Awkward dates

[qtlaw]

Women/girls can talk all they want about how they want a "good hearted/nice/considerate" guy but look at how many times someone is rejected and then given the "but you're a nice guy."

My law school roommate was dead on when he advised me to ditch the "good guy" routine. (Well not totally but at least put some mystery/badness out there.)

 

[sgreenwell]

Women/girls can talk all they want about how they want a "good hearted/nice/considerate" guy but look at how many times someone is rejected and then given the "but you're a nice guy."

My law school roommate was dead on when he advised me to ditch the "good guy" routine. (Well not totally but at least put some mystery/badness out there.)

If the only adjective a person can give you is "nice," that's code for "not attractive" or "not charming" or "not _________." It also doesn't strike me as being something you should look for in a potential mate anyway. Having been a reporter for almost 10 years at this point, the vast majority of people I've ever interviewed are nice and agree to chat.

 

[spikechiquet]

The more I think of my past...the more I think everything I did was awkward.

 

[schiezainc]

1) So you projectile vomited and felt it was necessary to remove your underwear? What about the rest of your clothes?

2) Your sister sounds bad ass.

I thought I was pretty clear when I said it came out of EVERY hole. The projectile vomiting was only one part of it.
Yes, the underwear had to go. Luckily they held the damage in (at least as much as possible).
And, yes, my sister is a bad ass.

 

[Football_Bat]

Met a chick at Sundance Square once, and a grackle shat on my jacket.

 

[Bamadog]

Met a chick at Sundance Square once, and a grackle shat on my jacket.

Hate grackles. Disgusting birds.

I had some other awkward dates. One, I met this hot British chick when I lived in NYC. She was a dead ringer for Kate Winslett. We go to a movie, I'm ashamed to say, was "Eddie" with Whoopi Goldberg (I always liked and still do like Whoopi). The British girl and I eat dinner. Everything's going well.

She indicates she'd like to go the beach for some, ahem, "alone" time. I'm driving along in New Jersey on our way south when all of these lights and sirens erupt behind me, looking like "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." Turns out it's an encounter of the law enforcement kind.

This a-hole Jersey cop comes out and informs me he's going to ticket me for failure to yield. I remind him that he had no visible lights - headlights, spotlights, flashing lights, pen lights, Maglites, any lights - on his Blazer. He flies into a rage. He asks me what are you doing in New Jersey from Alabama. I tell him it's none of his business. He starts yelling, telling me my attitude will get me thrown in jail or worse. I'm shaking, partly with fear, but mostly with rage. Finally, another cop comes over, talks to the jerk, motions him away and apologizes for his behavior. He tells us to have a fine evening and that we're free to go. We end up having a fine evening at the beach afterwards. Very fine.

 

[Ace]

1) So you projectile vomited and felt it was necessary to remove your underwear? What about the rest of your clothes?

2) Your sister sounds bad ass.

I thought I was pretty clear when I said it came out of EVERY hole. The projectile vomiting was only one part of it.
Yes, the underwear had to go. Luckily they held the damage in (at least as much as possible).
And, yes, my sister is a bad ass.

I hope you have managed to avoid theme parks -- and your sister -- since then.

 

[Bamadog]

Women/girls can talk all they want about how they want a "good hearted/nice/considerate" guy but look at how many times someone is rejected and then given the "but you're a nice guy."

My law school roommate was dead on when he advised me to ditch the "good guy" routine. (Well not totally but at least put some mystery/badness out there.)

"You need to be kind of a ****. Like David Caruso in Jade."
- Seth Rogen, "The 40 Year Old Virgin"

 

[Jake_Taylor]

Met a chick at Sundance Square once, and a grackle shat on my jacket.

Hate grackles. Disgusting birds.

I had some other awkward dates. One, I met this hot British chick when I lived in NYC. She was a dead ringer for Kate Winslett. We go to a movie, I'm ashamed to say, was "Eddie" with Whoopi Goldberg (I always liked and still do like Whoopi). The British girl and I eat dinner. Everything's going well.

She indicates she'd like to go the beach for some, ahem, "alone" time. I'm driving along in New Jersey on our way south when all of these lights and sirens erupt behind me, looking like "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." Turns out it's an encounter of the law enforcement kind.

This a-hole Jersey cop comes out and informs me he's going to ticket me for failure to yield. I remind him that he had no visible lights - headlights, spotlights, flashing lights, pen lights, Maglites, any lights - on his Blazer. He flies into a rage. He asks me what are you doing in New Jersey from Alabama. I tell him it's none of his business. He starts yelling, telling me my attitude will get me thrown in jail or worse. I'm shaking, partly with fear, but mostly with rage. Finally, another cop comes over, talks to the jerk, motions him away and apologizes for his behavior. He tells us to have a fine evening and that we're free to go. We end up having a fine evening at the beach afterwards. Very fine.

