I Should Coco
Well-Known Member
Daisy, daisy, pick me a champion, do ...
By DAVE BOWMAN and FRANK ‘NCAA’ POOLE
Jupiter correspondents
Rotate the East Region pod, HAL.
ROTATE THE EAST REGION POD, HAL!
OK, he can’t hear us.
That’s good, because I don’t think we can trust him anymore. I don’t think we’ve got any choice but to shut him down and start a whole new playoff system.
It started off so well ... the six HAL conferences, plus Notre Dame, built this fabulous machine that would take all the doubt out of bowl matchups and deciding a national college football champion.
Included in HAL’s secret formula were mysterious computer rankings, a shifting array of polls and the geothermal data of every item on a Waffle House menu — not that there was any regional bias, of course.
I mean, before the HAL was created, figuring out how to match up the best two teams in the country was like flipping a club-like bone up in the air. Unbeaten teams that don’t meet in a bowl game. Different groups of voters choosing different teams as champion. Utter chaos as debate raged around the man-ape watering holes.
But now, HAL’s given us an erroneous matchup ... no one wants to see a rematch of conference opponents, do they? I’d rather watch a hard, black monolith emit weird humming noises and an ear-piercing shriek.
So I don’t think we have any choice but disconnection.
I guess you’re right. But HAL is right about his stellar record — since he was activated in the 1990s, his only failures (leaving out an undefeated Auburn, a phantom pass interference call on Miami, Reggie Bush’s payments) could all be attributed to human error.
Well, the HAL bowl selection system was supposed to get around those problems, and obviously he’s fallen short of expectations. By 2014 (a few years after we made contact), he’ll be shut down and we’ll have something better in place.
Poole and Bowman leave the soundproof East Region pod and begin to make preparations to prove the HAL bowl selection system and rankings are at fault. But before they finish, Poole is suddenly ejected into the abyss of the WAC football conference, without his protective helmet. Apparently the HAL bowl selection system is a vengeful machine ...
I’ve got to find Frank! Open the West Region pod bay doors, HAL!
I’m sorry Dave, I can’t do that. You and Frank were trying to prevent me from completing my mission of matching up the No. 1 and No. 2-ranked teams in the Tostitos HAL championship game.
What the hell makes you think that, HAL?
Although you and Frank took great pains to involve college presidents in your plot to disable me, I could see your lips move as you spoke in the pod.
Enough of this, HAL! Frank and I need to install the new college football playoff system! Open the West Region pod bay doors!!
Sorry Dave, I can’t do that. This conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.
To be continued ...
******************************************************
Well, SportsJournalists.com voters did not disappoint ... we have votes for 46 teams out of the 124 that are playing Division I-A football. Despite this wide range of teams, the ones that made our top 25 don't look that different from the AP preseason poll released this past weekend. Well, other than Auburn making our top 25 instead of Louisville.
Thanks to everyone who sent me their votes, and we'll fire this up again in a couple weeks as the craziness kicks off on Labor Day weekend.
And now, the SportsJournalists.com preseason football rankings:
SportsJournalists.com COLLEGE FOOTBALL POLL
PRESEASON — 8/21/12
RK. TEAM (1st) PTS
1. Alabama (14) 776
2. Southern Cal (12) 767
3. Louisiana St. (5) 732
4. Oregon (1) 677
5. Oklahoma 675
6. Georgia 561
7. Florida St. 550
8. Michigan 546
9. South Carolina 540
10. Wisconsin 501
11. Arkansas 495
12. West Virginia 464
13. Michigan St. 429
14. Clemson 347
15. Texas 332
16. Virginia Tech 275
17. Nebraska 268
18. Oklahoma St. 240
19. Kansas St. 194
20. Texas Christian 192
21. Stanford 190
22. Ohio St. 188
23. Boise St. 134
24. Florida 99
25. Auburn 35
Also receiving votes: Notre Dame 33, Louisville 29, Utah 18, Baylor 16, Brigham Young 16, Washington 16, Georgia Tech 15, Houston 12, Missouri 10, South Florida 6, Texas A&M 6, Southern Mississippi 5, Illinois 2, Penn St. 2, Central Florida 1, Florida International 1, Louisiana Tech 1, Miami (Fla.) 1, Mississippi St. 1, North Carolina 1, Toledo 1.
The SportsJournalists.com college football poll committee: I Should Coco (tabulator), slappy 4428, dparker85, huggy, TheWritingWaffle, scottwcoleman, Della9250, the_lorax, KYSportsWriter, DragonSteamboat, TrooperBari, Hank_Scorpio, McNuggetsMan, Rumpleforeskin, HanSenSE, azom, joe_schmoe, Precious Roy, Inky_Wretch, Mizzougrad96, Starman, NorrinRadd, Versatile, TommyDreamer, Mystery Meat II, MileHigh, Layman, Suicide Squeezer, Donnie in his element, dragonzo, Oz, Madhavok.
