From the start, get involved in every part of their lives. Don't leave it all to your wife. Change diapers, feed, do laundry, play, read, give baths, take the baby eaglet for walks, go to the park ... tickle, kiss, blow bubbles on their tummy, play an active role. Be there are at all the teacher meetings, recitals, plays, spelling bees, youth soccer games. When they get old enough, find a perfect breakfast place and go ... just the two of you. It's your time together. I still do that with my teenage sons.
Kids get sick. They puke. They have diaherrea. Get over it. Man up. Do something about it.
They also spill things. It's just milk. It's just a glass. It's just carpet. Get over it. All those things are just things. They're replacable. Your childre are irreplacable treasures.
Be tough when they need it. Be silly when they need it. Don't forget what it means to be a child.
The best way you can be their friend is to not be their buddy. Be their dad.Treat them with respect but don't coddle them. Don't let them off the hook. Don't make excuses for them. Don't be afraid to be unpopular or tick them off. As long as you're not abusing them, they'll get over it.
Love their mama. Treat her with honor, dignity and respect. Show your boys how to treat a woman with respect so they will know how to treat their wives. Show your daughters how they should expect to be treated so they'll look for the right husband someday.
Remind them that no matter how much you love them, you love their mama even more. Someday your children will go off and leave you and live a family of their own. Your wife will still be there. Go out on dates with your wife or just shut the bedroom door and just be honest with your kids. "I love you kid, but your mama and I need some alone time together and that's just the way it is. Now go play."
Start saving for college NOW. A little bit every month goes a long way later.
Odds are you'll end up in the emergency room at some point. Hopefully it's just a virus or a broken arm. Don't panic. Just find the best route, ask questions and pay attention. As for the kids, odds are they'll be fine. Those things happen.
Let them be who God made them to be. I played football, baseball and basketball and ran sprints in track. My wife played soccer, softball and ran sprints. One child runs on a cross country scholarship in college and wants to do theatre production and set design. The other is a talented actor and musician who does theatre and marching band. We learned early on to let them be who they're meant to be, not who we wanted them to be.
Raise them to leave you, not to please you. They'll need to make their own decisions someday.
Make them play outside. And when they come home dirty, with bloody knees, muddy shoes and holes in their jeans, don't get mad. Just laugh.
Your children are not here to fulfill and make your dreams come true. It's about them. It's not about you. It never should be.
You know those dads who coach Little League and embarrass all the kids and act like assholes, get in fights with other days, win at all costs and yell at the umps. Don't be him.
Set an example with everything you do. The way you treat your wife, your mother, total strangers, people who work for a living. Your work ethic - in and out of the house. Your behavior. Your mouth. Your health. The way you spend your time. What you watch, read or listen to. Be accountable to your children.
Stop working so damn much. You can always make more money. You can't make more time. Watching children grow up is like trying to catch water in your hands. You can lock and squeeze your hands together all you want, but you can't stop the water from getting through. Make the most of what you have while you have it. Once they're gone, they're gone and it will never be the same again - no matter how close you are.
Your parents screwed up. So will you. Get over it. They had no idea what they were doing. You have no idea what you're doing. Just learn from your mistakes and keep on loving them the best you can.
Teach them about God. Teach them they were made wonderful, unique, with a special path of their own, set out by someone who loves them and knows them far more than any person ever will. Teach them that accepting that love and be thankful for that gift is bigger and better than anything else they can experience on this earth.
Just because you don't like something doesn't mean they shouldn't do it. You won't like it when they drive, date, change their music, go to college, etc. ... but they need to do those things. Don't be so strict that they don't get to make decisions and choices. It's like letting them go off the big slide. You're scared to death they're up there all alone and you can't protect them or keep them from falling. Kids fall. It happens. Just be there to try and catch them or pick them, give them a kiss and a hug and let them know you still love them.
Be quick to apologize. Be quicker to forgive.
Be affectionate. With them. With your wife - in front of them. I don't care what your parents did. Just hug 'em and kiss 'em.
Don't lecture. They'll stop listening to everything you say and miss some of the good stuff.
No things weren't tougher when you were a kid. They were easier. Kids face more temptations, anger, pain and violence than you did - on a daily basis. Even you're doing a good job, you can't parent everyone else's children, too.
And the No. 1 thing ... give them your blessing. Don't make them earn your blessing. It's a gift of love and approval. You don't have to approve of everything they do. Just approve of them for who they are and who they're made to be. Don't just love them because they're your children. Love them because they're worth loving. Let them know that. Everyday.
I'm going to kiss my 16-year-old son on the cheek before I go to the gym.
