don't date people from SportsJournalists.com either!

How I wish I had standards.

fixed

sorry, just couldn't leave that pitch just floating over the plate.

Remember that earlier thing, where I didn't remember calling you an idiot?

I'll remember it this time. Idiot.

 

[Wenders]

Pfft, I'm in your shoes as well. Single, 23, at my first job where I moved to town and literally only knew the people I had met at my interview. I work so much between August and May that I don't really have any sort of semblance of a social life, I don't get off work early enough at any point in the year to go out much on the "social scene" and I don't know where to meet guys around here. Everyone I work with is either married or has a child or both and I literally know no one that is single.

Sometimes, though, you just have to decide whether a relationship and marriage and all that junk is worth waiting for until you get your career (and yourself) in a better place in your life. I'm perfectly okay with giving up my social life for the first few years for the same reason as you - I don't really see a reason to get into something serious with someone around here, when I know I'm going to move away when something better comes along - so I don't seek it. If someone around here wants to try to make it happen, he'll come find me. Until then, my cat and my friends that I do have provide enough comfort for me to be happy.

If you want to put a relationship ahead of your professional life, then you should move and DEFINITELY get out of journalism, because you aren't going to have much time outside of your professional life for your relationships. But if you love your job and you know this is what you want to do for the rest of your life, you can be patient and know that when you do find someone, it'll probably be worth it.

And I've only had one serious relationship in my life, which flamed out spectacularly. So don't worry about the fact that you haven't had a serious relationship.

 

[txsportsscribe]

I don't date people from SportsJournalists.com either!

How I wish I had standards.

fixed

sorry, just couldn't leave that pitch just floating over the plate.

Remember that earlier thing, where I didn't remember calling you an idiot?

I'll remember it this time. Idiot.

no! no! no! it was asshole, not idiot!

 

[pffft]

As bad as it sounds, I find some relief knowing there are others in similar situations. Freudenschade I suppose.

I live a few hours from my hometown and a few hours from where quite a few of my friends live, so I am almost always at either of those places on weekends I don't have to work. This summer, I literally was not in town for a weekend for all of June and July (some by choice, some not) so that makes it a little more difficult to meet people I suppose.

The two best friends I had in this town, who were in similar situations as me, both moved away because they flat out didn't like living here. That kinda sucked. Them, along with my other closest friends, happen to be girls because I just think it would be weird for a straight guy like myself to meet another dude and ask if he wants to hang out. It just seems much easier for me to call a girl, as opposed to a guy I really don't know that well, out of the blue and ask if they want to hang out or go get some drinks.

Wenders, I understand your point about being patient and focusing on my career, but at the same time I think that I have 40+ years to work and only a finite amount of time to run around and have fun. Not that you can't have fun when you're older, but it just seems to be a little different than the type of stuff you can get away with in your mid-20's. Maybe I'm wrong.

 

[Flying Headbutt]

Wenders, I understand your point about being patient and focusing on my career, but at the same time I think that I have 40+ years to work and only a finite amount of time to run around and have fun. Not that you can't have fun when you're older, but it just seems to be a little different than the type of stuff you can get away with in your mid-20's. Maybe I'm wrong.

Don't lose sight of that. I'm sure many people have gone sort of work-a-holic-like (I know I have at times) only to later find it doesn't pan out for you in the ways you thought it might. While it's good to be loyal to your boss and your company, remember only a really great boss has any loyalty to you, and odds are your company doesn't give two ****s about you. That puts it upon you to show yourself a little loyalty and have some fun, whether it's taking a trip here and there or finding someone you can have a little romp in the sack with. Don't lose sight of the fact that you're more than just a journalist.

 

[imjustagirl]

I don't date people from SportsJournalists.com either!

How I wish I had standards.

fixed

sorry, just couldn't leave that pitch just floating over the plate.

Remember that earlier thing, where I didn't remember calling you an idiot?

I'll remember it this time. Idiot.

no! no! no! it was asshole, not idiot!

I don't want a vacation from this place.

 

[Cosmo]

As bad as it sounds, I find some relief knowing there are others in similar situations. Freudenschade I suppose.

