A Crash Davis Moment

[lono]

So I'm sitting in the bar last night, chillin' on a Killilans and three dozen raw oysters, when the putz next to me says, "Yes, sir, that was hotter than a two-peckered billy goat."

And for the next 20 minutes, he and his pal ponder the phrase, until final I can't take it anymore.

I finally look at the dude and say - in a fairly loud voice - "It's not hotter than a two-peckered billy goat, it's hornier than a two-peckered billy goat. If you're talking hot, then you say "It's hotter than a two-dollar *****." But it is not hotter than a two-peckered billy goat. Not now, not ever. Got it? Huh?"

Swear to god, I came this close to adding, "And women don't get wooly, either."

But I knew dumb and dumber wouldn't get it. [/crashdavisrant]

 

[bigpern23]

I thought you were going to say you ****ed Susan Sarandon.

 

[Flash]

Holy ****, lono ... I'm giggling my ass off. Front-row seats would have been awesome for that.

No one gets wooly. Women get weary. God, I hate it when people get the words wrong!

 

[Ned]

Fear and ignorance.

 

[Sxysprtswrtr]

2 peckers.

Interesting. Concept.

 

[lono]

I thought you were going to say you ****ed Susan Sarandon.

She was on my marital freebie list for a long time. An E-ticket attraction, no doubt, but she had to fall in love with someone who was tall, rich, a movie star and politically sympatico. Me? SOL on all fronts.

 

[Ned]

I think the line in City Slickers was "I'm as happy as a puppy with two peters."

 

[bigpern23]

I think the line in City Slickers was "I'm as happy as a puppy with two peters."

No, the line in City Slickers was, "I like your ass, may I wear it as a hat."

 

[RFB-Boy]

I was always told it was hotter than prison sex, whatever it was.

 

[terrier]

I'm weary from all the stress of reading this thread.

 

[Inky_Wretch]

Is hotter than a two-dollar ***** more or less hot than two rats ****ing in a wool sock?

 

[Armchair_QB]

It's time to work on your cliches.

 

[lono]

The cliches are your friends.

 

[RFB-Boy]

Yeah, these are almost as bad as the joke about the police report after a car full of bank robbers ran into the back of the cement mixer. Police reported finding "... four hardened criminals."

I don't care who you are. I have to sell my own jokes, and that's funny right thar'.

 

[Starman]

Some women do get woolly. They get so woolly.

 

[CentralIllinoisan]

Speaking of Crash Davis .... just saw Bull Durham again and the kid who plays Tim Riggins on the TV show Friday Night Lights is practically stealing Costner's demeanor from Durham.

Just thought I'd throw that out there. I'll go post this on the FNL thread now, because I'm a dork for Dillon.

 

[playthrough]

My salty-mouthed uncle's favorite line is "hotter than a freshly f*cked fox in a forest fire."

 

[Steak Snabler]

What's so "hot" about a 2-dollar *****?

Two-dollar pistol I get, two rats ****ing in a wool sock I get, a witch's tit in a brass bra doing push-ups in the sand I get, but 2-dollar ***** I don't get.

Again, what's so hot about a 2-dollar *****? Has she been stolen? Does her skin feel warm to the touch? Is she particularly good-looking?

Please fill me in ...

 

[OTD]

What's so "hot" about a 2-dollar *****?

Two-dollar pistol I get, two rats ****ing in a wool sock I get, a witch's tit in a brass bra doing push-ups in the sand I get, but 2-dollar ***** I don't get.

Again, what's so hot about a 2-dollar *****? Has she been stolen? Does her skin feel warm to the touch? Is she particularly good-looking?

Please fill me in ...

I don't know, but as Taggart said: "Mr. Lamarr, you use your mouth purtier than a 20-dollar *****!"

 

[lono]

What's so "hot" about a 2-dollar *****?

Two-dollar pistol I get, two rats ****ing in a wool sock I get, a witch's tit in a brass bra doing push-ups in the sand I get, but 2-dollar ***** I don't get.

Again, what's so hot about a 2-dollar *****? Has she been stolen? Does her skin feel warm to the touch? Is she particularly good-looking?

Please fill me in ...

The phrase, which dates back to at least the 1950s, refers to the fact that her services were inexpensive. Therefore, because she was affordable, she was constantly busy, which meant that she was physically warm, as in hot, sweaty and, in all likelihood, shall we say, moist?

It has nothing to with attractiveness. If anything, just the opposite.

Hopefully that provided a little whoreticultural clarity ...