I think the lesson here is that if you want to get a girl in the mood, you take her to a movie where Greg Ostertag's pants come down.

 

[Bamadog]

Met a chick at Sundance Square once, and a grackle shat on my jacket.

Hate grackles. Disgusting birds.

I had some other awkward dates. One, I met this hot British chick when I lived in NYC. She was a dead ringer for Kate Winslett. We go to a movie, I'm ashamed to say, was "Eddie" with Whoopi Goldberg (I always liked and still do like Whoopi). The British girl and I eat dinner. Everything's going well.

She indicates she'd like to go the beach for some, ahem, "alone" time. I'm driving along in New Jersey on our way south when all of these lights and sirens erupt behind me, looking like "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." Turns out it's an encounter of the law enforcement kind.

This a-hole Jersey cop comes out and informs me he's going to ticket me for failure to yield. I remind him that he had no visible lights - headlights, spotlights, flashing lights, pen lights, Maglites, any lights - on his Blazer. He flies into a rage. He asks me what are you doing in New Jersey from Alabama. I tell him it's none of his business. He starts yelling, telling me my attitude will get me thrown in jail or worse. I'm shaking, partly with fear, but mostly with rage. Finally, another cop comes over, talks to the jerk, motions him away and apologizes for his behavior. He tells us to have a fine evening and that we're free to go. We end up having a fine evening at the beach afterwards. Very fine.

I think the lesson here is that if you want to get a girl in the mood, you take her to a movie where Greg Ostertag's pants come down.

IVAN MAKE BASKET! Not exactly the highpoint of hoops cinema.

 

[schiezainc]

1) So you projectile vomited and felt it was necessary to remove your underwear? What about the rest of your clothes?

2) Your sister sounds bad ass.

I thought I was pretty clear when I said it came out of EVERY hole. The projectile vomiting was only one part of it.
Yes, the underwear had to go. Luckily they held the damage in (at least as much as possible).
And, yes, my sister is a bad ass.

I hope you have managed to avoid theme parks -- and your sister -- since then.

I have tried to avoid both at times and failed miserably though I don't mind the latter as my sister has gotten pretty cool with age.

 

[TheHacker]

I haven't had the level of misadventure that's on display on this thread. I've had a couple of dates with women who wouldn't return any effort I made at conversation, and it's like, why did you agree to spend time with me if you didn't want to talk? One of them said very little the whole way through dinner, and when we left the restaurant and I asked if she wanted to go get ice cream, she just said, "No." It was the middle of the summer ... who says no to ice cream? And that was her only response. So I just drove her home. Fortunately it wasn't a long distance, because that was a very awkward drive.

My best friend had an experience last summer and needed my help to bail him out, so I'm indirectly involved in it. Even though it didn't happen to me, I'm going to tell it because it's a great story:

He got divorced in 2009 and has started internet dating the last couple years. He was seeing this girl for a couple months last year and she made plans for them to go to some sort of outdoor festival/concert type of thing that was happening in a town about an hour's drive from where we live, and she booked a hotel room for them for that night.

Well, the event was going on during the day, so they were outside in the heat, lawn seating, getting sloshed all day. She strikes up a conversation with this other couple sitting near them, and they all end up drinking together. As my friend and his date are headed to the parking lot, she tells him that she invited this other couple to come to their hotel and hang out with them. And perhaps you can start to see where this is going.

He and his date get back to their room and she tells him he has to go down to the lobby of the hotel and wait for this other couple to get there -- she'll be down in a few minutes. So he goes and meets up with them. He calls his date on her cell. No answer. So the three of them go to the hotel bar to wait for her and knock back some more drinks. Everyone is totally hammered, and it turns out this other couple are swingers who accepted his date's offer to hang out because they were looking to party. He calls his date a couple more times on her cell. No answer. Because she's passed out, drunk, in the room.

And he can't go to the room to join her, because he does't have the room key -- and beyond that, he's so drunk he can't remember what the room number is. Never mind that he's actually been in this room ... he's burned so many brain cells he has no idea what number it is. So he goes to the front desk and asks for the room number, but the desk won't give it to him, because his date booked the room in her own name. He's not on the bill, they have no record of him as a hotel guest, so they won't tell him. The guy at the desk does place a call the room phone, but again, no answer. Because she's passed out drunk.

At some point in all this, the other couple ditches him, and he starts calling me, going, "What should I do?" Even if he was sober enough to drive, he wouldn't have been able to leave because his car keys were in the hotel room. After about half an hour of trying to get her to answer her phone, he called me back and talked me into coming to get him. I've got a spare set of his house keys, so I picked him up and took him home. He slept the whole way. And about 5 minutes into the drive his phone started ringing non-stop. Apparently, his date finally woke up.