I live a few hours from my hometown and a few hours from where quite a few of my friends live, so I am almost always at either of those places on weekends I don't have to work. This summer, I literally was not in town for a weekend for all of June and July (some by choice, some not) so that makes it a little more difficult to meet people I suppose.

The two best friends I had in this town, who were in similar situations as me, both moved away because they flat out didn't like living here. That kinda sucked. Them, along with my other closest friends, happen to be girls because I just think it would be weird for a straight guy like myself to meet another dude and ask if he wants to hang out. It just seems much easier for me to call a girl, as opposed to a guy I really don't know that well, out of the blue and ask if they want to hang out or go get some drinks.

Wenders, I understand your point about being patient and focusing on my career, but at the same time I think that I have 40+ years to work and only a finite amount of time to run around and have fun. Not that you can't have fun when you're older, but it just seems to be a little different than the type of stuff you can get away with in your mid-20's. Maybe I'm wrong.

schadenfreude

 

[pffft]

As bad as it sounds, I find some relief knowing there are others in similar situations. Freudenschade I suppose.

I live a few hours from my hometown and a few hours from where quite a few of my friends live, so I am almost always at either of those places on weekends I don't have to work. This summer, I literally was not in town for a weekend for all of June and July (some by choice, some not) so that makes it a little more difficult to meet people I suppose.

The two best friends I had in this town, who were in similar situations as me, both moved away because they flat out didn't like living here. That kinda sucked. Them, along with my other closest friends, happen to be girls because I just think it would be weird for a straight guy like myself to meet another dude and ask if he wants to hang out. It just seems much easier for me to call a girl, as opposed to a guy I really don't know that well, out of the blue and ask if they want to hang out or go get some drinks.

Wenders, I understand your point about being patient and focusing on my career, but at the same time I think that I have 40+ years to work and only a finite amount of time to run around and have fun. Not that you can't have fun when you're older, but it just seems to be a little different than the type of stuff you can get away with in your mid-20's. Maybe I'm wrong.

schadenfreude

Yeah, I'll just stick to English.

 

[imjustagirl]

As bad as it sounds, I find some relief knowing there are others in similar situations. Freudenschade I suppose.

I live a few hours from my hometown and a few hours from where quite a few of my friends live, so I am almost always at either of those places on weekends I don't have to work. This summer, I literally was not in town for a weekend for all of June and July (some by choice, some not) so that makes it a little more difficult to meet people I suppose.

The two best friends I had in this town, who were in similar situations as me, both moved away because they flat out didn't like living here. That kinda sucked. Them, along with my other closest friends, happen to be girls because I just think it would be weird for a straight guy like myself to meet another dude and ask if he wants to hang out. It just seems much easier for me to call a girl, as opposed to a guy I really don't know that well, out of the blue and ask if they want to hang out or go get some drinks.

Wenders, I understand your point about being patient and focusing on my career, but at the same time I think that I have 40+ years to work and only a finite amount of time to run around and have fun. Not that you can't have fun when you're older, but it just seems to be a little different than the type of stuff you can get away with in your mid-20's. Maybe I'm wrong.

schadenfreude

Yeah, I'll just stick to English.

That made me laugh.

 

[Rumpleforeskin]

As bad as it sounds, I find some relief knowing there are others in similar situations. Freudenschade I suppose.

I live a few hours from my hometown and a few hours from where quite a few of my friends live, so I am almost always at either of those places on weekends I don't have to work. This summer, I literally was not in town for a weekend for all of June and July (some by choice, some not) so that makes it a little more difficult to meet people I suppose.

The two best friends I had in this town, who were in similar situations as me, both moved away because they flat out didn't like living here. That kinda sucked. Them, along with my other closest friends, happen to be girls because I just think it would be weird for a straight guy like myself to meet another dude and ask if he wants to hang out. It just seems much easier for me to call a girl, as opposed to a guy I really don't know that well, out of the blue and ask if they want to hang out or go get some drinks.

Wenders, I understand your point about being patient and focusing on my career, but at the same time I think that I have 40+ years to work and only a finite amount of time to run around and have fun. Not that you can't have fun when you're older, but it just seems to be a little different than the type of stuff you can get away with in your mid-20's. Maybe I'm wrong.

schadenfreude

Yeah, I'll just stick to English.

I thought you were typing that word in Spanish.

 

[maberger]

pffft, I'd like to reinforce one of AB's points, from a woman's point of view. Not having had any serious relationships by age 23 doesn't mean much. But you'll reach an age where it will become a red flag: "Maybe he's a player. Maybe he's gay, and in deep denial. Maybe he's ... etc., etc."

Have a few relationships that last a little while and are fun rather than serious. As long as you're honest with the women, it's all good.

or he could what every other man does:

lie. tell the girl whatever she wants to hear. worry about that when you're 40.

in the meantime Pffft: sports leagues, bars, the local cultural institution, the gym, church, synagogue, mosque or buddhist temple -- you have to get out there, even if some or all of those are not your thing. now is the time to try all things you don't know, when you are your only responsibility. and at the risk of starting a flame war with other posters, don't surrender your job or career path just because things seem grim.

like lying to women by telling them you've had PLENTY of long-term realtionships, you can always quit when you're 40. Just don't quit now.

 

[Philosopher]

You say that you haven't had any serious relationships, but yet you've turned down opportunities to date women, and have given some excuses for why you did so.

Stop making excuses and start dating women when you have the chance. You say that you're saving yourself for your future bride, but given that you've never been in a serious relationship before, you have no idea what you're really looking for in a wife.

Being a good partner--in bed, in life, in love--takes practice. You're going to do some stupid things in your first few relationships, so it's best to get those over with and make some mistakes. If you don't think you'll marry the person, so what? Better to screw up a relationship with someone you won't marry, than with your future wife. And who knows ... maybe one of these women you're oh-so-sure you won't marry will grow on you over time.

So get out there and start having real relationships with real women. They don't need to be super-serious, and you shouldn't be dishonest with them. They're not going to want a proposal or to discuss the future in your first few days, and neither will you. So just have fun and learn from the experience. You're doing yourself a disservice by forgoing opportunities to learn and grow, in the name of "high standards" or "waiting for the right one."

Good luck. 23 is a great age to be!

 

[Wenders]

Wenders, I understand your point about being patient and focusing on my career, but at the same time I think that I have 40+ years to work and only a finite amount of time to run around and have fun. Not that you can't have fun when you're older, but it just seems to be a little different than the type of stuff you can get away with in your mid-20's. Maybe I'm wrong.

I'm exactly the opposite way of thinking. I have a long time to meet someone but I know that the time to try to get myself established is now. You have plenty of time to meet someone and spend the rest of your lives together and have all sorts of fun. But as long as you're waiting to find someone, you might as well focus on something. Besides, the second you stop looking, someone will walk into your life and it will just happen.

 

[luftkopf83]

As bad as it sounds, I find some relief knowing there are others in similar situations. Freudenschade I suppose.

I live a few hours from my hometown and a few hours from where quite a few of my friends live, so I am almost always at either of those places on weekends I don't have to work. This summer, I literally was not in town for a weekend for all of June and July (some by choice, some not) so that makes it a little more difficult to meet people I suppose.

The two best friends I had in this town, who were in similar situations as me, both moved away because they flat out didn't like living here. That kinda sucked. Them, along with my other closest friends, happen to be girls because I just think it would be weird for a straight guy like myself to meet another dude and ask if he wants to hang out. It just seems much easier for me to call a girl, as opposed to a guy I really don't know that well, out of the blue and ask if they want to hang out or go get some drinks.

Wenders, I understand your point about being patient and focusing on my career, but at the same time I think that I have 40+ years to work and only a finite amount of time to run around and have fun. Not that you can't have fun when you're older, but it just seems to be a little different than the type of stuff you can get away with in your mid-20's. Maybe I'm wrong.

schadenfreude

Yeah, I'll just stick to English.

Although if you want to give German another try, stay away from "ich bin heiss". That doesn't mean what you think it means.