She brought his car back to him the next day, and needless to say, that's the last they saw of each other.

 

[spikechiquet]

I haven't had the level of misadventure that's on display on this thread. I've had a couple of dates with women who wouldn't return any effort I made at conversation, and it's like, why did you agree to spend time with me if you didn't want to talk? One of them said very little the whole way through dinner, and when we left the restaurant and I asked if she wanted to go get ice cream, she just said, "No." It was the middle of the summer ... who says no to ice cream? And that was her only response. So I just drove her home. Fortunately it wasn't a long distance, because that was a very awkward drive.

My best friend had an experience last summer and needed my help to bail him out, so I'm indirectly involved in it. Even though it didn't happen to me, I'm going to tell it because it's a great story:

He got divorced in 2009 and has started internet dating the last couple years. He was seeing this girl for a couple months last year and she made plans for them to go to some sort of outdoor festival/concert type of thing that was happening in a town about an hour's drive from where we live, and she booked a hotel room for them for that night.

Well, the event was going on during the day, so they were outside in the heat, lawn seating, getting sloshed all day. She strikes up a conversation with this other couple sitting near them, and they all end up drinking together. As my friend and his date are headed to the parking lot, she tells him that she invited this other couple to come to their hotel and hang out with them. And perhaps you can start to see where this is going.

He and his date get back to their room and she tells him he has to go down to the lobby of the hotel and wait for this other couple to get there -- she'll be down in a few minutes. So he goes and meets up with them. He calls his date on her cell. No answer. So the three of them go to the hotel bar to wait for her and knock back some more drinks. Everyone is totally hammered, and it turns out this other couple are swingers who accepted his date's offer to hang out because they were looking to party. He calls his date a couple more times on her cell. No answer. Because she's passed out, drunk, in the room.

And he can't go to the room to join her, because he does't have the room key -- and beyond that, he's so drunk he can't remember what the room number is. Never mind that he's actually been in this room ... he's burned so many brain cells he has no idea what number it is. So he goes to the front desk and asks for the room number, but the desk won't give it to him, because his date booked the room in her own name. He's not on the bill, they have no record of him as a hotel guest, so they won't tell him. The guy at the desk does place a call the room phone, but again, no answer. Because she's passed out drunk.

At some point in all this, the other couple ditches him, and he starts calling me, going, "What should I do?" Even if he was sober enough to drive, he wouldn't have been able to leave because his car keys were in the hotel room. After about half an hour of trying to get her to answer her phone, he called me back and talked me into coming to get him. I've got a spare set of his house keys, so I picked him up and took him home. He slept the whole way. And about 5 minutes into the drive his phone started ringing non-stop. Apparently, his date finally woke up.

She brought his car back to him the next day, and needless to say, that's the last they saw of each other.

We are missing a key detail....how hot was the swinging couple's wife?!

 

[WildBillyCrazyCat]

Third date with this girl, who is incredibly hot girl from the office everyone is after. I finally get into her apartment, and logically, think I'm going to score. We're in her bed.

It was at this point she asks me what i think of unicorns. She apparently intends this as a serious question. She then starts talking about how they're, "beautiful, mystical creatures" and continues with such babble for several minutes.

I can no longer stifle a laugh. She gets offended. I'm asked to leave.

 

[Ace]

Third date with this girl, who is incredibly hot girl from the office everyone is after. I finally get into her apartment, and logically, think I'm going to score. We're in her bed.

It was at this point she asks me what i think of unicorns. She apparently intends this as a serious question. She then starts talking about how they're, "beautiful, mystical creatures" and continues with such babble for several minutes.

I can no longer stifle a laugh. She gets offended. I'm asked to leave.

Too bad you didn't have a gag on.

 

[Evil ... Thy name is Orville Redenbacher!!]

This thread really, really needs pics.

 

[Elliotte Friedman]

That's like "we all come from frogs" from Everybody Loves Raymond

 

[qtlaw]

Third date with this girl, who is incredibly hot girl from the office everyone is after. I finally get into her apartment, and logically, think I'm going to score. We're in her bed.

It was at this point she asks me what i think of unicorns. She apparently intends this as a serious question. She then starts talking about how they're, "beautiful, mystical creatures" and continues with such babble for several minutes.

I can no longer stifle a laugh. She gets offended. I'm asked to leave.

As Vince Vaughn's character in Swingers said, "just stare at the spot above her eyes and smile", you would have been so "money".

 

[spikechiquet]

This thread really, really needs pics.

<img src="http://dailydimmick.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Too-much-filler1.jpg">
Happy?

 

[Versatile]

That's the face of a woman who didn't know Chick fil-A uses peanut oil.